Life is a piece of cake... I wish.

Surprises in Movies and in Life

2009-12-11T10:43:00.000+08:00

I have been having the longest college dilemma ever. Perhaps, it is due to the fact that I have not given it (college) much thought until entrance exams drew near. And to think it was not much of an issue, I never really daydreamed about myself attending college somewhere, some time in the near future. (Well, don't get me wrong here. Yes, I plan to get into college but all the itsy-bitsy tiny details aren't well thought of. I will be pleased by knowing that I get into a good school then the 'planning' ends there.)

Usually, whenever I watch teenage chickflick films (with all their usual themes and topics; issues and dilemmas), I would encounter scenes where they feature one of the stars receiving a letter of acceptance-- or better yet, scholarship-- from some fancyschmancy school they applied in (most often, their dream school).

I never really thought that that same instance I would encounter soon. (And by "soon", I meant this year... just yesterday, to be exact.) Since I wasn't eyeing any particular college here (abroad I have this dream school named, Loyola Marymount University in California-- in which, as I've recently learned, my cousin studies. Oh how envious I feel. But then again, I have decided not to take SAT's any time now. I will wait for that bang of assurance and maturity before I engage in such major decisions involving living a life of independence.) I've got not much worries except that I wish to pass any (or if possible, all) of the three colleges I've applied in-- UP, Ateneo, and UA&P. What actually matters to me is that I pass a college entrance exam so that I will have a college to study in (duhh). That's all, really. And anyway, I have no objection whatsoever with these three schools. They are convenient (with regard to travel time), hold good reputations, and offer a nice set of curriculum. Any of the three can be my dream school, I guess.

Yesterday, after all the stress, pressure, and drama we had in school because of the numerous tests and quizzes we took (which seemed endless, mind you), I went home really tired and eager to rest. Not long though, I was handed a letter by our helper and she said it just arrived that morning. Upon looking at it and reading from whom it came from (University of Asia and the Pacific), I did not much feel any excitement since I was already somehow assured of passing when I got myself interviewed for a full merit scholarship which they considered me a candidate. During the interview, I was accommodated warmly by a lady (of whom I forgot the name, or maybe she didn't mention LOL) whom I had an easy time conversing with. She asked me if I knew why I was there-- why I was considered a candidate for full merit scholarship (along with perky bonuses of 6k stipend and 5k book allowance per semester). Of course, I couldn't help but answer a sheer "no" since as far as I was concerned, I cancelled all my scholarship applications. In other words, I didn't apply for any. In response, she told me that I was considered for such because of my good high school grades and my performance in their entrance examination. And really, that blew me off. I mean, all these high school efforts composed of sleepless nights, study dramas, and big eye bags topped with peer, family, and teacher pressures have finally, FINALLY, paid off. Just plainly knowing that I got considered was a big thing for me-- a really big thing. It was an honor, a privilege, an opportunity which I never thought would come across my way because I know that there are still a whole bunch of other girls way, way smarter than me. Of course, after the peak, the downside was presented. We were, in totality, 21 students considered for the spot, however, only ONE will get the spot. No, my whole world did not collapse after being introduced to the reality. I was still overwhelmed by the thought that I got considered, that I got in, and that this is such an instance which I never thought would exist in my life, which I thought would just stay in the chickflick movies I watched. And like what I mentioned earlier, the fact that I got myself as a candidate is already a big thing for me. Whether I get it or not, I am happy because I got myself this far, and I proved to myself and to my family that I really can do it. I really can excel.

As far as I know, the interview went on smoothly. Of course, there was the usual "i-feel-nervous" syndrome-- cold hands, slight panting. (Ha, I could never get rid of 'em.) But the lady who interviewed me was so pleasant and fun to converse with. She had that comforting tone of voice which eased my anxieties and helped me get through this 'ordeal' which can either break or lead my path towards THE GOAL. Afterwards, I felt really good! It was that elated feeling which overwhelmed me and for the rest of the day, at least, I was at the peak of happiness, something which I haven't really felt for a long while since I've been tangled up with schoolwork.

Before it was over, however, the interviewee told me that they'll keep in touch as to the status of this endeavor, whether I get through or not. Weeks passed by and I was not really expecting any because for sure, there is great competition and yes, the interview itself made its way to my history-- something which I will forever treasure.

Yet my fate took a strikingly good turn yesterday. As I read the letter, it mentioned that I got accepted in UA&P but that the letter itself was not just an acceptance letter-- this was in caps, btw. As I read on, I realized that I got offered 100% merit scholarship with 6k stipend and 5k book allowance per semester. At first, I could not really believe it. I had to read the important sections over and over and over again just to make it sink in. Once it did, I was stupefied (thanks Ms. Raquitico for this word; partly thanks to Les Miserables as well) and again, elated. I was overwhelmed by mixed emotions-- sheer shock, happiness, and the I-can't-believe-it look topped with paralyzation (LOL). But really, I couldn't couldn't believe it. Then Mom, after noticing my weird reaction to the letter, asked me to read it aloud to her. She too was overwhelmed by a feeling of shock and happiness, but it's more of the latter. Much to my excitement, this letter was my 'surprise' to dad. It was the first time ever that both my mom and dad congratulated me together. I felt really good; I felt on top of the world, with both my parents standing beside me, I felt like as if nothing will get in my way.

Yes it is true. After all the hard work, after all the pains, you will be rewarded. And this reward is something I will never ever forget, for the longest time, I suppose. I have until January 15th of next year to confirm my acceptance of the scholarship they offered and really, I will think things through. (A little help friends? UP, Ateneo, UA&P) As of now, I am just so happy to know that these movie scenes can also occur in my life. Perhaps, perhaps, the next chapter will be a love story? Ha-ha-ha. As they say, it's not bad to dream ;-)

A Culmination

2009-02-22T15:15:00.000+08:00

Months of preparation, a week of pressure, a two-day intense preparation and one full night of culmination. Yes, finally, we have had reaped out the rewards of all our hard work during this mystical evening ball, we'd fondly call as Prom.

The night before, I made sure I was going to have ample of rest-- "beauty rest" if that's what you call it-- because I know that the next day was to be one of the this-is-it moments of my life which happens only once, or very seldom. So I might as well recharge my body to be able to completely enjoy an evening of party. As time passed by, I began to feel pressure upon myself. Perhaps, I am worried about how successful--or unsuccessful-- the event will be. Knowing that I am one of the heads, made me recognize how much liable I am if there is something wrong or inappropriate that happens. Another thing is the fact that it is my first time to be all prepped up, head to toe. Also, considering the fact that I opted for a really simple dress, it was all up to me on how I should carry myself. Maaaan, that was one of the toughest parts.

As the clock ticked, I got all the more nervous. I was not ready. Emotionally, perhaps. I did not really feel that evening yet, my spirits weren't up either. Taken in all, I was not ready to let go of the months of hard work and preparation-- I can't believe it's already the culmination.

Anyway, meeting place of My Date and I was non other than the school. Yes, that's how my parents wanted it and I had no other choice. As I entered, it was all shock to me. I couldn't believe how we were able to pull up such a big event. It was amazing! Unfortunately, the weather wasn't all that cooperative. It was hot inside the multi and no fans were turned on. Just imagine how much sweaty you could get if you move even just a bit. I was unsatisfied and bothered that I might get all sweaty, icky and sticky and be messed up once we have our group pictures taken. But then, I was all the more worried about how My Date was coping up with the hot atmosphere-- they were in coat and tie, after all.

Well, there was the usual flow of events: opening prayer, welcoming remarks, opening remarks, singing performance, introduction of awards (to be given that night), dinner, AVP, etc. I was happy enough that somehow My Date and I were comfortable with each other. We talked during the event itself and even did the "awkward" slow dance wherein we just laughed at ourselves, for neither of us knew how to dance well. Good thing the lights were dimmed at least people wouldn't see how funny we were dancing. Ha!

I couldn't actually elaborate more on the event itself. You already know what happens if you've had your own prom, and well, if you haven't, you'll have your turn-- just you wait. For now, I am just happy that all the months of hard work paid off and yes, it was a success.

Kudos to all the Year III ladies who looked beatiful last night!

Once Upon A Time

2009-01-29T18:10:00.002+08:00

I cannot believe how much I enjoyed our Integrated Field Trip. Choosing Transportation, Logistics and Distribution as my career cluster for this event wasn't all that wrong after all. I actually went with my grade six choice of career-- aviation. See, I have been loyal to it all this time!

Well, not really. That's the problem. I haven't actually given much thought on what I would want to pursue in college nor what career path I wish to take. But then, years ago, I've set my mind on becoming a pilot. I was so fascinated with planes and wanted to do something extreme-- something which is unusual-- and so, I guess this desire was partly fulfilled by aspiring for a professional career as an aviator. I mean, come to think of it, there aren't much lady/women pilots out there. (Well, if there were, it's not at par with the ratio of men.) So when the time came for this career cluster grouping, I gave aviation a try. After all, it's just for gaining a little more background about what you think you would like to take up in college. And since there wasn't any other career as appealing to me and my interests, I did sign myself up for Transportation.

As weird as it may seem, I am so so so fascinated with the idea of becoming a pilot that even until now, it sends some sort of adrenaline rush up and down my spine and gives me a temporary increase in my level of hope, uprightness and makes me feel happy, generally. I don't know why, or what brought me to feeling such but perhaps, it could have attributed from the lovely ambiance of the airport, the respectable-looking flight personnel (which I admire, btw) or the complicated view of the cockpit buttons or the cockpit itself. Ahhh. Don't forget the smell of the aircraft-- heaven, indeed. For a while, I've had my own share of hesitations too. For instance, I've pondered on the ideas like, what if someone hijacks the plane, what if we'd have to do an emergency landing, what if we ran out of gas mid-air, etcetera etcetera. But then, I guess when you love something and your heart is really in it, there's a big tendency that the good side would outweigh the downside (despite the fact, that in reality, there are more bad sides to it). Yes, there are also the risks involve, but then again, if you love something and your heart is really in it, it wouldn't matter much, I suppose.

So yes, for today we had our trip to PATTS and AIR LINK. Unfortunately, we weren't fully accomodated by PATTS but we were allowed to tour some parts of their school. It was just like a quick peek inside, about 25-35 mins. Then, we stalled in SM Sucat, waiting for the clock to tick 1:15PM for us to be able to hit the road once again on our way to Air Link. Mind you, in was a small aviation school but I was surprised that they had something prepared to show to us-- a ppt presentation regarding their school, the courses they offer and a brief background of these.

During the talk, I was all the more enlightened and inspired to pursue my dream of becoming a pilot. (The simulator machine made me all the more excited!) As Mr Cocjin (if I remember correctly) described all the wonderful details about the airline industry, my ears were dancing to such beatiful rhythm. I cannot believe it, aviation could actually be exciting.

After the very detailed session we had with the director of the school, we were given the opportunity to tour the campus. It was not a really spacious area but I think it was good enough. The people were well-mannered, mind you. When we were brought to the area where their airplanes were parked, I was left with awe: I think (and should believe) that I would be flying one of those soon. Ha, just you wait.

But then of course, with all the good sides/benefits presented, the bad sides tag along with it. For instance, one should give her full effort and attention in order to be successful in this field-- in other words, no boyfriend, not much social life, no girlfriends. Yes, that's the major downfall of this career. Oh, plus, no holidays. Great Joy. Well, for my parents' part, I guess they would give it a thumbs up-- I mean, the no boyfriend part, at least. As for me, it could be considered unlikely but, honestly speaking, a bit reasonable because of the very expensive tuition fee the school requires: it's no joke to use millions of pesos a year for studying.

Well, if budget permits and my will is still there, I would probably pursue this career. But for now, I'll rejoice over that 100 Geom QT score! Boo-ya!!!

