Thursday, August 30, 2007



Dear Dad

I know you are old but you would not admit it (but sure enough, the protruding lines on your forehead and white hair strands popping are a definite proof). Much has been said about our stagnant daughter-father relationship and I am not very open to you as much as you have not been that open to me. I am not jealous if the youngest lass in the family is your favorite and you do not have to admit that too, because it shows in various ways-- though, at times, it gets a bit too undone and unfair since you side with her in most of our "sister fights." Likewise, I may not be your ideal daughter just as much as you are not really my ideal father. Yet, as tough as we may both seem and the fact that I inherited your inaffectionate manners just makes a decent account that we are related by blood.

I remember the times when I was very young (about 3-4yrs. old) and you brought me wherever you race. I travelled with you together with Mom and probably cheered with you and shared happy moments once I see you up on the stage, standing proudly on that platform labeled with a bold number one. As the organizers handed you your trophy, I hear people cheer and I didn't know how many people idolize you despite the fact that your sport wasn't much of a hit back then.

I remember you teaching me my first tennis lessons and buying me my own racket at age 8. You were so delighted to hear my interest in the sport that you immediately got me a good coach. But then again, I remember the time wherein you weren't there during my main tournament. Under the scorching summer heat of about two in the afternoon, I was out in the open court playing my heart out and hoping to see your face amidst the crowd. I battled with a guy, about a couple of years older and an excellent player. Obviously, I lost and I cried. No, I did not cry because of the fact that I didn't emerge onto a higher level, but rather I cried because Mom told me you could not make it. You called me up, you talked to me, comforted me about my lost game but what I wanted to actually hear was a valid reason for why you weren't there to support me. When I arrived home, we had a petty fight. I cried all night just because I needed your presence during the game but of which you never showed up.

From then on, I realized that you were not the family-guy-affectionate-type of person. I would not doubt if you inherited this from Tatay but I hope you prove yourself good in a way or another. As I grew older, I parted with you and when Lexi came, this made a bigger gap in our relationship. But I do not blame her, she adds spice to our family.

I know how much grades matter to you that's why I try to please you with the line of 9's I get but you seem to not notice unless I get a perfect mark. I give you good grades during quizzes but unless it's a 10/10 or 20/20, you would not seem that happy to me. I know you believe in my own capacity but I think your expectations are sky-tower high. I cannot live on them because grades are not the basis for my future. I may be an excellent student this time but in the future, who knows. After all, grades just seem to do no good since they are digits very much inferior to values I can pick up daily and apply to life.

On the contrary, though you are not the "ideal" father in my mind, I think that you have done the best that you can. I am amazed at your ability to derive shortcuts as you used to help me with daily math assignments. You also could fix things mechanically, so there is no need to hire some technician or repairman unless it's a severe damage. To top it all off, you are the one who goes to the wet market every week, instead of Mom. Actually, I'd be happier if you'd do the grocery too and I promise that if you do so, I will be with you all the time.

I am, at times, thankful at how you spoil me. You shower me with gadgets whenever I meet your expectations right. But nonetheless, you are back to your strict self once I start the quarter or schoolyear all over again.

You taught me how to be simple in many ways. You taught me how to value the things I have. You taught me how important a single peso was. You taught me how dear a grain of rice is. You taught me the significance of education. You taught me to be independent.

Yes, you were strict but at a reasonable cost. I know how you would hate me going out with the opposite sex and remember how you'd call and text every now and then just to check if your eldest daughter is well and okay.

I know you are less expressive and you do not bring home the problems you encounter at work. Every night, during dinner, I see your tired eyes and very red face. Although you seldom confess that you have a headache, we all know.

Yes, you are not my ideal father and I may not be your ideal daughter. But do you mind why we are put together? I think it stands for a certain purpose: you complete me, and I complete you. We do not have the perfect model of a daughter-father relationship but I know we are slowly entering the process of getting to know each other again.

On this day special day, I wish that you will feel blessed around us. I pray that God will continue to protect you from harm and help you whenever problems come your way. I pray that you will be more expressive of how you feel and that you'd be open to us about your problems. Just remember that we will always be here for you, no matter what.

I love you. Happy Birthday. :)

Love lots,
Kara


P.S. I broke the printer so I think we need to buy a new one after all. Hehe.

Sunday, August 26, 2007



Kids are incredibly amazed at how cartoon characters get themselves working with powers to aid them in times of need-- even if it is not a crucial situation they are still permitted to use them (at least most of them) with the smallest amount of liability bestowed upon their very backs. True enough, I carried on this childhood outright fantasy even at a ridiculous bold age of fifteen. To think that I am big enough to know that humans have only their own capabilities and talents to rely on, getting some dosage of wild childhood dreams recaptured once again and trapped in the bottle labeled, "unattained visions" gave me back my fragile, juvenile dreams I used to keep. As a kid, I cannot brush away the truth at how awe-stricken I was as I watched movies and read books with characters who possess such unbelievable superpowers. Relatively, I kept myself the question, which had no reasonable parallel answer to for quite a long while, but I do wish to give credit at this moment.


