Sunday, August 12, 2007



I do not practically have any idea what to blog about at the moment but I am giving time to do so because I might not be able to blog later this week. Exams and studying until the wee hours of the morning hold me back and lock me up tight. This time, it is more hectic, more elegantly evilish. No wonder, I will be the only one awake in the household because of the eight tests which should be taken in a span of three days. So, in average, a half-day of exams would equal to three tests and God forbid, Biology was scheduled first in line. Exactly, this is not a piece of cake nor my cup of tea. Let's burn the midnight oil everybody! No sleep for me this week.

Just recently, I am feeling a huge amount of guilt and regret towards my crammed T.H.E. project and our crammed Environmental Education (Aquatic Ecosystem) project. Why is it that I always have to learn things the hard way? Up to now, I can't even grasp the whole idea that cramming is bad. Sure, I can get hold of its surface but getting it on a much deeper scale-- meaning, doing some action and avoiding it-- is something that I have been unsuccessfully doing over the course of my whole school-driven life. Putting of things and delaying them has always been part of my system and so, I think it will be hard to literally detach and tear it to pieces because obviously, it is something I've grown up with-- just the same case with genetically inherited diseases.. it's basically something real hard to get out.

By the time I reached school, I saw my classmates' beautifully made self portfolio and from there you could see their utmost effort. Chessy's work, for instance, grabbed my attention because she had hers made on something more original-- veering away from the traditional scrapbook layout. Believe me, I cannot help but feel a pang of anger towards myself. Maybe, I could have done better--- (OH MAN, here I go again)--- if I hadn't crammed it in the first place. Mine was a good example of mediocre work. It was indeed a project not worth keeping. I blame no one else but myself-- my lazy ass which couldn't get itself working. Screw me, I have just wasted time, effort and the possibility of getting a higher grade. I trashed every opportunity there was until I was left with nothing, nada.

But then again, I am not as creative as you think and coming up with the idea of the project itself is a huge disaster. I had to tear out my scalp and tap my brain inside which I should say, one part is already inactive, deeply trapped in a long period of hibernation-- which maybe be a good explaination for my non-productive self.

Yes, I have a goal this year and I have my own big dreams as a student too. I certainly dislike myself for giving in to distractions easily and having adapted the routine of putting off things until the very, very last minute. Alarmed by the fact that I am slowly but surely crushing my dreams and throwing away all the good opportunities, I wish to turn over into a new leaf. I do not believe that it is something I could not do nor something too late to accomplish. If I start as soon as possible, I think I would get this overgrown disease of cramming out of my system in no time. By then, regret would also be obliterated from my vocabulary and a smooth-flowing future would lay ahead of me-- paving the road to a successful career.