Self-discovery and Hope

2009-01-04T15:39:00.000+08:00

I realized that 2008 swooped by and I haven't grabbed the opportunity to actually say my last words for the past year. I think that it would be the absolute thing to do since it is a new year this time and what a perfect way to officially close the past year with a decent, reminiscent post.

Well, 2008 has been an incredible journey, not only for me but I believe, for others as well. It was the time which allowed every individual to grow richer in experience and live up to maturity needs. It was the break-free moment for a nation blinded by earthly desires wrapped around in greed, fraud and lies. It was the occurrence of simple every day miracle of physical, spiritual and emotional healing. It was His unwavering love and embrace to those seeking comfort. 2008 was a journey-- a journey towards a better world, a better country, a better nation, a better community, a better family, a better you.

As for me, I can personally say that 2008 was a roller coaster ride-- not an absolute haywire but quite a challenge to bear with every day. More so, it was a period of rediscovering and discovering myself as well. I had managed to come to a better understanding of myself, of my function, of what I am capable of achieving. But I guess the biggest thing that I encountered this year was growing up and letting go-- reality.

I had not known how much feelings I've stored within me for the past--almost--couple of years. If it weren't for that special letter, I probably would have been holding on to something which should have been let go way, way in the past. The feelings were immeasurable. They were present for me to reminisce and think about the "good times"-- and also, sulk over what had happened, what could have happened, why it did not happen. It was something which made me feel good that I was loved but it all eventually ended up making me feel like wanting to engage in it all over again. It trapped me into a vast array of "if... only" statements. Not really pinning down and giving up on all hope that is left. I was holding on when in fact, it should have been set free long ago.

Two years may have been ancient and too long to hold on to. Perhaps, I was dumbfounded with this "crazy little thing" that it overwhelms even my inner system, locking my ears up so as not to hear the incessant cries of common sense, "let go, this is not worth the wait." I was left there, hoping and hoping and hoping. Even in the most unusual circumstance, I can't bear the fact of letting go.

Yes. I hated that about myself.

More than once I thought that we'd be on that road again. I was wrong. It was only me. I, who was so crazily infatuated by superficial imaginations, fell into a manhole of unreachable dreams, bombarded by "why" questions. And then again, I did not lose hope. In that manhole, I was still clinging on tightly to the thin rope, hoping that it was that someone holding on to rescue me. There goes again my false hope. I was wrong. The rope, well, it was just stuck to the road up ahead.

When I wrote the letter, I made sure that everything I wanted to say, every emotion I wanted to let go of, and every hope that's left of me, would be written with all sincerity. And that I surely did.

Believe it or not, until now I haven't completely closed my doors yet.. although I would have wanted to do so, I cant. I don't want to rule out the fact that perhaps fate would bring it all back again. On the contrary, I managed to close it little by little-- an inch at a time.

Well, there goes my love story. It wasn't all that good but it wasn't all that bad either. It has proven me a lot of things about myself-- things which I never knew I possessed until I wrote the letter.

For one, I never knew how much capable I am of falling in love and loving someone. I gave my all, meant every word I said and fulfilled that space inside of me which wanted to care for someone. I saw in me a strong person. Someone who, even though held onto deep emotions and an overwhelming range of experiences, managed to stand upright, say my piece and go on with 90% of my life. I discovered how much hopeful I am and persistent not to give up. I learned how to love and felt how great it was to be loved in return.

It's been almost two years and all I can say is, "What a Journey it Was!" I've opened up, finally. And I believe I am a much stronger individual.

And for the record, I am not losing any hope that he'd reply to the letter.

Cheers. Happy New Year to All.

Christmas Frenzy

2008-12-23T18:32:00.000+08:00

I guess you know how crazy households get as Christmas Day draws near. Mind you, even ours was not spared. My Mom has been making deserts since yesterday and our refrigerator is undeniably filled by mouthwatering deserts, which are scheduled to be brought tomorrow to our simple noche buena with my relatives, Father's side. Some of them though will be brought to a Christmas lunch time celebration at my grandparents' place-- Mother's side, this time-- the next day. And, my oh my, how grateful I am for being trapped in a delightful and yummy atmosphere, which is the mere result of all my Mom's baking and cooking. How pleasingly delicious the smell is! I cannot wait to have a taste!

For the meantime, I, on the other hand, have been preoccupied. Ha, well, I suppose you know how much "preoccupied" there was an overstatement. Of course, I have not engaged myself into worthwhile activities ever since break started. Oh, don't blame me. I have been longing for this vacation for quite a while and I am irrefutably happy to be away from school-related facets even just for the mere two weeks. Yes, two weeks of rest and relaxation and I have nothing else to do but to make sure that I will be able to make hay while the sun shines. Anyone care to join?

Admittedly, I have been addicted to doing something worthless. (If you want to call it an addiction, you are free to do so.) I have been in the basement for hours and was drawn away from reality. I was so carried away that I was not anymore mindful of the time. Ha, how crazy it does get! But I'm sortakinda loving it. I mean, the feelig of being carefree, not being mindful, and all. Whoo! It is like summer again. Summer with a cool breeze and a cold atmosphere. My summer in December.

The Feeding of the One-Eighty-Five

2008-12-22T16:19:00.006+08:00

A couple of days ago, my family engaged in our yearly feeding program (for kids). It is the second time for us to hold such (as a family) and this time, the venue was our farm and the invited kids were those living around our homestead. We provided for them a Christmas Party (complete with clowns, a magic show, games, prizes, etc.), something which was quite unusual for them, and of course, prepared a simple merienda of spaghetti, hotdogs and bread.

The moment I arrived, the party was just about to start. I saw the kids and my, they were quite more than what we expected-- in number, I mean. The initial counting of attendees summed up to 125 but on the day itself, it magically stretched to god-knows-how-much. In my mind, I was quite uncertain how the food can actually fit the initial counting. My dad, on the other hand, did not waste anymore time and sent someone off to buy additional supplies to be cooked as soon as possible.

Games. Magic Show. And finally, the food was served. Mom and I supervised the serving of the meal. There were kids who were pushing each other, some were even crying (Dad said, these were the kids who were afraid of the clowns) so it was quite muddling. But god, was I happy when it was all over (I mean, the food was all served) and was all the more happy to know that we were able to feed all 185 of them. Some might call it luck that with the additional food, everyone was served but I guess, it was with the help of God, that there came to be the feeding of the 185-- yes, just like the feeding of the 5,000. Whichever it was, I'd still like to believe it was the latter. Indeed, God works his little miracles.

"You see those smiles on the kids' faces? That is what money cannot buy."-- Dad

Little Kid at Heart

2008-10-19T19:23:00.001+08:00

My parents are leaving for China in about ten hours and I cannot still embrace the idea that they will be gone for five days. Five whole days without the folks' presence can be a privilege to some but for me, I would have to say that it is something that tears me apart. Apparently, I am quite attached to them, specially to my Mom, that I cannot bear the idea that I would not see them for almost a week. Quite a challenge, I suppose.

As a kid, I was not really used to having my parents away from home for quite a while. I got used to seeing my Mom, most often than not, with me around the house and my dad, well, he goes home before supper and we would all have a happy, family dinner at about 7 in the evening. (This was usually accompanied by conversations recounting how each one's day went. If I had ample time to spare, Mom and I would talk about anything we could think of-- such reduces the amount of pressure I feel when I am trapped with a handful of demands from school.) Before I sleep, I would go to their bedroom and give them each my goodnight kiss and ILY's. Sometimes, I would even catch them tucking me in at night. Ha! So much of a kid I am, eh? Well, it's not that I ask to be tucked in at night by my Mom but then again, it's not against my will either. Perhaps, my Mom still thinks I'm her little girl-- at least, when I'm asleep in the middle of the night. My dad, on the other hand, gives us little pecks and sweetly says, "goodnight." I never actually thought my Dad could break the walls of his stern being and strict ways. Alas, I have been proved otherwise. Indeed, behind his serious aura is a really tender-hearted man and affectionate father-- and for that, I am proud to be his daughter.

My parents are not OFW's and they seldom leave us behind, unless it's a really urgent matter. Most of the time, if budget allows it, we get to tag along their trips. But as for this case, the trip to China concerns only the folks and, unfortunately, us, kids, have to stay behind and take the gruesome Quarterly Tests. Ha, talk about terror! But on the contrary, I guess I will be preoccupied studying and burning the midnight oil-- HOPEFULLY!! It will surely be a good time to get my mind busy instead being overwhelmed by their temporary absence. With all being well, I still cannot say that I wouldn't miss them because, somehow, sometime, I will long for their goodnight kisses and comforting embrace, which I am completely robbed off for these coming five days.

DAY 2

2008-09-30T17:59:00.000+08:00

I think you know how irritating the feeling is once you know that you've lost something that belongs to you. Knowing that you freely gave the person the chance to borrow it and that it did not come back to you anymore makes it a whole lot worse. I'm just waiting for the ground to open up and swallow me and for gravity to drag me down under because I could not help but get teary-eyed having been knowledgeable that my Staedtler pens-- oh, those precious pens!!-- are nowhere in sight. No, it's not that I want to cry over those pens. Rather, I am severely pissed-off by the fact that I took care of it for the past (almost) five months, only to realize that it will be misplaced by someone else. Oooh, this is what I loathe about letting people borrow my things. As for now, I think I have bothered too many acquaintances with my problem-- I know it's quite shallow but I do not care. Having some thing missing wraps me in a feeling of inadequacy. And I'm sure you know how overwhelming such can be.

Unfortunately, as some may call it shallow, I'd opt to call it, by preference, disturbing. I can't help but think where the hell it is and what the heck happened to it. AND OF COURSE, Why, by all means, did I allow someone to borrow the whoooooole set. Ha! I could not even focus on my Algebra test earlier because I was too much bothered by it being lost.

Oh God, it's DAY 2 of my investigation and nothing good is coming out of it. @$@#%& AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'm hating this.

Scream Woah

2008-09-29T19:08:00.000+08:00

Hail, Hail! Finally, I have reached the pinnacle of my Chemistry grades. Alas, I proved to myself that though Science is not really my thing-- or Chemistry for that matter-- I can still excel in it. Oh, how I wish it would be the same for both Filipino and Geometry. But for now, I am very much satisfied with the perfect score and it definitely made my day.

Well, Mondays are hell, as usual. I get so groggy every Monday, knowing that it is the one which puts a halt to my lazy yet relaxing (hopefully!) weekends. And mind you, two days of no school is not enough. If only people in the Department of Education could extend our weekend until Mondays, I am quite sure it will really be helpful-- students will have ample time to rest; plus, they would not easily get tired of going to school, I suppose.

Things would have flowed on smoothly had I not slept (just a BIT) during CLE class. Mind you, I was fighting 'til the very last ounce of energy to hold back those eyelids (which cried quite a puddle last night) but it was no use. I had to give in to such a feeling if I wanted to focus on the other classes later on. It was a one-minute rest at most but it was well worth it. However, this was not the mere matter which took over my immense feeling of contentment. Instead, it was the fact that my whole set of Staedtlers are lost and god knows where it is at the moment. Oh, it pains me to have my things lost-- and a whole set of quite expensive pens for that matter. I cannot embrace the idea that the 600++ bucks my sister paid for it was put to waste within a time duration of merely five months. Well, the facts that hurt the most are: 1) The person who borrowed it said she returned it; and 2) I cannot seem to tell whether she did return it because I cannot seem to find it-- in my bag and anywhere at home. Ha, this is what I despise about having my things borrowed. The moment I lend it, it swings unto a 50/50 vine-- whether it gets returned or not. Another thing, I cannot seem to keep track of who borrowed my things and whether or not she returned it. As for that, I cannot particularly blame anyone for any case involving misplacement. Oh, whatever! I just hope (and PRAY) that, by some sort of miracle, my whole set of Staedtlers will be given back to me soon.. REAL SOON! And whoever took it, you know the drill.