"If I were bestowed with superpowers, where will I use them?"


1. SELF-LOVE


It will be part of my duty to grant people the will to love themselves and in return, they have to put their utmost worries behind and try to live a life fulfilling their aspirations. Learning to love yourself is probably not the greatest love of all, but it is the seed from which everything roots out. Before you can fully love a person, you would have to be able to love yourself first.


2. ELIMINATE DIRTY POLITICIANS


I want to clear out all unnecessary lies imprinted upon the very obvious faces of politicians who, without feeling even an ounce of guilt, continue their wrongdoings without noticing the harm they are doing to the country-- we may be pulling down the ratio of dollar to peso but we are bit by bit being pulled down (even more) by the gravity of self-inflicted politian hands eager to grasp an incredible amount of money coming from no other but the citizens themselves. Taxes are now being paid but are lives getting any better?


3. SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT


Let's face it.. We are under some crucial environmental condition that is getting nastier by the minute. Bracing the reality about Global Warming is such a huge load. The truth is, I do not think everyone is well-informed about the situation, specially those living in remote areas. And to think that our lives and those of the future generations rely solely on the environment, human existence might actually come to an end in the most drastic way: drowning. The unpredictable weather and variation of weather conditions among areas with a relatively close span dictates the severity of the whole thing. Sad to say, even though there are quite a number aware about this situation, we still continue damaging the beauty Mother Nature holds at her finest.


4. ERADICATE WORLD HUNGER


People under the ruling of some poor local government (i.e. the Philippines) suffer a great extent because of their leaders wrong doings. The politicians live in a hefty palace-like grand mansion in contrary to the unprevileged living along the streets. How come politicians do not do concrete actions towards them? Are they simply turning a blind eye to reality in hoping that one day it would just eventually disappear with the magic wand of a wizard or fairy of some sort? Buzz! Wrong! Millions are likely sleeping with an empty stomach; some are even feeding on Rugby. You could see real skinny kids whose duty starts at daybreak, selling materials they have and at night, begging solely for money. My heart is pierced with this unexpected reality. Those in very remote areas are also not being given attention to, or in this case may be given some attention but very limited. Only a few percent of Filipinos eat three meals a day. And that is something unbearable that even my own self cannot process.


5. WORLD PEACE


Terror threats are everywhere. You go on a plane: possibility of hijack; You enter some store: there might be a bomb; You go somewhere: you might get kidnapped. I do not know how wrong these people think or whether they are even in their right mind. Take the recent happenings in Iraq for instance. Millions have fled their homes in search for some safe evacuation center, partly away from danger but still near the midst of it. Bombings everywhere. Killing people seem to have been some form of recreation. This is what people cannot explain about themselves. The conflicting cultures and religions can be blamed in behalf of all aspects bringing about the shaping of a dangerous environment. It is not a suprise anymore that Philippines is part of the terror threats. Just a few ship-days away, Mindanao, on the far south, has the most recent violent happenings, ranging from the actual killing of Abu Sayaff members and Marines; to being headed; and even, mutilated. Wherever does it state in the bible that killing is part of God's plan? And whever did the people get the notion that revenge is the key to solving a conflict? Yes, revenge provides satisfaction but it results to a mere unlimited chain of revenge. Lucky are the people who are spared from terror threats and death but unlucky are the people who think that violent events result to peace.




These, my friends, are the top five things I would grant once I am bestowed superpowers. I have also simple matters to wish for: good health, protection, excellent grades, a promising future and even, finding the one. But even so, I think I would need to grant myself open-mindedness specially to new happenings. And talking about new happenings, I have to prepare myself and brace the fact that Ms. Martinez is not our Statistics teacher anymore. Because of the lack of teachers within our school and a couple of teachers granted maternity leave, they had to renew schedules and unfortunately, we were the first section to be eliminated from Ms. Martinez's class. (Nonetheless, she is still our Algebra teacher.) I am not sure how I can cope up easily with this sudden change but I do hope to catch up with the replacement's style of teaching (There are rumors that the substitute is Ms. Opiniano). Otherwise, I would grant myself the opportunity to basically flunk-- this of which I'm not allowing myself to fall into. On the contrary, I think the coming of the new teacher would open up doors to new, exciting opportunities. However, tough as this may seem, I think I am ready for the challenge. So, bring it on!

Friday, August 24, 2007



I am in good condition and quarterly tests seem to have altered its way. After three consecutive days of first quarter assessment-- which actually felt like being locked up in a jail of silence, with momentary interruptions of having to attend to academic duties (i.e. studying)-- I finally can declare that I've crumpled up my first quarter crap, cut up all unnecessary links temptation and set my bookmark onto a new chapter of Sophomore Year: Second Quarter.

