Sunday, January 04, 2009



I realized that 2008 swooped by and I haven't grabbed the opportunity to actually say my last words for the past year. I think that it would be the absolute thing to do since it is a new year this time and what a perfect way to officially close the past year with a decent, reminiscent post.

Well, 2008 has been an incredible journey, not only for me but I believe, for others as well. It was the time which allowed every individual to grow richer in experience and live up to maturity needs. It was the break-free moment for a nation blinded by earthly desires wrapped around in greed, fraud and lies. It was the occurrence of simple every day miracle of physical, spiritual and emotional healing. It was His unwavering love and embrace to those seeking comfort. 2008 was a journey-- a journey towards a better world, a better country, a better nation, a better community, a better family, a better you.

As for me, I can personally say that 2008 was a roller coaster ride-- not an absolute haywire but quite a challenge to bear with every day. More so, it was a period of rediscovering and discovering myself as well. I had managed to come to a better understanding of myself, of my function, of what I am capable of achieving. But I guess the biggest thing that I encountered this year was growing up and letting go-- reality.

I had not known how much feelings I've stored within me for the past--almost--couple of years. If it weren't for that special letter, I probably would have been holding on to something which should have been let go way, way in the past. The feelings were immeasurable. They were present for me to reminisce and think about the "good times"-- and also, sulk over what had happened, what could have happened, why it did not happen. It was something which made me feel good that I was loved but it all eventually ended up making me feel like wanting to engage in it all over again. It trapped me into a vast array of "if... only" statements. Not really pinning down and giving up on all hope that is left. I was holding on when in fact, it should have been set free long ago.

Two years may have been ancient and too long to hold on to. Perhaps, I was dumbfounded with this "crazy little thing" that it overwhelms even my inner system, locking my ears up so as not to hear the incessant cries of common sense, "let go, this is not worth the wait." I was left there, hoping and hoping and hoping. Even in the most unusual circumstance, I can't bear the fact of letting go.

Yes. I hated that about myself.

More than once I thought that we'd be on that road again. I was wrong. It was only me. I, who was so crazily infatuated by superficial imaginations, fell into a manhole of unreachable dreams, bombarded by "why" questions. And then again, I did not lose hope. In that manhole, I was still clinging on tightly to the thin rope, hoping that it was that someone holding on to rescue me. There goes again my false hope. I was wrong. The rope, well, it was just stuck to the road up ahead.

When I wrote the letter, I made sure that everything I wanted to say, every emotion I wanted to let go of, and every hope that's left of me, would be written with all sincerity. And that I surely did.

Believe it or not, until now I haven't completely closed my doors yet.. although I would have wanted to do so, I cant. I don't want to rule out the fact that perhaps fate would bring it all back again. On the contrary, I managed to close it little by little-- an inch at a time.

Well, there goes my love story. It wasn't all that good but it wasn't all that bad either. It has proven me a lot of things about myself-- things which I never knew I possessed until I wrote the letter.

For one, I never knew how much capable I am of falling in love and loving someone. I gave my all, meant every word I said and fulfilled that space inside of me which wanted to care for someone. I saw in me a strong person. Someone who, even though held onto deep emotions and an overwhelming range of experiences, managed to stand upright, say my piece and go on with 90% of my life. I discovered how much hopeful I am and persistent not to give up. I learned how to love and felt how great it was to be loved in return.

It's been almost two years and all I can say is, "What a Journey it Was!" I've opened up, finally. And I believe I am a much stronger individual.

And for the record, I am not losing any hope that he'd reply to the letter.

Cheers. Happy New Year to All.