Well, this feeling is bothering me such that I could not really focus on reviewing for Algebra. But !@E$%#!!!! I just had to let it out. And, for the record, I feel sooo much better now.

Dreamy

2008-08-31T18:00:00.000+08:00

Weekends are supposedly for rest and relaxation, however piles of school works turned it upside-down. I cannot get over the fact of how wickedly designed school demands are and mind you, they tend to outweigh each other when it comes to exigency, when indeed they are just hours apart with each other's deadline.

My sleep has not been regular nor healthy, for that matter and my parents are quite concerned with it. I cannot help but dream about those lazy summer afternoon siestas I used to have. Well, okay, maybe I do get siestas in school, but they are not as good as my mid-afternoon naps on the comfy, blue couch in living room. Oh, and with all those throw pillows and fresh air breeze, that makes it the ultimate power nap!

Oh, I just miss how summer would allow me to dawdle and delay and I love the feeling that it gives off, not having to think about deadlines and tasks. On top of these, I appreciate how much time it was able to give to myself.

Yes, I miss summer but I believe that I definitely have to make the most of what is given me at the moment. You just never know when things may eventually feel like summer again-- oh how I wish!

Back Row Rants

2008-08-30T12:26:00.000+08:00

Ever since I moved to the farthest back row of the class, I have felt more vulnerability to talking, sleeping and doing some homeworks in advance. I knew it wasn't a good idea to place me there-- top such with the fact that one of my seatmates is a really good friend of mine. So talking is very much unavoidable. Being at the back row is more difficult than I expected it to be. Squinting of the eyes, just to read what is written on the other end of the room, is so common, specially when the teachers are not that considerate to put up their fonts to 40 or even more. Poor, strained eyes, I know. Then, there are also those (teachers) who possess gentle, soft voices which is not likable in behalf of all of us in the back row. Discussions only get appreciated when teachers walk along the aisle-- at least, there is, somehow, an equal distribution of her voice within the four corners of the classroom. With the soft voice, the tendency is for us not to listen. So, I easily get distracted and end up doing unnecessary things. Bad, I know, I just cannot help it. And yes, I even sleep. God forbid, I sleep even in the classes I used to like. Ha, too much for that! Another major shortcomming of being at the back is the lack of electric fans. With the weather being like summer again, it really gets uncomfortable back there. Sweating is so not cool. And, it drains up your energy and makes you feel definitely uneasy. It tends to distract you so much that you eventually just mentally disappear into some dreamy fantasy land.

On the contrary, what's good about being in the farthest row is that you do not get noticed too much. This gives me a little more confidence in doing advance (TAKE NOTE: advance!) homeworks and later on, grants me more time to dilly-dally and sleep at home. Can you spell lovely?! Then, you can also talk with your seatmates without your attention being called (hopefully). Since you can't hear the teacher, more or less, she can't hear you back as well.

But being at the back is not all that bad. I taught me to loosen up and keep my cool. It made me appreciate time more and gave me a whole lot of realizations. It brought me to understand that I do not necessarily have to be SO rigid with myself in all aspects concerning school. And you know what, although this is quite a bit to hard to say, since I was placed back there, I felt I enjoyed school much more. I cannot further explain it, but trust me, you'll get this feeling too when you have the chance to get placed all the way back there.

Big Bold Four

2008-07-24T17:31:00.001+08:00

Thursdays have been my favorite day of the week (aside from Friday) because the dismissal is quite earlier than any other day. Even though the subjects are not that appealing, the fact that we are dismissed 45mins earlier never fails to lighten up my mood no matter how burdened I seemed-- well, that was how it used to be, until today.

For the whole week, I had been so preoccupied with schoolwork that I was literally drowning in a pool of requirements and felt suffocated at that. Frankly, my nightly sleeps were toppled over by massive waves of exams and quizzes which entail a whole lot of perseverance and patience in dealing with. What used to be a relaxing 8-hour sleep, slowly turned into 6 hours, down to 4, and then eventually, 3. Well, what can you say, school just loves robbing me of my precious sleep that I actually end up taking naps-- naps which are very uncomfortable and insufficient but, being exposed to such circumstances, taking naps would be better than having no sleep at all. And, as evidence, I have an army of pimples which just seem to multiply. Euw, I know.

Whoever would say that third year was tolerable and quite smooth sailing would instantly get my praise-- I assure you that. Hands down to him/her! If you ask me, I have not experienced this much pressure, tension and stress building up all on me simultaneously. Last year, you can still get away with cramming but this year, cramming would get you somewhere else-- a place where, trust me, you would not want to be.

Time is just as precious as my dear old life. Every day, every class, every hour, every minute, down to the very second-- no, make that, down to the very millisecond-- ought not to be wasted. Taking down notes is a must and doing those unfinished homeworks during classes is a big no-no, not unless you are willing to sacrifice that sheer lecture the teacher is giving which will actually be part of next meeting's quiz. Ha, beware!

Just today, I had encountered one of the most challenging and unpleasant days of my highschool life. To start off, I garnered this not-so-satisfying grade in English and it's somehow all because of the sequencing portion. It was in an all or nothing system in which the lucky ones would get the dear 4 points and the rest will fuss over a nil. Unfortunately, I fell on the latter, even if I just interchanged two numbers. Of course, I was very much disappointed because my hopes of getting a, well, good grade could be cut off. Those four points were so valuable and I cannot manage to lose them. Deep inside, I was actually hoping for some miracle that can bring to me that big, bold four. YES, I know that I had studied well-- I even woke up at such an ungodly hour of 2 in the morning and I took English until it was time for breakfast. YES AGAIN, that was how desperate I was to get a passing mark. And, knowing that I had not performed "well" makes me feel so bad that it was pretty hard to keep my spirits up such that taking the Chemistry quiz became a very huge challenge on my part. My focus and attention were veered elsewhere and no matter how I try to condition myself, it just would not budge. I felt that I completely lost myself. (Had it not been for that ace in History, I would could have suffered from sheer depression.)

On top of these, my mind WAS factually going crazy. There meetings I had to go to, things I had to attend to and I was so absorbed by such demands that I really felt pressure building up with me as some sort of foundation.

Yes, this day was indeed crazy. But I am glad that it is over. Tomorrow establishes a new starting point and marks another page of my third-year life. Hopefully, it would be better and with any luck, I yearn to see those big bold fours making their way on my English test paper-- well, you never know.

And, Alas! So much for a bad day.

Fix Me

2008-06-28T09:29:00.002+08:00

God, please help me blog. Seriously, I am having a hard time. I am such a frustrated writer. Please bring back my enthusiasm and love for writing. Amen.

Out of the Page

2008-06-14T20:34:00.000+08:00

I have yet to adjust to waking up early in the morning; dragging my groggy self from bed and walk heavily towards the shower; eat a quick breakfast meal; pamper myself a bit; then wait patiently for that green van to bring me and my sisters to school.

Ah, the thought of school (again) depresses me. As much as I want to push it away so as not to blog much about it, I simply can't because, let's face it, that's what I'll be stuck with for such a long duration of ten months. Ten torture months for me to endure and enjoy. Ha, let's see how it turns out. I can't wait.

Our first week has officially swooped itself off the calendar. Three days of orientation was frankly a bit uninteresting but of course, it is part of the school routine. A day was alloted for us to meet our subject teachers and I guess this was the only interesting part of the whole first week. But the downside of it was a page full of things to do and homeworks despite the fact that we have not yet officially started class discussions. Mind you, it was as if we had been going to school for a month or so. Well, I guess, consideration is not part of the scheme.

Perhaps, I was just carried away too much by the lazy, unproductive summer that I had this year. Though it was quite an idle time, I still had the opportunity to give myself some R&R-- of which I know I will be greatly deprived of in the coming days.

So, hello dark under eye circles and sleepless nights.
The pressure is definitely on.

First

2008-06-10T17:37:00.001+08:00

My lazy days are over so are my mid-afternoon naps. Stress and pressure are first in line while having a decent sleep is way, way down my schedule this time. You got that right! School is definitely back.. and with a loud bang at that!

As I woke up, I was ecstatic and at the same time quite unprepared. But who cares, it was the first day anyway and first days aren't that serious yet. Mind you, most of the time, my mouth did the work and as expected, teachers were kind enough to let it pass for the meantime. Perhaps, they also had their share of first-day-of-the-schoolyear experiences which is actually one of the most anticipated events of the year-- time to spill those kilig moments to friends as well as one's summer encounter. And, as much as I wanted to get more sleep, I didn't want to pass up the opportunity of that FIRST DAY because, duh, it's the first-- and nothing beats the feeling of such.

Moving on, I've had a pretty good first day but it wasn't much of what I expected. Possibly, the scorching heat of the sun, which made me uncomfortable and a bit pissed (hehe!), was partly to blame. And to think that 47 students were crammed inside one classroom, I felt like wanting to wear that summer bikini again. Well, of course, that last one's quite half-meant. I did not really have the opportunity to go to some nice beach this time due to activities I got myself tied up with-- which rather upset my family. Likewise, it was just so hot that I literally wanted to tear my uniform apart. I know that requesting aircons wouldn't work since we should be "environment-friendly." But maybe additional electric fans wouldn't hurt.

Well, school was the same. The armchairs impressed me much because they were.. *drumroll* varnished, finally. From afar, they look real clean and once you get near it, they're pretty shiny. Ha, amazing! (WTH?!) Teachers, well, I think we still lack them. I mean, by the look of it, our teachers are few while the gradeschool students seem to have an abundant supply of them. On the contrary, I am retained in my section and I am adequately satisfied.

I am in third year now and I guess a lot have changed and I believe, a whole lot more will or shall change. I am rather enthusiastic to start this schoolyear but anxiety hangs on the tip for I am not certain of how things will go. Hopefully, I get to enjoy it by shunning away strands of temptations and my bad habbit of procrastinating which eventually leads to cramming and finally, a mediocre grade. Ha, quite a chain of heavy desires but I wish to get past these and pave my way through a good schoolyear experience.

Welcome to the new schoolyear.
Thus, reality begins.

Blessed Wishes

2008-05-03T11:25:00.000+08:00

I do not remember the last time I felt this good. And I mean it: I feel so DAMN good. You know how one day you desperately and eagerly beg the Almighty for a long list of your selfish desires-- well, okay.. not THAT selfish but you know, some things you really really want-- and at times you feel that there's no hope of such being answered so you wish for something else. And then, the next day, unexpectedly, you get your wish.. just like a package being delivered to your doorstep. And the good thing about it is that they get delivered simultaneously. As soon as one happens, the next thing comes popping right up. And eventually, you then realize that your wishes came true thereby proving that, yea, prayers are always answered at the right time.

If you don't get what I mean, try rereading it all over again.

Now, I am a different happy person. It's like I was pulled out of my comfort zone and people get to see me smile often. I can sing in the shower as loud as I used to. I don't feel bitter when I reminisce about the past. And the past, even though it is history, tries to replay itself back again. Yes, with the same people, but headed on a different type of journey.

Too Much For Being Prepared

2008-05-01T12:03:00.000+08:00

Just when I got full control of how my summer will be, it just blew up right in front of me. And mind you, it was a disrespectful attempt to massacre my plans. How unfortunate am I.. just when I had everything in place, every schedule tracked down, it blew up just like thaaaat: BAM!

I cannot really accept the fact that I will be confined within the walls of our house once again and desperately try to contain myself as I lament on my very frail, luckless situation every single summer day. Dull, if you want me to be precise. The sprain, which incidentally I had just after a couple of days of telling mum that I was privileged enough for not yet having experienced such a painful circumstance, will put me to rest for about a month's time. And yes, such a long duration would definitely draw me to at least the lowest possible attack of a dysfunctional brain. I am dead.

But heck, I would not let this feeling topple me over. I will wrestle it until my ankle gets swollen to the size a fist. That's how desperate I am to discover some easy way out of my hapless condition. Of course, I wouldn't want to die out of boredom. So now, my bestfriends are the ankle support my Dad gave, Bengay, a box of Salonpas and our maid who volunteered to massage my sprained ankle.