Time flies so fast that I felt tests swooping down our classroom aisle. The alloted duration of one hour for each test (maximum of three tests a day) seemed to have been just enough for the countless test items challenged onto us. Poor students. Imagine, we still have to check them afterwards. And, considering that Statistics was decided upon to be in a form of no-room-for-erasure test (literally), made it all the more build pressure. What I did was to basically answer in pencil first, then outlined it with pen after checking. Took up time-- a lot of time. And no, I will not make an incredibly lengthy restatement of how the test went because for one, it will just bore you all. I mean, spilling an entire bowl of first quarterly test experiences, who am I kidding? After all, it's not a bowl of sweets. It's something more, let's say a pack of black chocolates topped with tamarind. Yes, totally unattractive.

I have been much more devoted to spending the whole afternoon yesterday for studying since I had only two tests lined up: Filipino and Algebra. Call me crap/sucker/loser, but I definitely have a hard time taking Filipino tests. Even though it has been practically part of my entire schooling years, my ability in Filipino hasn't increase even by a half percent. Impossible? Let's just say.. it's the mere truth. See, it's the uncovered reality. And yes, I feel kind of eerie at the moment because if I continue decreasing (or in this case, remain in stagnation phase) my Filipino skills, I will have the hardest time coping up with college standards-- and that, I do not want to happen. I am a girl who have big dreams. Put me under the ambitious category, fine with me. Label me as someone bold, oh dear, I wish I am. But really, my skills are slowly depleting its supply and if I do not attend to it as soon as possible, I might be enjoying the rest of my summer with Filipino class remedials. Definitely not my type of vacation. Blame it on the beautifully stored Encarta (English) Dictonary programmed on this computer. Just look at how it amazes me by the mere fact that synonyms and meaning of some high-class vocabulary is just about a few typed-letters, plus a click, away. Now, I do not have to manually search a word in the dictionary (and condition myself to recite the alphabet silently in my head). But even so, this kind of "electrodictio" (my way of saying: electronic dictionary) captured my self-inflicted interest in learning lexitons and sucked up almost the whole of my willingness to learn some Filipino words-- in which, sad to say, increased 10ft in height (or was it just my skill that decreased 10ft in height?). Whichever happens so, I am a poor Filipino enthusiast with my alacrity blocked by some huge brick wall which relatively pushed my curiosity over the Western Side. For someone as grade concious as me, this is a big thing for I am leaning over to one end while the other is slowly sinking underground. I need some action.. and I need it soon.

But then, my commitment to hit the books was disrupted by a good, relaxing afternoon sleep. I gradually felt my eyes swooping down while reading Aralin 12 of Florante at Laura and soon enough, I found myself snuggling with some throw pillows in the Living Room. For about an hour, I was enjoying my peaceful sleep with humoungous raindrops drip-dropping-plip-plopping on our roof. And yes, that was a relaxing recreation-- it freed my mind and loosened up the tight ropes of pressure building up upon me as I was left with eight chapters to read.

No again. I will not talk about the tests. But yes, let me get you in some little secret: sugar overload. (I will leave you to find out about it. Unclear?? That's the point.)

As soon as the bell rang signaling the end of the last test, I was grateful enough and wanted to open up a bottle of champaigne and say cheers to everyone-- everyone who survived the tormenting tests. Likewise, it was made impossible by my illegal age, and for a school run by a nun, I don't think so. In other words, it was a big NO-NO. But heck, the joy of being freed from the captivity of evilish-ly designed tests was incomparable. Similarly, the bondage of late night studying was brushed off temporarily and finally, I can take a deep breath. Cheers to all of us.

The rate of time was unimaginable that it brought about the end of the first quarter. Sophomore year has three more chapters to go before I close the book and store it in memory lane-slash-shelf. Unbelievably, I think I have come to cope up with the adjustments and now that I've turned onto a whole new episode, I will keep myself the commitment of doing better and better as days go by. No promises made this time because promises are big, big words in reality and not being to fulfill them brings about depression. So, I might as well just work things out and in the end, you never know, I might have just satisfied myself with even the simplest accomplishments I achieved.

For now, cheers to all. And welcome to Chapter Two.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007



..Okay, I will practically strip down my clothes and run around the house screaming, "All hail, I will FAIL."


...But then of course, I was just kidding. I would not do it literally nor metaphorically because it doesn't basically make sense at all. And yeah, with all the flabs and tabs I have, there is no way that I could wear a bikini-- nor strip my clothes off for that matter-- any time soon. I have got to lose some pounds, dearies and it is a serious matter this time.