I do not know for how long this thing will last but I wish I can get over it soon because aside from the fact that it is painful, I also have a hard time walking properly (and it's quite funny watching me walk, trust me!!) and a swollen foot is such an awful site.

Absence

2008-04-18T05:01:00.000+08:00

Ah, more than a month has passed since I have last posted here. No, I do not have other blog accounts but yes, I may have taken a breather somehow. I haven't been eager to write lately and neither have I captured the rhythm and energy of feeling good while blogging. In fact, I have had a pretty hard time putting all ideas together into one amazing composition. Truth be told, my writing career (if I even have one) has dimmed and closed its doors once again and so I will have to find new ways to shed some light into my remaining interest in writing.

I just haven't been myself lately, if that's what you were waiting for me to say.

But no, I was actually being myself.. perhaps, there were just some changes brought about by the coming of summer.

On my part, my absence has provided me some time to recapture the silence within as well as to explore more of what this world offers and expects of me. Tearing down the boarders of limitations has opened up quite a number of opportunities and helped me garner some sense of alteration in my concurrent, sedate lifestyle. And for this case, I am grateful for that breather because I have devoted my time to more plausible causes rather than being caught up in the midst of our country's disturbing situation (which is a lamentable position to be in).

And finally, once again, I shall welcome myself to this blog world after quite a long break.

Mismatched Puzzle Pieces

2008-02-29T11:05:00.000+08:00

So, we are yet stuck in another phase of our twisted politics. However, this time, it seems to have been much more of a nationwide concern. A lot of people voice out their own opinions on what they direly want to see: a change. Yet, this change which they refer to would considerably include another people power. It is quite a sad reality as to how we, the citizens, tend to cling so much to "people powers" thinking that it is a means to eradicate the complications surrounding our government. When things get a little bit too out of hand, we push through with those violent rallies-- with people screaming their lungs out for an opposing position. Perhaps sometimes, we do not just realize that maybe there are still other ways on how we may deal with such circumstances. Actually, having an additional episode of the popular Edsa series, for me, is such a shame. Think about it, whenever we do not like a certain leader, we push ourselves to host people powers in order to drive them away. Afterwards, we just come into the conclusion that the replacement was somehow just a mimic of the ruthless president-- or even a worse version, at that.

Now, do not get me wrong here. By all means, with all that is circulating around the rampant corruption of our government, I am not on their side. I have seen the visible inconsistencies of such officials as they state their own account regarding the eminent NBN-ZTE deal. Yes, it has garnered the spotlight for the longest time possible. And, it has tapped once again the anti-GMA's to hold various protests in accordance to their command that she resign. I for one do not call GMA to resign but to state the truth. Her side has not yet been cleared because as to how I see it she is quite tangled up in her own set of lies. There are visible discrepancies and if you have been reading/hearing the news lately, you could have caught her in her sunken in her, if I may say, mendacity.

Once you have been caught fooling the people, trust is hard to regain. That pretty much explains why many people are resentful about GMA continuing her reign. I do not blame the people if they react to this scandalous issue by means of rallies. Afterall, we were made to believe that GMA won against FPJ by at least a million (added) votes. And for this proven fact, I, for one, have lost a great amount of trust on our own president. She had fooled us, but she is just fooling her self even more.

This is a sad, heavy reality that Filipinos all over the world have to bear with. We all share this big bag of burden on our backs and we just cannot get rid of it easily. We have to walk with it everyday, hoping that the truth will come out to spare us from this suffering.

One day, I pray that the truth will come out. Our president must find a way to blurt what is right because it is not just about protecting her own identity as a country leader.. rather it is about cleaning up the mess our country is currently trying to fix. This would enable us to patch things up, filling up the pieces of the puzzle which, as of now, is in disarray. As citizens, I believe it is our duty be informed of what is true; to know the real side of the various mismatched accounts presented.

As for me, the existing complications brought about by clashing versions regarding the NBN-ZTE deal stretched me far off on both sides. Yet, no matter how disappointed I was, I am still here standing..hoping that one day I may hear the truth.. and that the truth will all set us free.

Speaking Up

2008-02-09T10:44:00.000+08:00

It is love month once again but it just damn sounds as plain to me as some useless old crap. Fine, it is February but what's the big deal? I am loveless anyway and I don't have time to spend much interest on such a diminutive event. Maybe, this will evolve into something much awaited once I get to give myself the chance to love and be loved by a special someone. But, love month does not just limit itself to loving someone else. Mine, for now, is a different approach.. it's love month for myself. Literally.

A fabulous February to everyone.

Since I Learned How

2008-01-23T12:17:00.000+08:00

For weeks, I have had this certain feeling of confusion wherein 99% of my system wants to blog about something but the 1% is screaming back that it does not know where and how to start. It merely frustrates me how lost I seem to be in the world of writing. It was as if, one day I was at the peak of enthusiasm and ideas just keep drowning me that I have got more than the topics I need to write about the day. Yet now, here I am, my mind totally empty-- as if my pate has just been robbed of its writing capabilities. I do not know where to start and I hardly have any ideas on what to compose. I attempted to seek that passion in writing but ever since I took a few days' break from this cyberworld, it turned back on me by taking away my passion for writing. But as luck would have it, I am here, persevering.. trying my best to regain that certain amount of enthusiasm.. I just wish I can put them all back together.

Today is not the right time though. My mind is blank and I cannot seem to process anything at the moment. Forgive me. But I will be back as soon as I get through with this writing depression, if that's how it's called.

Troubleshoot them Firecrackers

2008-01-04T06:35:00.000+08:00

My New Year was a tad laid-back. We did not have our set of fireworks to join the racket of explosions nor did we colorfully light up the grayish-black metro sky. Instead, we were at home. Mom and Dad watching a series of Boston Legal. Us girls waited for new year. However cautious that we wouldn't let smoke get inside our rooms, we had our windows all locked up. So, as soon as people lighted their first set of fireworks, I together with Lexi dashed our way to the terrace hoping that from there we'd see those beautiful, bright, exploding objects. And fortunately, we had a pretty good spot. Under plastic roofing to shield ourselves (just in case... you never really know), we both watched in awe, holding firmly with our heads between the fence, just like some desperate kids would do. Despite the uneasy position we got ourselves into, it was good enough to see those fireworks while making our own countdown to year `08.

On the contrary, it would have been lovely if I had the chance to spend New Year in silence. Long ago has it been that I was able to spend some time for myself or some time with my family with a noiseless atmosphere. It would have been an enchanting experience if I also had the chance to spend it with Him-- thanking him for the wonderful and successful year and asking for guidance for this new journey. It would have been a rocking experience too, if maybe I made a new year countdown with Him and only Him.

A happy new year to you all!

Christmas Season

2007-12-27T08:19:00.000+08:00

We are lucky because we live in a country that celebrates Christmas annually. I know some places around the world who do not commemorate such a celebration as we do. Perhaps, it is due to religion disparities or people are not just mindful of how Christmas actually came about.

Truth be told, I have been feeling less of the Christmas spirit as years go by. Before, I was desperately waiting for the 25th that I'd actually count the days to go before its coming. By the 24th I am as restless as an American little boy eager to see Santa. (As a kid though, I did not believe in Santa.. never had been exposed to his legend, even.) By midnight, I have to wait anxiously for my Mom to get the camera and househelps taking pictures as I unwrap my gifts sheathed in colorful, glossy packages. Then, I'd jump around our living room as I managed to realize that my parents gave me the toy I had been longing for.

However, as I seem to get older, the more it's hard for me to grasp that Christmas spirit. I do not exactly know the factors that trigger it's disappearance nor do I know how to revive it back. But some times, I get the notion that it's a cycle. There are times wherein you get all excited, jumpy and ecstatic as there times wherein you'd be as bland as salad without dressing.

This Christmas, it was not like how it used to be. For Christmas eve, we had Noche Buena with my Father's relatives and spent the evening just eating our heart out with the sumptuous meals prepared by each household. For Christmas day itself, we travelled to Las Piñas, as we normally would during such an occasion. We ate, chatted, and had the normal gift giving.

Though it wasn't a Christmas blast like my previous childhood experiences, I was grateful enough that I had my family all by my side during the whole time. I believe their presence and the fact that we are still a complete family could help, one day, bring back that elated feeling during the Christmas season.

Kitchen 911

2007-12-24T08:07:00.000+08:00

A day before Christmas and I did something that extends beyond my regular December 24's. Unlike the previous Christmas eve's wherein I'd waste my time watching movies and sleeping, this time I hit the kitchen. My Mom used to forbid me to enter when she is "at work" in our newly renovated kitchen-- of which she claims, "my corner." Her corner served her craving for cooking, baking and by all means, satisfied her when she just wants to make her favorites: oatmeal cookies. Trust me, she makes dozens of them when she's happy and in the mood. However, this time, I guess she considered me mature enough to enter her corner, mature enough to help her through every bit of her planned meals for this evening's traditional Noche Buena with her in-laws. So, in I went and armed I was, my hair tied up and I was every bit neat, I entered her corner and she handed me a bowl of fruit cocktail with additional peaches and grapes of which I still had to slice. Carefully, I sliced each, trying to make them look equal in size. Then, I beat the cream with a dash of confectioner's sugar. Soon, it was off to the refridgerator to chill. For a break, I took hold of yesterday's newspaper, however, she spotted me almost immediately that the next thing I knew, I was slicing boiled chicken into bits mixing it in her favorite mixing bowl with mayonnaise, celery, salt, red onion and her secret ingredient, Karo (Pancake) syrup. Once finished, I was assigned another task. I had to marinate her chicken wings and distribute them equally into two bowls. It took a while for me to take hold of the uncooked chicken but since I was dirty and messy, I decided to dig in and go for it. Afterall, it's all soft and gooey-- just like holding slimey green toys that my sister used to bring home.

As it was all done, we topped the noon of cooking with Chicken Mayo Sandwiches with Wheat Bread and served with a glass of Sparkling White Grape Juice. It was a sweaty-tiring half-day of cooking but I can say it was all worth it. Well, Mom still has her Paella in the oven, I hope she gets it out just in time.

Time

2007-11-16T12:54:00.000+08:00

And then again, here I am blogging after I rant to my mom, my teachers, my sisters that I do not have time for myself. How amazing isn't it? Time comes, but I let it slip through my fingers like thousands of fine sand. And then, I come to take hold of another batch and once again, letting it slip through my clumsy fingers. Sometimes, there are things that develop into habits and tend to enrich even more as you try to shrug them away. How miraculously stupid.

Well, if you come to think of it, most of our regrets deal with time and most of our problems do not miss the interruptions of Mr Time Management. Even as early as highschool, you get an embittered taste of what it's actually like not having control over most things-- and, the fact that you do not get to stick your hands into the world clock desperately trying to push its hands backward even just for a year, a month, or a couple of days. Then again, maybe "past" would not have been a native excuse if it weren't for the "time is precious and you can't turn time back" thing.

When you come right down to it, time can actually be senseless yet simultaneously sensible. The mere method by which people come to spend their time is what matters in the end. However, most certainly, we come to points wherein we unnoticingly draw ourselves back from what really is behind the value of time-- memories, bitter truth, healthy realizations, and regret. Often, people fall into either the former or the latter and unfortunately, maybe I am destined to be falling under a strong foundation of regret.

Just today, I finally am able to breathe freely once again. Amidst the bothering thoughts and a couple of problems, I was able to feel a lump of burden lightened as I manage to rapidly glance over my second quarter report card. Contentment filled my inner system as I was able to bring out the idea that they were all fair scores. BUT, maybe, it could have been better if I put my efforts into schoolwork. Maybe, if my eyelids were strong enough to hold itself back and my thoughts weren't easily disturbed, I could have focused on a deeper level and perhaps, achieve something more rewarding. And maybe, if I didn't rant about lack of time or simply put, if I didn't waste precious golden time, I could have done a better job.