Actually, it came to me like a loud thud equal to the slapping of my thick Prentice Hall (Low Price Edition) Biology book unto my face. Ouch! Nah, not Ouch! ... Ouuuuuuuuuch! Well, I would not dare emphasize it because it pierced me real hard but left me laughing my head off. Whew. Now I know, a lot of people think I'm gaining weight and my youngest sister even called me a hamburger for that matter. Geez. I might as well starve myself until I lose those seven pounds I gained throughout the fruitless summer. But then again, that's a joke. After all, I am a self-confessed food-a-holic so I am practically very far off being bulimic or anorexic but very near the edge of falling into the over-weight category (of which my Mom said I belong at the moment).

Well, okay. The whole idea about me losing weight sucks but believe me, it is the alarming issue at home equal to (probably) the news about Lindsay gone bad. But of course, I am not Lindsay nor anyone like her at any degree. I am just the fifteen-year old Sophomore kid, petite in height and cannot fit her fatty thighs in size 2 jeans. Truth is, 86% of fat go straight to my thighs, while the remaining 14% are narrowly distributed to my cheeks and two arms... and yeah, don't forget the bum. I got lots of improvement and working to do before I achieve my shape-y model dream figure. Okay, cut the crap. Maybe, I am not destined to be one but still, I have got to shed off some pounds. I am big-- I know. Period.

On the contrary, I hope my test scores would be as fat as my thighs.. Cheers to me, I will be cramming all week. (Well, maybe not much..) And cheers to everyone, let's study all night. (Okay, this kind of sucks..)

Monday, August 20, 2007



There is this constant whirring sound in my computer going on for days. It actually scared the hell of me because in reality, it might just explode any minute. Moments later, I'd be found blood stained and everything with the least of my organs flying freely in air. *Knock on wood* But then again, I am spared from my gory thoughts and thankfully, up to now, my computer is still well functioning and no sign of over-heating whatsoever. It's just the whirring sound stopping and going every now and then which I think is due to something inside the Central Processing Unit being tangled up. Talk about cleaning gadgets, I am too flunked at that. And no, I have no gutts to act like some Computer Techie because frankly, I might just get electrocuted along the way. Now that it still functioning as expected, I have no worries.

Well, today is just a regular-stay-at-home Sunday with nothing too grand at hand. My sister, after having begged my Mom kazillion times to have her hair cut and layered, had been granted her pleading to do so. As for my youngest sister, she is content having the GameBoy SP in her hands all day with variations of tapes to choose from-- SpongeBob, ScoobyDoo, FIFA 2006, Grand Theft Auto, to name afew. And for me, nothing really. I am content at how I waste my time in front of this computer doing zilch and probably contributing to the cause of Global Warming-- of which scares me to death because of the idea that we will all drown in some fifty, or less, years' time.

I begged my Mom that we check out the latest five-storey, Fully Booked outlet at the Fort. But much to my dismay, my begging was not enough because she (my Mom aka the Queen) is preoccupied with doing her exercise stunts, whining that she'd have to lose weight SOON. Ha! And now, considering that I am two pounds heavier than her, she decided to put me on some diet. Take note, she watches me like some murderer in jail, eager to escape lifetime captivity. Truth be told, I did gain weight over the summer and over the course of the two weekends of which I have to munch something all the time, if not I fall into the realm of some moody teenager. (And surely, you wouldn't want to see me that way!) So, as my Mom put it, I have to lose weight: SOON and NOW! It takes just self-discipline.. but thing is, I have poor self-discipline.

Looking on the brighter side, Egay has finally taken its leave along with the Monsoon Rains. I woke up with a partly sunny, partly gloomy weather today which made me want to curl up and wrap myself around thick sheets of blanket. The weather brushed away my eagerness and willingness last night to attend to my academic duties set for this day. Laziness I suppose but I'll get through it after lunch. Meanwhile, I spent an ample (okay fine, a LOT) of time last night to watch a couple of movies. Blades of Glory which was evilish-ly funny (though with a bit of sexual language content and some horrible gestures) managing to turn my usual bland persona upside down. Then, I tried to amuse myself with The Simpsons Movie because it seemed to have a caught a lot of the Y-Gen and some X-Gen but I simply dispise it. On my account, it was too shallow to be classified as comedy and too shallow to be appreciated and processed by myself. I had to admit, it wasn't my thing but it's good to know, that there were those who enjoyed it. Moving on, I had the chance to watch Evan Almighty which was the Great Noah of today's Generation-- a funny family film related to God and like my previous post, battling worldly desires.

If you ask me how I made up the most of my spare time this loooong weekend, most likely I caught up with things I wasn't able to do because of too many responsibilities to attend to in terms of school-related activities. Well, most likely, this week will be somehow hectic once again because of the rescheduled tests. (Pardon me for all delayed posts.)

Sunday, August 19, 2007



Hail thee, hail thee, classes are suspended-- alas, we are saved from the fiery furnace of the killer QT week. Thank you, Egay. As always, storms have been my loyal friends amidst the destruction they bring to both people's property and lives. Basically, they save us from the evil realm of wicked schoolworks-- at least, to students who were driven crazy by school-related facets-- and are open enough to friendship vows made along the way. If I could hug Egay, I would but of course, I would be sucked up into a funnel and fly crazily like ingredients in a blender. A mere thank you is enough, I suppose.

Yet, I still feel a twinge of gratefulness because of the fact that supertyphoon Egay did not hit us right smack Manila. If so, we would have been trapped in the middle of destruction and once again, lives (thousands of them) could be wiped out in a flash. Not to mention, livelihood of people will be affected as well. If economy is now poor, the destruction could have dragged us all even deeper. A merciful act indeed.

But if you are some newspaper enthusiast (like me!!) there is definitely more to Egay being now 150 km northeast of the bordering north islands of the Philippines. True enough, massive raindrops and endless of them-- for about three consecutive days-- brought about severe water supply and flood to cities which obviously have very clogged canals. Now and then, the issue about clogged drainage or canals have not been, by any degree, trivial because they are urgent matters to be given immediate attention by the local government in equal participation of the people. Well, who could have thought that the issue was much much more severe? In reality, we give a damn in making our country's beauty flourish even more without actually trying to pull up all negativity which have been deeply sucked up by gravity-- thinking that they would all zap away once we get all good things straight. Buzz! Wrong. The more we delay these basic problems, the more they have the tendency to be grow into a fountain of teething troubles. Until, some time in the near future, we have nothing else to do but regret the mere ignorance we put on these "light" issues and wish that, in a way or another, we worked together to revive the city once again. But who could blame us? Right now, we are having good times with everyone and trying to put off our duties thinking that there will be some other good time to do it-- just not now. See, the basic concept of time management reflects even from the fundamental negligence of school work-- Uh-oh, I am prone to this. Sunken misconceptions have brought our conscience into a critical level wherein bad things win over good.

If you ask me, these are just mere words coming from who else but one of the thousands-- no, millions-- of teenagers in the world: ME. True enough, I do not have the capacity to command all people to work and clean the canals because for one, I do not know how to go about the process either. Here is when, I think, those whom we look up to and dub as "professionals" should use their capabilities the most. Because right now, there are hardly enough good, gifted people to sustain our country's basic needs. Those who lead us live a life directed (if not, related) to wrong directions because they succumb to human's worldly desires. They, who are gifted, give a sh*t of themselves, humiliating themselves in public not knowing that their wrong conducts do them demerits. Sad to say, because of poverty, people have learned to look up to the wrong people. We are blinded by too many issues which up to now have no exact solution. And those who really have something good to offer are not being welcomed by the government-- it's always the basic principles that these people lack. Frankly, they are too ecstatic about getting into the government and lead the people because of nothing else but money. And when they lose, they christen their opponents as cheaters. But heck, who said that leading the country would require to have a good position in the government? Because of people's incorrect thinking, this misconception has lead to the absence of the true characteristics of leaders.

We are a poor country, a poor nation.. would we still want to be in the hands of poor leaders? By "poor leaders" I mean those who do not live up to their duties; those who after elections do nothing but doze off to sleep in their comfortable seats; and simply those who easily succumb to all human desires. If you come to think of it, almost all serving in the local government have sumptuous meals everyday; live in a great, big mansion; and basically, have luxurious SUV's. I cannot help but think about how they come to live so comfortably when almost 81% of Filipinos sleep with hungry stomachs and sleep on elsewhere. Nomads, Filipino edition indeed.

Yes I am partly feeling anger towards how our government has come to be. I know that they have their capabilities but they sure do not use them the way they should. Well before the start of elections they give people the promise of fulfilling this and that but in the end, they do almost nothing at all. I pity us Filipinos. I hope that one day we'd wake up, soaked in the rain and freed from all our worldly desires. I hope that one day we wake up thinking of our function as citizens of our country and that one day we cut all strings attached to issues which pull us down deep, deep underground.

Sunday, August 12, 2007



I do not practically have any idea what to blog about at the moment but I am giving time to do so because I might not be able to blog later this week. Exams and studying until the wee hours of the morning hold me back and lock me up tight. This time, it is more hectic, more elegantly evilish. No wonder, I will be the only one awake in the household because of the eight tests which should be taken in a span of three days. So, in average, a half-day of exams would equal to three tests and God forbid, Biology was scheduled first in line. Exactly, this is not a piece of cake nor my cup of tea. Let's burn the midnight oil everybody! No sleep for me this week.