But for now, I guess that's all I made out of time and yes, I hear its lullaby calling me to bed. Soon she'll wake me up at the ungodly hour of five in the morning-- a little past the time the cock crows; and minutes away from seeing the glaring sun and the Nirvana-like rays above the smog-gy Manila horizon. At least, even just a bit, there is a signal of new hope-- as time wasted waves to me goodbye, and time-to-come tag me along its journey once again. I hope it will be a better one this time.

The ManGirl

2007-11-15T10:20:00.000+08:00

If you know me, I am not much of an affectionate person nor am I, even at the narrowest possibility, emotional. I merely pour out my feelings and I'd rather that I keep the pains, the joys; the sufferings and the accomplishments all to myself. And, surprisingly, I got used to it that way. Sometimes, I even think that I was ought to be born a boy because I share more emotional characteristics and physical interests with the opposite sex. Maybe, I was born a girl because God felt pity over my mother whose ultimate desire was to give birth to a baby girl. And much console over her prayers, I was born-- a girl with manly emotional characteristics.

But unlike those macho guys, I have my own limits as well. This gives me a good sign that I am perhaps smack at the thin line of boy-girl classification. I break down when I get burdened, troubled and worried; when I feel as if the whole world just threw its weight on me, thinking that I am some vast galaxy called Milky Way; when I realize that the deadline of some freaking project is hours away; when i knew I could have done better if.. blahblahblah. Some things just ought to drag me down and burry me under a huge stack of worrisome ideas. Negativity usual takes over. And voila, I see myself helplessly trying to move away from the stacks of burdens, just to gasp for refreshing air.

Realizations are something that do not come at the moment you want it to-- and that's a bitter fact we all have to embrace. If what I'm stating is not true, then the maybe Filipino saying that goes, "Nasa huli ang pagsisisi" would not have been born. Maybe, life has something to share to us of its rewards.

For a countless times, I have opted to strive to work harder; trash my old, bad habits and start anew. But things just go the way you not expect it to and even at the peak of excitement (for a new beginning-- a new you) *bang!* goes the huge explosion of some desirable temptation-- something you will have second thoughts of putting down.

The thought of unraveling the tangled up mangirl characteristics within me seem as vague and preposterous as hearing myself speak Mordvin infront of you. But infairness to the small degree of what's left of the "girl" feature, I think I had better grow into a more mature young lady. Yet, the thought of growing up with my father's characteristics seem to overwhelm me, making me feel that even though I am already beaten up, I can still stand firmly just like an old Narra Tree.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fiaar (Fire)

2007-10-26T10:32:00.000+08:00

How many times have I nagged myself out of the bundles of cob-web-CRAMming but initially get stuck all over it again? It's as if I constantly slide through some smooth pavement just marked "Wet Area" and have my buttocks and pants sweep it off to dry; however, I head straight off to some glass wall and have my empty pate bump onto it-- just realizing that it was glass and I'm just, well, some hard bone. Ouch. The constant "aide-memoire" of my knowledgeable parents do not pay off even a bit. I seem to forget all about my goals and aims whenever I am faced with delicious temptations of the clickable mouse and satisfying "tick-tick-tick" sound of the keyboard. Oh, and oh! The awesome view of my monitor. Frankly, they just seem to be so tempting-- it's as though their continuously batting eyelashes call, "Hey you, you need a piece of me." Their constant cries do not pay off during the recent days because I was 51% determined to study and pull up my dramatically slipping grades. Devoting my time to studies didn't seem me at all, specially when I found out that I spent 1pm to 10pm studying for that threatening Biology Quarterly Test. I made it a point to not fall behind what Ms de la Paz kept warning us days before-- that it will be very, very difficult. And much to my chicken-legged self-confidence on the fact that I can manage to slip through the narrow gates of the Quarterly Test, I burried myself in that thick Biology Book burning the midnight oil. I opted to study for both English and CLE but my eyelids were very much on the verge of shutting down-- my systems and organs cry out for a night of good rest even just for the remaining seven hours. Of course, I could not deny them because nothing will happen anyway if I try to push them any further.

My brain might have actually been filled up to its capacity-- maybe, I even exceeding in some ways. If I just had the brain of Einstein or at least Julienne (the smartest girl in our batch), maybe I will not have to worry and be burdened by passing the test nor by stuffing information in the very last minute. Sadly speaking, we all do not have equal brain capacity and maybe, just maybe, I am one not destined to be clever, wise.. maybe I was ought to excell in something else, say.. sports?

This quarter's tests were well off than ordinary. I barely had enough time to study which is very much unusual because I usually have surplus time for myself, that is to indulge myself with this satisfying modern-age technologies. Savvvy.

I do not know if I did well or if I did poorly, though I wish I fall on the former. I think I have to work things out seriously this time.. after all, it's just two more quarters down and I will be off again.

The Minute of Prayer

2007-10-22T03:02:00.000+08:00

Back to the fresh cut of current events talk for the past couple of days: Makati Blast killed 9 people and injured many.

I know it has captured numerous crowds and instilled to everyone a considerable amount of fear-- including me. What is ironic (and practically, what bothers me the most) is the fact that officials and Glorietta personel have been repeatedly saying, (not in the exact same way, but the same idea) not to worry about a thing because people in their mall are completely safe. Safe, eh? Are they trying to pound a certain statement of sarcasm? Are they specifically trying to hide their flaws? Or are they plainly trying to act stupidly towards the scenario? Tell me, are majority still capable of remaining calm and courageous after the disastrous event that just recently took place? I mean, consider all that has happened! Even though I was not there, the almost whole day feature of the tragedy on flash reports (on tv), which include interviews from the primary sources drew a vivid picture of what really happened and how catastrophic it seemed. The nightmare had just been transformed into a reality. I, myself, was left in shock moments after realizing that it was indeed true.

Frankly saying, I was expecting more than nine people to die, bearing in mind that Glorietta is one of the crowded malls in the metro. But thankfully, it wasn't as evilishly suicidal as I expected. More so, almost a hundred people suffered injuries from the said incident. God forbid that death tolls would rise. I hope that it will halt in just a flat nine.

This is what troubles me the most about our country. Everyone of us, citizens, know that we are a poor country but what are we actually doing? We are hammering down our economy thinking less about the good things we could have done if we managed to obliterate our selfish acts. Now what do we want the other countries to think of us? What do want the future generation to experience? Do we want to be inagurated as the INCONSIDERATE FILIPINOS of the 21st Century? How absurd is our level of thinking? We have been offered good education but what do we do about it? Are we wrongly brought up learning how to be ungrateful about our blessings? And yes, what about our religion? As to the fact that majority of us are Catholics, why does it seem as if we do not even have our God? Why do we just turn to him in times of need?

Having been able to witness such a shattering event left a mark in my total well-being. I do not just feel disappointed about what happened, but pitiful at the extent of how cruel people can be. I feel shameful about us, Filipinos, who do not know anything else but satisfying our self-seeking desires. Truthfully, we have grown into some uncontrollable region of 75% evil and 25% good. But I know, somewhere out there, despite our evil intensions, our selfish deeds, our inconsiderate thinking, and destructive ideas, there is still at least a pint of good efforts inserted in our deepest selves-- if only we give time for ourselves to figure them out, maybe it can grow into something magnificent.

As how the old saying goes, "past is past" but we should connote the wrong mindset that when we say past is past, there is nothing we can do. Think about it.. maybe there is some inner calling within each and everyone of us, all we need is a moment of silence and minute of prayer.

A Much-Awaited Hug

2007-10-19T12:10:00.000+08:00

Let's face it, I am not a very sociable person. If you are my schoolmate, you'd probably notice me alone through corridors either walking briskly, trying to catch my breath and run after my pulsating heartbeat or walking calmy which mostly happens when I do productive things the night before. I am not that dependent of my friends-- well, do regular "may you accompany me to the washroom" dialogues count? I mean, hello, we are girls-- in fact, it takes all guts within me to spill out even just a pinch of personal secrets. Now imagine, what more for problems. Initially, I try to open up bit by bit but some things hold me back, of which I cannot exactly pin-point at the moment. Perhaps, my self-confidence plays half the role for such a situation and can be partly blamed for my less emotional self.

Just recently, I attended a Kumon event at PICC and surprisingly, I met my closest bud in seventh grade. Of all the places, of all the gimmicks that backfired, it was here at some formal event that we actually got to see each other again for more than a year. Imagine how great the feeling was! Once I entered the lobby, I headed for registration and while on the way to the actual theatre, I saw a family moving closer and closer to mine, suddenly noticing that the faces looked "kind of" familiar. And with a swift slanting of the head, I saw my best bud walking towards our direction! I was enthralled-- at first, speechless. A hug was all I could give her after the long year of which we didn't get to grab the mere chance to see each other. The moment was great-- simply indescribable. It was at the moment that I realized how long it has been; how much I have missed her; and how long we might not see each other again.

Before the ceremony ended, we both had the chance to use up ten to fifteen minutes of friendly talks: we talked about everything we could think about-- mostly school-life related. Even though it wasn't enough for the lengthy updates we owe to each other, the time spent was actually as valuable as the first time I considered her my friend.

I never thought that you could actually miss someone this much. I never realized how amazing time can bring back memories and similarly, how it can manipulate emotions within a person. Honestly, I was amazed. I was amazed at how exactly one can miss a person that all he/she can do is give a hug.. a hug so tight as if it would take forever to see each other again. Throughout all of these, I realized that pressure can be cooled down, problems simplified, memories replenished-- all simply wraped up in a warm, pleasurable embrace.

The Little (Outgrown) Playhouse

2007-09-29T09:48:00.000+08:00

This has been a long time burden for me. Going out of my contemporary ways and trying to expose myself to the real world hasn't been all that easy. The never-ending influence of family, peers and media have blocked my own desires and dream that one day I'd eventually manage to pull myself out from the little, out-grown playhouse.

If you know me well, I can be quite a bold person with a pretty loud mouth when it comes to sharing stories of all kinds, ranging from traumatic nightmares to even reckless child-like fantasies. But, this is just thirteen percent of my whole being. On the contrary, I am a deep person, sunken in some mysterious alley and trapped for until God-knows-when. This mysterious alley has been my home in which my self-confidence was pressed against thick brick walls and there I was, sitting alone, watching how the brick walls smashed my self-confidence to pieces and eventually, crushed my own dreams as well.

Believe me, I have gotten rid of quite a number of my ambitions just because I was afraid at how people would label me. I put first the idea of what people would think of me rather than what dream I want to achieve. I definitely would not want to be continuously chasing my dream's tails which move in an incessant circular motion. In other words, I want to be more than a dream chaser, I want to be a believer-- an achiever.

Of course, I cannot expect myself to score that well when it comes to these issues. For one, I have the lowest possible amount of self-confidence stored within me that I would have probably buried myself underground if not for the simple yet substantial comments my friends and fellow classmates give. So, in some points, I owe it to them that at the moment, I believe in myself somehow-- let's say I obtained confidence in the least possible amount, just yet.

However, my experiences were not as enticing as I would have wanted it to be. I am poor when it comes to experiences because truthfully, I have yet to prove to myself my worth, my substantial degree, how much I can get out of my system and affect a change. A lot has been bothering me: A lot.

Complications haven't been that distant-- they are not even as far-flung as the store next block. No matter what road I seem to take, it just can't get away-- and again, just one of those "unwanted unlimited subscriptions."

Self-confidence has probably bothered me but I know I am not the only one affected by it this much. I know there are other insecure people seemingly hiding their identies, sharing the fear of critcism and rejection. But hey, so what if people think you suck? So what if people think you are not good enough? And so what if someone out there is greater-- way greater-- than you? Maybe, it's just a matter of pushing yourself to extremes provided that you give yourself the chance to boost up that inner system-- currently hiding under thick sheets of anxiety.