Just recently, I am feeling a huge amount of guilt and regret towards my crammed T.H.E. project and our crammed Environmental Education (Aquatic Ecosystem) project. Why is it that I always have to learn things the hard way? Up to now, I can't even grasp the whole idea that cramming is bad. Sure, I can get hold of its surface but getting it on a much deeper scale-- meaning, doing some action and avoiding it-- is something that I have been unsuccessfully doing over the course of my whole school-driven life. Putting of things and delaying them has always been part of my system and so, I think it will be hard to literally detach and tear it to pieces because obviously, it is something I've grown up with-- just the same case with genetically inherited diseases.. it's basically something real hard to get out.

By the time I reached school, I saw my classmates' beautifully made self portfolio and from there you could see their utmost effort. Chessy's work, for instance, grabbed my attention because she had hers made on something more original-- veering away from the traditional scrapbook layout. Believe me, I cannot help but feel a pang of anger towards myself. Maybe, I could have done better--- (OH MAN, here I go again)--- if I hadn't crammed it in the first place. Mine was a good example of mediocre work. It was indeed a project not worth keeping. I blame no one else but myself-- my lazy ass which couldn't get itself working. Screw me, I have just wasted time, effort and the possibility of getting a higher grade. I trashed every opportunity there was until I was left with nothing, nada.

But then again, I am not as creative as you think and coming up with the idea of the project itself is a huge disaster. I had to tear out my scalp and tap my brain inside which I should say, one part is already inactive, deeply trapped in a long period of hibernation-- which maybe be a good explaination for my non-productive self.

Yes, I have a goal this year and I have my own big dreams as a student too. I certainly dislike myself for giving in to distractions easily and having adapted the routine of putting off things until the very, very last minute. Alarmed by the fact that I am slowly but surely crushing my dreams and throwing away all the good opportunities, I wish to turn over into a new leaf. I do not believe that it is something I could not do nor something too late to accomplish. If I start as soon as possible, I think I would get this overgrown disease of cramming out of my system in no time. By then, regret would also be obliterated from my vocabulary and a smooth-flowing future would lay ahead of me-- paving the road to a successful career.

Thursday, August 09, 2007



It's amazing how people can stand the complaints showered upon them by the "youth" they are constantly talking to. No offense, but I do share my own blab-mouth-with-unnecessary-words to-say-just-full-off-outright-complaints. I do not know how many kilograms my family hears of me saying so each day but truthfully, I pity them and at the same time, admire them for having been ever so patient in living up with my nasty habit.

Just recently, when I oppened my Yahoo Messenger account, the pop-up window for "Offline Messages" appeared. I read through them one by one just in case there was something important. One of them contained this message (rephrased by moi): "Sana wala nalang pasok bukas. Tinatamad ako. Hehehehehe." Later, I found out that classes were suspended. (Damn. Too much for that No-Classes-For-AA today fact, uh? Total Waste.) Anyway, before that account signed out, I received another group message, "Sana may pasok nalang, walang magawa dito sa bahay. Gusto ko umalis." Funny. Totally Hilarious. One time, he was wishing school was suspended and just moments after, he wanted school to be back. Man, how quick that wish was.

Well, it is kind of shallow if you think about it but it dawned on me the fact on how we want things to happen instantly-- without actually waiting even just for a few moments. That's the sickness of youth today (and I am one of the many victims). There is not a pint of patience in us that's why we never learned the value of waiting. All we think about is having what we want when we want it-- and "when we want it" is synonymous to NOW, NOW, NOW! Bratty?? Hell yeah! Too bratty that we can't even recognize we're part of the bad-influence society. Who said we were great enough to rule the next world? No one should put us to ruling unless we learn the basic necessities and values in life. We think of ourselves as someone superior-- someone perfect-- without actually noticing that we have been driving ourselves insane by keeping up to the What's-Hot-And-What's-Not nowadays. Thus, ending up in a cycle of bratty, nasty attitudes. Then later, we will be a self-transformed little monster. Freaky.

Maybe, this just serves as a reminder that we must think before we speak. Complaints are just damn too redundant and who the heck would want to repeatedly hear a statement full of dissatisfaction? Well, a foolish man would but I am sure, we are not all foolish men-- we've got to push our brains to work. Good, positive and wise words are what we should learn to regard about life. Afterall, it's not a bad world out there, it is just our wrong mindset playing tricks on us.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007



I am at the peak of wanting to blog for no particular reason at all. Most likely, it could be somehow blamed from inspiration driven by reading Young Blood 3-- which I admit, is what preoccupies my free time lately. Yes dearies, blame it to the magnificently-written essays of which you cannot actually believe that behind them are the Filipino youth trying to mirror their experiences and others' experiences as well. Simply unbelievable. Truth be told, the fact that Filipino youth can be really good writers never dawned on me and now that I am faced with a written record as proof, I cannot brace the mere fact that we can be good writers too. Likewise, I am thankful to them because they inspire and open doors to opportunities which lay dormant for quite a while. Perhaps, the fear of being rejected or not-well-liked holds us back from our true desires but it is exemplified in the following published essays that these simple fears should not prevent us from chasing our ultimate dreams. The challenge deeply lies on whether you will let yourself be swallowed up as a whole and allow fears to crush your dreams into pieces or you will push yourself to the limit and try to squeeze in that little whole at the end of the tunnel which is labeled, "freedom." Which to choose, it depends on you. Weaknesses, fears and backfired plans should not hinder you nor put an end to your ability to being successful in life.

The highlight of my day is not really the exclusive-for-year-two Confession that took place in the morning but yet I want to make it so.

Confession is a fundamental part of Catholics' life but I am not a very responsible and religious catholic member and so I seldom have the chance to "come clean" and only do it when school provides or supports such. As expected, I am also quite unfamiliar with the process by how things should go (i.e. what's the first sentence you utter, what do you say next, when does the priest start talking, etc.). In other words, I hardly know a thing about Confession (only that it is something that you do to cleanse or free yourself from the bondage of sin). Basically, I am an irresponsible Catholic citizen and this is a big, big thing considering the fact that I come from a Catholic school-- run by no one else but nuns.

Amazingly, when I had my turn in confession I was comfortably walking towards the vacant chair facing some foreign-looking with British-Australian accent priest (of course, this I did not recognize yet until he finally spoke) with not even an ounce of nervousness. When I started talking, asking for forgiveness and opening up my suitcase of endless sins-- of which I selected only a handful because I basically forgot them-- that was when I felt a bit lost and confused. I did not know what gesture to do to signal the priest that I was done on narrating my part. Fortunately, I remebered the line which I had to say first, "For these and all the sins which I cannot now remember..." From there, the foreign-looking bearded "quite" old minister took on his part. He advised me to: 1)Try to see the positive/good things in myself and others; and 2)Thank the Lord for the blessings, protection, talents/abilities, etc. which both serve as my penance too. Basically, this mindset brought me to thinking that he might be some sort of fortune-teller-slash-psycho-slash-stalker because his penance (for me) were things which actually hit the spot. It hit the mark!!!-- without me expecting it.

Frankly, I am not an optimistic person (and I am surprised Father noticed it for I do not know how he came to recognize that I was so) and hardly, hardly will I have ample amount of faith in myself-- I am mostly veered toward putting myself down which, in all cases, is a bad, terrible, tragic thing. I realized that everytime I put myself down, I withdraw huge amounts from my self-confidence account and at the same time, draw myself to expensive debts which would take years to make up for. It was not a good strategic plan because it is good things and bad things in a ratio of 1:2 and the gap in between just gets bigger and bigger by the minute. Useless, one can say.

On the contrary, I am a hard-to-please student specially when it comes to my own set of grades. I set myself to tremendously high standards which I cannot achieve or can achieve only if I stupidly sacrifice one whole schoolnight of sleep (to me, it is equivalent to 6 hours at most) which, obviously, I will not do. Sometimes, I push myself too hard and expect too much in return and once I find out that the result is inferior to what I had expected I pout and feel awful as if the end of the world is near. Then, this is followed by a long list of, "If only I had........I could have done better."

As you may have noticed "contentment" is nowhere in my vocabulary. But I wish to incorporate it soon. I do not want myself to grow up as some bratty, materialistic girl who gets everything she WANTS in life nor do I want to be someone who feels so unsatisfied with what she gets or what she has. I just want myself to learn to live simply and to learn to accept whatever comes my way. Likewise, I want to learn how to juggle experiences alongside trials. Yes, simple dreams for a young lady like me but I am challenged to exemplify my contentment to all facets in life. Afterall, I have my basic necessities: Food, Clothing, Good Education, Loving Family, Understanding Friends, Forgiving God.... What more can I ask for? At the moment, perhaps a little more self-love.

Sunday, August 05, 2007



I had no idea how barbaric Filipinos can still be. The recent article (published in the newspaper) about 14 marines killed-- 10 of them beheaded, others mutilated-- is simply unreachable for my little world of child-like imagination. It brought me once again to the novel we discussed during Freshman year: Without Seeing the Dawn. Believe it or not, others were tortured before putting an end to their dear lives. Mind you, if I was in their place, I would have opted for the instant decapitation process (but God forbid, may it not happen now.. soon.. or whenever). I know we are ultimately far from where this horrible incident occured but it promtly sent shivers running up and down my spine. Just imagine how scared to death the residents must be. But who are we to blame, this is life-- Life that is bittersweet and tragic. Just another angle of what we used to dub as sweet, sweet life.

May it not be that foreign countries christen us as the "unlikely" Filipinos. Yes, as barbaric as we may be, I am sure we ultimately share the desire of being one as country and nation. The only thing that hinders us is our mindset-- our wrong mindset. Most of us think that we are or we have to be superior than others. Sadly, this leads to competitive thinking which later results to feuds. We close our doors to possible mistakes and drive ourself insane by thinking that we are correct and perfect ALL THE TIME. But then again, who are we to blame? All these competitive thinking root out, at times, in our home and later develop in school. For instance, if you have the capacity, pressure just builds up on you without you actually noticing it. Then, slowly but surely, you are driving yourself insane.