Well, I am looking forward to the day that I finally would feel good about myself; the day wherein I get to pull myself out of those underground holes; the day wherein I do not just go with the flow rather counter it (for some valid reason); the day wherein I'd feel proud about my current state now; and conclusively, a day wherein I get the strength to walk out the door of that little, outgrown playhouse, ready to face whatever wants to challenge me head-on.

The Art of Pressure

2007-09-19T10:53:00.000+08:00

Hm. Talk to me. I am made the foundation of pressure building blocks which have no sense of mercy by all means. I am squashed deep down and basically just sticking my hand out to reach the keyboard. Alas, I blog again.

Call me a school freak but I have given my attention to school and that is a valid reason for my absence. You see, if you devote time, time eats you all the way. The next thing you know is that you wake up at the break of dawn with the thick Biology book on your lap. Sheepishly deamening. Plus, no inspiration at all. Well, I was actually suppose to talk about how pissed off I was yesterday because I got home two hours after departure! Hmph. So much for that 2:20pm. But no, I'm not going to the details deep, deep down because I don't want to scoop something up from the past. I don't want replenish my experience because it will just sound and smell like a rotten red-brown tomato in a blender. Blech.

Meanwhile, I am constantly seeking possible topics for blogging because my interest had died out completely. Essays do not fascinate me anymore-- not like before wherein my heart was jumping with excitement because of the ultimate desire to read the published and featured article in Young Blood (PDI, Opinion Section). Newspapers are still my buddies but we're not tight anymore-- not as to how we used to be.

At the moment, I think my mind is preoccupied in thinking about the possible occurences in the book I am currently reading, "Hoot." It's not a ChickLit type of reading material nor is it something that I usually read. Good enough, it captivated my interest and instantly, I got hooked with it. Sad to say, due to pressure and demands of academics, I am tied in between neutral stage, having to decide whether reading a chapter of Asian History is better than reading a chapter from the literary piece. It sucks when you have to make a crucial choice. Of course then I'd have to settle for the former unless I'd want to feel regret of some sort in the end.

Contrary to all these issues revolving around me, I am proud of myself for having been able to control my appetite for internet. Hm. But then again, I will have to regain that potential in writing because, frankly, I think it slipped away when I was hitting textbooks.

Ms. Sleepy Head

2007-09-07T12:13:00.000+08:00

Who cares about my one week absence? Who cares about my un-planned hiatus? Well then, I am back anyway but sad to say, not in my usual inspired self.

You see, I've been reading Young Blood 2 which seems to be as boring as how they made use of recycled paper. (Note: Don't get me wrong here. I have nothing against recycled paper. In fact, I idolize publishers and other companies who make use of them. Meanwhile, I am at the peak of being a hard-core critic so bear with me as I go along with negativity in line with criticism. After all, it's not all the time that I do this.) If you ask me, there were only a handful-- if not mistaken, three essays-- which happen to catch my attention. I do not know if I should blame myself because of being too picky or too unappreciative. Or maybe, my intellectual capabilities and level of comprehension increased by a level making this certain compilation of essays too basic for my understanding. No! Definitely not. But somehow, I guess I'd go for the latter. Emphasizing my point: Perhaps, I have adjusted to the professionally written essays published in Young Blood 3. If you happen to read it, you will certainly agree with me that the substance of each of the included literary pieces were so incredible that they are much more proficient compared to those included in Young Blood 2. But either way, if you got an article published, it's a huge thing. I mean, *knock, knock* being published on both local newspaper and a book-- what more can an aspiring writerdream of?

But then again, here's the thing, I am not an aspiring writer. Maybe, I'd settle as a freelance writer-- I do not take writing seriously. It's just like my second-hand amusement. I get much more fascinated solving crazy algebraic equations. Can't help it, the girl loves math. Hehe.

Moving on. I have been sleeping early ever since last week. It may sound like something good because it's finally, "goodbye sleepless nights." But then again, it's the opposite for me. Instead of some obvious credits for keeping up with a healthy bedtime, I tend to feel so sleepy (much more sleepy!) when I'm already in school. Reality check: I can't hold back the truth that I even slept during Alay Kapwa while watching Mother Teresa's life on film. Ha, too much for all that 9:00 bedtime. Too bad that my eyelids are so uncontrollable that it reaches a point wherein my mind goes completely blank and I realize after a few moments that I missed some parts of the lecture. And yes, can you just imagine how many times I tried to hold back that certain degree of sleepiness while listening to what seemed like an endless talk yesterday during recollection?!?

Call me Ms. Sleepy Head but right now, I just cannot contain myself because my body seems to crave for some sleep. Aha! I think this is a pay-back of some sort-- my body is rebellious. It demands sleep. Hm. Maybe, I will spend long hours of sleep during the weekend just to make sure everything will be back to normal-- and I wont be that sleepy student anymore.

To Father, From Daughter

2007-08-30T11:37:00.000+08:00

Dear Dad

I know you are old but you would not admit it (but sure enough, the protruding lines on your forehead and white hair strands popping are a definite proof). Much has been said about our stagnant daughter-father relationship and I am not very open to you as much as you have not been that open to me. I am not jealous if the youngest lass in the family is your favorite and you do not have to admit that too, because it shows in various ways-- though, at times, it gets a bit too undone and unfair since you side with her in most of our "sister fights." Likewise, I may not be your ideal daughter just as much as you are not really my ideal father. Yet, as tough as we may both seem and the fact that I inherited your inaffectionate manners just makes a decent account that we are related by blood.

I remember the times when I was very young (about 3-4yrs. old) and you brought me wherever you race. I travelled with you together with Mom and probably cheered with you and shared happy moments once I see you up on the stage, standing proudly on that platform labeled with a bold number one. As the organizers handed you your trophy, I hear people cheer and I didn't know how many people idolize you despite the fact that your sport wasn't much of a hit back then.

I remember you teaching me my first tennis lessons and buying me my own racket at age 8. You were so delighted to hear my interest in the sport that you immediately got me a good coach. But then again, I remember the time wherein you weren't there during my main tournament. Under the scorching summer heat of about two in the afternoon, I was out in the open court playing my heart out and hoping to see your face amidst the crowd. I battled with a guy, about a couple of years older and an excellent player. Obviously, I lost and I cried. No, I did not cry because of the fact that I didn't emerge onto a higher level, but rather I cried because Mom told me you could not make it. You called me up, you talked to me, comforted me about my lost game but what I wanted to actually hear was a valid reason for why you weren't there to support me. When I arrived home, we had a petty fight. I cried all night just because I needed your presence during the game but of which you never showed up.

From then on, I realized that you were not the family-guy-affectionate-type of person. I would not doubt if you inherited this from Tatay but I hope you prove yourself good in a way or another. As I grew older, I parted with you and when Lexi came, this made a bigger gap in our relationship. But I do not blame her, she adds spice to our family.

I know how much grades matter to you that's why I try to please you with the line of 9's I get but you seem to not notice unless I get a perfect mark. I give you good grades during quizzes but unless it's a 10/10 or 20/20, you would not seem that happy to me. I know you believe in my own capacity but I think your expectations are sky-tower high. I cannot live on them because grades are not the basis for my future. I may be an excellent student this time but in the future, who knows. After all, grades just seem to do no good since they are digits very much inferior to values I can pick up daily and apply to life.

On the contrary, though you are not the "ideal" father in my mind, I think that you have done the best that you can. I am amazed at your ability to derive shortcuts as you used to help me with daily math assignments. You also could fix things mechanically, so there is no need to hire some technician or repairman unless it's a severe damage. To top it all off, you are the one who goes to the wet market every week, instead of Mom. Actually, I'd be happier if you'd do the grocery too and I promise that if you do so, I will be with you all the time.

I am, at times, thankful at how you spoil me. You shower me with gadgets whenever I meet your expectations right. But nonetheless, you are back to your strict self once I start the quarter or schoolyear all over again.

You taught me how to be simple in many ways. You taught me how to value the things I have. You taught me how important a single peso was. You taught me how dear a grain of rice is. You taught me the significance of education. You taught me to be independent.

Yes, you were strict but at a reasonable cost. I know how you would hate me going out with the opposite sex and remember how you'd call and text every now and then just to check if your eldest daughter is well and okay.

I know you are less expressive and you do not bring home the problems you encounter at work. Every night, during dinner, I see your tired eyes and very red face. Although you seldom confess that you have a headache, we all know.

Yes, you are not my ideal father and I may not be your ideal daughter. But do you mind why we are put together? I think it stands for a certain purpose: you complete me, and I complete you. We do not have the perfect model of a daughter-father relationship but I know we are slowly entering the process of getting to know each other again.

On this day special day, I wish that you will feel blessed around us. I pray that God will continue to protect you from harm and help you whenever problems come your way. I pray that you will be more expressive of how you feel and that you'd be open to us about your problems. Just remember that we will always be here for you, no matter what.

I love you. Happy Birthday. :)

Love lots,
Kara

P.S. I broke the printer so I think we need to buy a new one after all. Hehe.

Superhuman Powers

2007-08-26T09:25:00.000+08:00

Kids are incredibly amazed at how cartoon characters get themselves working with powers to aid them in times of need-- even if it is not a crucial situation they are still permitted to use them (at least most of them) with the smallest amount of liability bestowed upon their very backs. True enough, I carried on this childhood outright fantasy even at a ridiculous bold age of fifteen. To think that I am big enough to know that humans have only their own capabilities and talents to rely on, getting some dosage of wild childhood dreams recaptured once again and trapped in the bottle labeled, "unattained visions" gave me back my fragile, juvenile dreams I used to keep. As a kid, I cannot brush away the truth at how awe-stricken I was as I watched movies and read books with characters who possess such unbelievable superpowers. Relatively, I kept myself the question, which had no reasonable parallel answer to for quite a long while, but I do wish to give credit at this moment.

"If I were bestowed with superpowers, where will I use them?"

1. SELF-LOVE

It will be part of my duty to grant people the will to love themselves and in return, they have to put their utmost worries behind and try to live a life fulfilling their aspirations. Learning to love yourself is probably not the greatest love of all, but it is the seed from which everything roots out. Before you can fully love a person, you would have to be able to love yourself first.

2. ELIMINATE DIRTY POLITICIANS

I want to clear out all unnecessary lies imprinted upon the very obvious faces of politicians who, without feeling even an ounce of guilt, continue their wrongdoings without noticing the harm they are doing to the country-- we may be pulling down the ratio of dollar to peso but we are bit by bit being pulled down (even more) by the gravity of self-inflicted politian hands eager to grasp an incredible amount of money coming from no other but the citizens themselves. Taxes are now being paid but are lives getting any better?

3. SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT

Let's face it.. We are under some crucial environmental condition that is getting nastier by the minute. Bracing the reality about Global Warming is such a huge load. The truth is, I do not think everyone is well-informed about the situation, specially those living in remote areas. And to think that our lives and those of the future generations rely solely on the environment, human existence might actually come to an end in the most drastic way: drowning. The unpredictable weather and variation of weather conditions among areas with a relatively close span dictates the severity of the whole thing. Sad to say, even though there are quite a number aware about this situation, we still continue damaging the beauty Mother Nature holds at her finest.

4. ERADICATE WORLD HUNGER

People under the ruling of some poor local government (i.e. the Philippines) suffer a great extent because of their leaders wrong doings. The politicians live in a hefty palace-like grand mansion in contrary to the unprevileged living along the streets. How come politicians do not do concrete actions towards them? Are they simply turning a blind eye to reality in hoping that one day it would just eventually disappear with the magic wand of a wizard or fairy of some sort? Buzz! Wrong! Millions are likely sleeping with an empty stomach; some are even feeding on Rugby. You could see real skinny kids whose duty starts at daybreak, selling materials they have and at night, begging solely for money. My heart is pierced with this unexpected reality. Those in very remote areas are also not being given attention to, or in this case may be given some attention but very limited. Only a few percent of Filipinos eat three meals a day. And that is something unbearable that even my own self cannot process.