Whatever causes us to be what we are now is blamed on the influence of the wrong surroundings and how we basically succumb to it. If we could patch things up peacefully, we still desire revenge: usually in a cruel, brutal manner that equal to what was done to us or at times, even greater. Revenge just results to revenge-- forming an unlimited chain of "revenge." How come we disregard peaceful attempts and proceed to more ferocious plans? If you come to think of it, one peaceful talk between two opposing forces may result to regaining harmony once again. But no, we skip these "peaceful" processes and disregard them as if they were events in fantasy-oriented happenings. Blinded by too much thinking, I suppose. We cannot anymore see the simple things-- so we look straight ahead to the horizon several miles away. No wonder that we cannot achieve our common goal.

On the contrary, who would even put much effort into attaining the desire without actually letting the other experience the same thing? It is the kind of thinking which somehow goes, "If you do this to me, I will also do it to you (sometimes, at greater expense)." We cannot blame anyone for this way of life because it is the product of a misinterpreted "Golden Rule." And at the now times, who would be courageous enough to face troubles free-handedly and in a calmed, peaceful attempt? With all these fueds going on among the nations (particularly religion-related ones), there are few souls who are willing to hold back their barbaric ways. But even so, I think that if you stand in the middle of a lush-green forest, if the opposing force knew that you were the enemy, you are going to be down in a second-- without being able to recite a heart-felt prayer.

Truthfully, as barbaric as we may seem, I think we are good Filipinos at heart. It's just that, we allow all these wrong doings to accumulate within ourselves and build up pressure between our good and bad habits. It is just a matter of self-discipline, if you ask me. I believe that if a person can control her own mindset, a wrong environment would not easily penetrate within. Everyone has their flaws but we should not let this "tao-lang-naman-kaya't-nagkakamali" thinking to get into the way. Sure, we cannot be perfect but we must veer toward attaining excellence. After all, it is only once that we get to live, make a move, affect a change-- it only happens once so better do your part.

Saturday, August 04, 2007



Two thirty in the afternoon I jumped in the car and Mom drove me to Kumon for I was scheduled to take the queen test of all tests-- the Completion Test in Kumon Reading, that is. I arrived much earlier and the proctor did not come until quarter to four. So, I was blessed with ample time to browse through my previous L worksheets. But then, I also ended up accomplishing half of my three-page worksheets in math. Once the proctor arrived, I put down everything and she demonstrated how the test would work. She gave me an "untimed reading" which allowed me to understand all the test items but not answer yet. It took me about 10 mins to do it and finally, I held my pencil in one hand, started jotting down the required fields of information and stated my time. Once the digital clock flashed 3:57, I flipped the page and started.

Frankly, it was hard and confusing. Yes, half of it was based on my past L worksheets which sad to say, I have not reviewed. The other half was kind of revised so I had to think real hard while answering. It had a variety of literature ranging from Pride and Prejudice, Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde up to Macbeth. There was actually no smooth transition. Also the directions varied from page to page. My mind was spinning-- I was getting dizzier by the minute plus confusion surrounded me. Who thought it would be all easy and smooth-flowing? Not me. Definitely. Not. Me.

My time duration was somewhere between the line of thirty to thirty-five minutes. The moment I wrote the finishing time, I handed my paper to the proctor who was, the whole time, beside me. While she was checking it, I bowed my head and started to pray. I prayed that a miracle would happen to save me from failing this test. And true enough, after some time, she (the proctor) held out her hand to congratulate me. I got a mark of 51/60. Good enough for a shallow LitNerd, eh? Truthfully, I wasn't expecting myself to do this well but as to how results point out, I think I underestimated my own capabilities too much. I may have done a little bit better if I just had faith in myself.

Going off to the brighter side, I am officially a Kumon Reading Completer. This step actually motivated me more in finishing my Kumon Math-- in which I still have six letters to go. I know it may be another long, rough road but it will surely be an incomparable experience. And, as how many people point out, Kumon will help me in the future. (Hopefully). Now, I am grateful that I successfully torn down the thought of giving up. And I congratulate myself for that.

Likewise, I am divinely inspired to do well in school. I am compelled to pushing myself to extremes at reasonable accounts. Moreover, strive or rather aim for excellence because I believe in myself that I can, now, handle things.

For all those who have insecurities and feel that they are inferior to majority, I think it's now time to get out of your comfort zones and really work on things which you do best. As they say, you never know unless you give it a try. And, if moments come wherein you tend to give up, just think of how many people you may inspire by a single, good deed. There is no opportunity that must end up as a waste. We all live for a purpose and our mission is to discover them.