5. WORLD PEACE

Terror threats are everywhere. You go on a plane: possibility of hijack; You enter some store: there might be a bomb; You go somewhere: you might get kidnapped. I do not know how wrong these people think or whether they are even in their right mind. Take the recent happenings in Iraq for instance. Millions have fled their homes in search for some safe evacuation center, partly away from danger but still near the midst of it. Bombings everywhere. Killing people seem to have been some form of recreation. This is what people cannot explain about themselves. The conflicting cultures and religions can be blamed in behalf of all aspects bringing about the shaping of a dangerous environment. It is not a suprise anymore that Philippines is part of the terror threats. Just a few ship-days away, Mindanao, on the far south, has the most recent violent happenings, ranging from the actual killing of Abu Sayaff members and Marines; to being headed; and even, mutilated. Wherever does it state in the bible that killing is part of God's plan? And whever did the people get the notion that revenge is the key to solving a conflict? Yes, revenge provides satisfaction but it results to a mere unlimited chain of revenge. Lucky are the people who are spared from terror threats and death but unlucky are the people who think that violent events result to peace.

These, my friends, are the top five things I would grant once I am bestowed superpowers. I have also simple matters to wish for: good health, protection, excellent grades, a promising future and even, finding the one. But even so, I think I would need to grant myself open-mindedness specially to new happenings. And talking about new happenings, I have to prepare myself and brace the fact that Ms. Martinez is not our Statistics teacher anymore. Because of the lack of teachers within our school and a couple of teachers granted maternity leave, they had to renew schedules and unfortunately, we were the first section to be eliminated from Ms. Martinez's class. (Nonetheless, she is still our Algebra teacher.) I am not sure how I can cope up easily with this sudden change but I do hope to catch up with the replacement's style of teaching (There are rumors that the substitute is Ms. Opiniano). Otherwise, I would grant myself the opportunity to basically flunk-- this of which I'm not allowing myself to fall into. On the contrary, I think the coming of the new teacher would open up doors to new, exciting opportunities. However, tough as this may seem, I think I am ready for the challenge. So, bring it on!

Chapter Two

2007-08-24T10:37:00.000+08:00

I am in good condition and quarterly tests seem to have altered its way. After three consecutive days of first quarter assessment-- which actually felt like being locked up in a jail of silence, with momentary interruptions of having to attend to academic duties (i.e. studying)-- I finally can declare that I've crumpled up my first quarter crap, cut up all unnecessary links temptation and set my bookmark onto a new chapter of Sophomore Year: Second Quarter.

Time flies so fast that I felt tests swooping down our classroom aisle. The alloted duration of one hour for each test (maximum of three tests a day) seemed to have been just enough for the countless test items challenged onto us. Poor students. Imagine, we still have to check them afterwards. And, considering that Statistics was decided upon to be in a form of no-room-for-erasure test (literally), made it all the more build pressure. What I did was to basically answer in pencil first, then outlined it with pen after checking. Took up time-- a lot of time. And no, I will not make an incredibly lengthy restatement of how the test went because for one, it will just bore you all. I mean, spilling an entire bowl of first quarterly test experiences, who am I kidding? After all, it's not a bowl of sweets. It's something more, let's say a pack of black chocolates topped with tamarind. Yes, totally unattractive.

I have been much more devoted to spending the whole afternoon yesterday for studying since I had only two tests lined up: Filipino and Algebra. Call me crap/sucker/loser, but I definitely have a hard time taking Filipino tests. Even though it has been practically part of my entire schooling years, my ability in Filipino hasn't increase even by a half percent. Impossible? Let's just say.. it's the mere truth. See, it's the uncovered reality. And yes, I feel kind of eerie at the moment because if I continue decreasing (or in this case, remain in stagnation phase) my Filipino skills, I will have the hardest time coping up with college standards-- and that, I do not want to happen. I am a girl who have big dreams. Put me under the ambitious category, fine with me. Label me as someone bold, oh dear, I wish I am. But really, my skills are slowly depleting its supply and if I do not attend to it as soon as possible, I might be enjoying the rest of my summer with Filipino class remedials. Definitely not my type of vacation. Blame it on the beautifully stored Encarta (English) Dictonary programmed on this computer. Just look at how it amazes me by the mere fact that synonyms and meaning of some high-class vocabulary is just about a few typed-letters, plus a click, away. Now, I do not have to manually search a word in the dictionary (and condition myself to recite the alphabet silently in my head). But even so, this kind of "electrodictio" (my way of saying: electronic dictionary) captured my self-inflicted interest in learning lexitons and sucked up almost the whole of my willingness to learn some Filipino words-- in which, sad to say, increased 10ft in height (or was it just my skill that decreased 10ft in height?). Whichever happens so, I am a poor Filipino enthusiast with my alacrity blocked by some huge brick wall which relatively pushed my curiosity over the Western Side. For someone as grade concious as me, this is a big thing for I am leaning over to one end while the other is slowly sinking underground. I need some action.. and I need it soon.

But then, my commitment to hit the books was disrupted by a good, relaxing afternoon sleep. I gradually felt my eyes swooping down while reading Aralin 12 of Florante at Laura and soon enough, I found myself snuggling with some throw pillows in the Living Room. For about an hour, I was enjoying my peaceful sleep with humoungous raindrops drip-dropping-plip-plopping on our roof. And yes, that was a relaxing recreation-- it freed my mind and loosened up the tight ropes of pressure building up upon me as I was left with eight chapters to read.

No again. I will not talk about the tests. But yes, let me get you in some little secret: sugar overload. (I will leave you to find out about it. Unclear?? That's the point.)

As soon as the bell rang signaling the end of the last test, I was grateful enough and wanted to open up a bottle of champaigne and say cheers to everyone-- everyone who survived the tormenting tests. Likewise, it was made impossible by my illegal age, and for a school run by a nun, I don't think so. In other words, it was a big NO-NO. But heck, the joy of being freed from the captivity of evilish-ly designed tests was incomparable. Similarly, the bondage of late night studying was brushed off temporarily and finally, I can take a deep breath. Cheers to all of us.

The rate of time was unimaginable that it brought about the end of the first quarter. Sophomore year has three more chapters to go before I close the book and store it in memory lane-slash-shelf. Unbelievably, I think I have come to cope up with the adjustments and now that I've turned onto a whole new episode, I will keep myself the commitment of doing better and better as days go by. No promises made this time because promises are big, big words in reality and not being to fulfill them brings about depression. So, I might as well just work things out and in the end, you never know, I might have just satisfied myself with even the simplest accomplishments I achieved.

For now, cheers to all. And welcome to Chapter Two.

Try and Run

2007-08-21T11:30:00.000+08:00

..Okay, I will practically strip down my clothes and run around the house screaming, "All hail, I will FAIL."

...But then of course, I was just kidding. I would not do it literally nor metaphorically because it doesn't basically make sense at all. And yeah, with all the flabs and tabs I have, there is no way that I could wear a bikini-- nor strip my clothes off for that matter-- any time soon. I have got to lose some pounds, dearies and it is a serious matter this time.

Actually, it came to me like a loud thud equal to the slapping of my thick Prentice Hall (Low Price Edition) Biology book unto my face. Ouch! Nah, not Ouch! ... Ouuuuuuuuuch! Well, I would not dare emphasize it because it pierced me real hard but left me laughing my head off. Whew. Now I know, a lot of people think I'm gaining weight and my youngest sister even called me a hamburger for that matter. Geez. I might as well starve myself until I lose those seven pounds I gained throughout the fruitless summer. But then again, that's a joke. After all, I am a self-confessed food-a-holic so I am practically very far off being bulimic or anorexic but very near the edge of falling into the over-weight category (of which my Mom said I belong at the moment).

Well, okay. The whole idea about me losing weight sucks but believe me, it is the alarming issue at home equal to (probably) the news about Lindsay gone bad. But of course, I am not Lindsay nor anyone like her at any degree. I am just the fifteen-year old Sophomore kid, petite in height and cannot fit her fatty thighs in size 2 jeans. Truth is, 86% of fat go straight to my thighs, while the remaining 14% are narrowly distributed to my cheeks and two arms... and yeah, don't forget the bum. I got lots of improvement and working to do before I achieve my shape-y model dream figure. Okay, cut the crap. Maybe, I am not destined to be one but still, I have got to shed off some pounds. I am big-- I know. Period.

On the contrary, I hope my test scores would be as fat as my thighs.. Cheers to me, I will be cramming all week. (Well, maybe not much..) And cheers to everyone, let's study all night. (Okay, this kind of sucks..)

Chronicles of Sunday Itself: Useless Junk

2007-08-20T03:52:00.000+08:00

There is this constant whirring sound in my computer going on for days. It actually scared the hell of me because in reality, it might just explode any minute. Moments later, I'd be found blood stained and everything with the least of my organs flying freely in air. *Knock on wood* But then again, I am spared from my gory thoughts and thankfully, up to now, my computer is still well functioning and no sign of over-heating whatsoever. It's just the whirring sound stopping and going every now and then which I think is due to something inside the Central Processing Unit being tangled up. Talk about cleaning gadgets, I am too flunked at that. And no, I have no gutts to act like some Computer Techie because frankly, I might just get electrocuted along the way. Now that it still functioning as expected, I have no worries.

Well, today is just a regular-stay-at-home Sunday with nothing too grand at hand. My sister, after having begged my Mom kazillion times to have her hair cut and layered, had been granted her pleading to do so. As for my youngest sister, she is content having the GameBoy SP in her hands all day with variations of tapes to choose from-- SpongeBob, ScoobyDoo, FIFA 2006, Grand Theft Auto, to name afew. And for me, nothing really. I am content at how I waste my time in front of this computer doing zilch and probably contributing to the cause of Global Warming-- of which scares me to death because of the idea that we will all drown in some fifty, or less, years' time.

I begged my Mom that we check out the latest five-storey, Fully Booked outlet at the Fort. But much to my dismay, my begging was not enough because she (my Mom aka the Queen) is preoccupied with doing her exercise stunts, whining that she'd have to lose weight SOON. Ha! And now, considering that I am two pounds heavier than her, she decided to put me on some diet. Take note, she watches me like some murderer in jail, eager to escape lifetime captivity. Truth be told, I did gain weight over the summer and over the course of the two weekends of which I have to munch something all the time, if not I fall into the realm of some moody teenager. (And surely, you wouldn't want to see me that way!) So, as my Mom put it, I have to lose weight: SOON and NOW! It takes just self-discipline.. but thing is, I have poor self-discipline.

Looking on the brighter side, Egay has finally taken its leave along with the Monsoon Rains. I woke up with a partly sunny, partly gloomy weather today which made me want to curl up and wrap myself around thick sheets of blanket. The weather brushed away my eagerness and willingness last night to attend to my academic duties set for this day. Laziness I suppose but I'll get through it after lunch. Meanwhile, I spent an ample (okay fine, a LOT) of time last night to watch a couple of movies. Blades of Glory which was evilish-ly funny (though with a bit of sexual language content and some horrible gestures) managing to turn my usual bland persona upside down. Then, I tried to amuse myself with The Simpsons Movie because it seemed to have a caught a lot of the Y-Gen and some X-Gen but I simply dispise it. On my account, it was too shallow to be classified as comedy and too shallow to be appreciated and processed by myself. I had to admit, it wasn't my thing but it's good to know, that there were those who enjoyed it. Moving on, I had the chance to watch Evan Almighty which was the Great Noah of today's Generation-- a funny family film related to God and like my previous post, battling worldly desires.

If you ask me how I made up the most of my spare time this loooong weekend, most likely I caught up with things I wasn't able to do because of too many responsibilities to attend to in terms of school-related activities. Well, most likely, this week will be somehow hectic once again because of the rescheduled tests. (Pardon me for all delayed posts.)

Drunken Rainy Days

2007-08-19T03:42:00.000+08:00

Hail thee, hail thee, classes are suspended-- alas, we are saved from the fiery furnace of the killer QT week. Thank you, Egay. As always, storms have been my loyal friends amidst the destruction they bring to both people's property and lives. Basically, they save us from the evil realm of wicked schoolworks-- at least, to students who were driven crazy by school-related facets-- and are open enough to friendship vows made along the way. If I could hug Egay, I would but of course, I would be sucked up into a funnel and fly crazily like ingredients in a blender. A mere thank you is enough, I suppose.

Yet, I still feel a twinge of gratefulness because of the fact that supertyphoon Egay did not hit us right smack Manila. If so, we would have been trapped in the middle of destruction and once again, lives (thousands of them) could be wiped out in a flash. Not to mention, livelihood of people will be affected as well. If economy is now poor, the destruction could have dragged us all even deeper. A merciful act indeed.

But if you are some newspaper enthusiast (like me!!) there is definitely more to Egay being now 150 km northeast of the bordering north islands of the Philippines. True enough, massive raindrops and endless of them-- for about three consecutive days-- brought about severe water supply and flood to cities which obviously have very clogged canals. Now and then, the issue about clogged drainage or canals have not been, by any degree, trivial because they are urgent matters to be given immediate attention by the local government in equal participation of the people. Well, who could have thought that the issue was much much more severe? In reality, we give a damn in making our country's beauty flourish even more without actually trying to pull up all negativity which have been deeply sucked up by gravity-- thinking that they would all zap away once we get all good things straight. Buzz! Wrong. The more we delay these basic problems, the more they have the tendency to be grow into a fountain of teething troubles. Until, some time in the near future, we have nothing else to do but regret the mere ignorance we put on these "light" issues and wish that, in a way or another, we worked together to revive the city once again. But who could blame us? Right now, we are having good times with everyone and trying to put off our duties thinking that there will be some other good time to do it-- just not now. See, the basic concept of time management reflects even from the fundamental negligence of school work-- Uh-oh, I am prone to this. Sunken misconceptions have brought our conscience into a critical level wherein bad things win over good.

If you ask me, these are just mere words coming from who else but one of the thousands-- no, millions-- of teenagers in the world: ME. True enough, I do not have the capacity to command all people to work and clean the canals because for one, I do not know how to go about the process either. Here is when, I think, those whom we look up to and dub as "professionals" should use their capabilities the most. Because right now, there are hardly enough good, gifted people to sustain our country's basic needs. Those who lead us live a life directed (if not, related) to wrong directions because they succumb to human's worldly desires. They, who are gifted, give a sh*t of themselves, humiliating themselves in public not knowing that their wrong conducts do them demerits. Sad to say, because of poverty, people have learned to look up to the wrong people. We are blinded by too many issues which up to now have no exact solution. And those who really have something good to offer are not being welcomed by the government-- it's always the basic principles that these people lack. Frankly, they are too ecstatic about getting into the government and lead the people because of nothing else but money. And when they lose, they christen their opponents as cheaters. But heck, who said that leading the country would require to have a good position in the government? Because of people's incorrect thinking, this misconception has lead to the absence of the true characteristics of leaders.

We are a poor country, a poor nation.. would we still want to be in the hands of poor leaders? By "poor leaders" I mean those who do not live up to their duties; those who after elections do nothing but doze off to sleep in their comfortable seats; and simply those who easily succumb to all human desires. If you come to think of it, almost all serving in the local government have sumptuous meals everyday; live in a great, big mansion; and basically, have luxurious SUV's. I cannot help but think about how they come to live so comfortably when almost 81% of Filipinos sleep with hungry stomachs and sleep on elsewhere. Nomads, Filipino edition indeed.

Yes I am partly feeling anger towards how our government has come to be. I know that they have their capabilities but they sure do not use them the way they should. Well before the start of elections they give people the promise of fulfilling this and that but in the end, they do almost nothing at all. I pity us Filipinos. I hope that one day we'd wake up, soaked in the rain and freed from all our worldly desires. I hope that one day we wake up thinking of our function as citizens of our country and that one day we cut all strings attached to issues which pull us down deep, deep underground.

Life Lessons

2007-08-12T09:33:00.000+08:00

I do not practically have any idea what to blog about at the moment but I am giving time to do so because I might not be able to blog later this week. Exams and studying until the wee hours of the morning hold me back and lock me up tight. This time, it is more hectic, more elegantly evilish. No wonder, I will be the only one awake in the household because of the eight tests which should be taken in a span of three days. So, in average, a half-day of exams would equal to three tests and God forbid, Biology was scheduled first in line. Exactly, this is not a piece of cake nor my cup of tea. Let's burn the midnight oil everybody! No sleep for me this week.

Just recently, I am feeling a huge amount of guilt and regret towards my crammed T.H.E. project and our crammed Environmental Education (Aquatic Ecosystem) project. Why is it that I always have to learn things the hard way? Up to now, I can't even grasp the whole idea that cramming is bad. Sure, I can get hold of its surface but getting it on a much deeper scale-- meaning, doing some action and avoiding it-- is something that I have been unsuccessfully doing over the course of my whole school-driven life. Putting of things and delaying them has always been part of my system and so, I think it will be hard to literally detach and tear it to pieces because obviously, it is something I've grown up with-- just the same case with genetically inherited diseases.. it's basically something real hard to get out.

By the time I reached school, I saw my classmates' beautifully made self portfolio and from there you could see their utmost effort. Chessy's work, for instance, grabbed my attention because she had hers made on something more original-- veering away from the traditional scrapbook layout. Believe me, I cannot help but feel a pang of anger towards myself. Maybe, I could have done better--- (OH MAN, here I go again)--- if I hadn't crammed it in the first place. Mine was a good example of mediocre work. It was indeed a project not worth keeping. I blame no one else but myself-- my lazy ass which couldn't get itself working. Screw me, I have just wasted time, effort and the possibility of getting a higher grade. I trashed every opportunity there was until I was left with nothing, nada.

But then again, I am not as creative as you think and coming up with the idea of the project itself is a huge disaster. I had to tear out my scalp and tap my brain inside which I should say, one part is already inactive, deeply trapped in a long period of hibernation-- which maybe be a good explaination for my non-productive self.

Yes, I have a goal this year and I have my own big dreams as a student too. I certainly dislike myself for giving in to distractions easily and having adapted the routine of putting off things until the very, very last minute. Alarmed by the fact that I am slowly but surely crushing my dreams and throwing away all the good opportunities, I wish to turn over into a new leaf. I do not believe that it is something I could not do nor something too late to accomplish. If I start as soon as possible, I think I would get this overgrown disease of cramming out of my system in no time. By then, regret would also be obliterated from my vocabulary and a smooth-flowing future would lay ahead of me-- paving the road to a successful career.

Fickle Minded Youth

2007-08-09T05:25:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how people can stand the complaints showered upon them by the "youth" they are constantly talking to. No offense, but I do share my own blab-mouth-with-unnecessary-words to-say-just-full-off-outright-complaints. I do not know how many kilograms my family hears of me saying so each day but truthfully, I pity them and at the same time, admire them for having been ever so patient in living up with my nasty habit.

Just recently, when I oppened my Yahoo Messenger account, the pop-up window for "Offline Messages" appeared. I read through them one by one just in case there was something important. One of them contained this message (rephrased by moi): "Sana wala nalang pasok bukas. Tinatamad ako. Hehehehehe." Later, I found out that classes were suspended. (Damn. Too much for that No-Classes-For-AA today fact, uh? Total Waste.) Anyway, before that account signed out, I received another group message, "Sana may pasok nalang, walang magawa dito sa bahay. Gusto ko umalis." Funny. Totally Hilarious. One time, he was wishing school was suspended and just moments after, he wanted school to be back. Man, how quick that wish was.

Well, it is kind of shallow if you think about it but it dawned on me the fact on how we want things to happen instantly-- without actually waiting even just for a few moments. That's the sickness of youth today (and I am one of the many victims). There is not a pint of patience in us that's why we never learned the value of waiting. All we think about is having what we want when we want it-- and "when we want it" is synonymous to NOW, NOW, NOW! Bratty?? Hell yeah! Too bratty that we can't even recognize we're part of the bad-influence society. Who said we were great enough to rule the next world? No one should put us to ruling unless we learn the basic necessities and values in life. We think of ourselves as someone superior-- someone perfect-- without actually noticing that we have been driving ourselves insane by keeping up to the What's-Hot-And-What's-Not nowadays. Thus, ending up in a cycle of bratty, nasty attitudes. Then later, we will be a self-transformed little monster. Freaky.

Maybe, this just serves as a reminder that we must think before we speak. Complaints are just damn too redundant and who the heck would want to repeatedly hear a statement full of dissatisfaction? Well, a foolish man would but I am sure, we are not all foolish men-- we've got to push our brains to work. Good, positive and wise words are what we should learn to regard about life. Afterall, it's not a bad world out there, it is just our wrong mindset playing tricks on us.

Self-Love

2007-08-08T09:22:00.000+08:00

I am at the peak of wanting to blog for no particular reason at all. Most likely, it could be somehow blamed from inspiration driven by reading Young Blood 3-- which I admit, is what preoccupies my free time lately. Yes dearies, blame it to the magnificently-written essays of which you cannot actually believe that behind them are the Filipino youth trying to mirror their experiences and others' experiences as well. Simply unbelievable. Truth be told, the fact that Filipino youth can be really good writers never dawned on me and now that I am faced with a written record as proof, I cannot brace the mere fact that we can be good writers too. Likewise, I am thankful to them because they inspire and open doors to opportunities which lay dormant for quite a while. Perhaps, the fear of being rejected or not-well-liked holds us back from our true desires but it is exemplified in the following published essays that these simple fears should not prevent us from chasing our ultimate dreams. The challenge deeply lies on whether you will let yourself be swallowed up as a whole and allow fears to crush your dreams into pieces or you will push yourself to the limit and try to squeeze in that little whole at the end of the tunnel which is labeled, "freedom." Which to choose, it depends on you. Weaknesses, fears and backfired plans should not hinder you nor put an end to your ability to being successful in life.

The highlight of my day is not really the exclusive-for-year-two Confession that took place in the morning but yet I want to make it so.

Confession is a fundamental part of Catholics' life but I am not a very responsible and religious catholic member and so I seldom have the chance to "come clean" and only do it when school provides or supports such. As expected, I am also quite unfamiliar with the process by how things should go (i.e. what's the first sentence you utter, what do you say next, when does the priest start talking, etc.). In other words, I hardly know a thing about Confession (only that it is something that you do to cleanse or free yourself from the bondage of sin). Basically, I am an irresponsible Catholic citizen and this is a big, big thing considering the fact that I come from a Catholic school-- run by no one else but nuns.

Amazingly, when I had my turn in confession I was comfortably walking towards the vacant chair facing some foreign-looking with British-Australian accent priest (of course, this I did not recognize yet until he finally spoke) with not even an ounce of nervousness. When I started talking, asking for forgiveness and opening up my suitcase of endless sins-- of which I selected only a handful because I basically forgot them-- that was when I felt a bit lost and confused. I did not know what gesture to do to signal the priest that I was done on narrating my part. Fortunately, I remebered the line which I had to say first, "For these and all the sins which I cannot now remember..." From there, the foreign-looking bearded "quite" old minister took on his part. He advised me to: 1)Try to see the positive/good things in myself and others; and 2)Thank the Lord for the blessings, protection, talents/abilities, etc. which both serve as my penance too. Basically, this mindset brought me to thinking that he might be some sort of fortune-teller-slash-psycho-slash-stalker because his penance (for me) were things which actually hit the spot. It hit the mark!!!-- without me expecting it.

Frankly, I am not an optimistic person (and I am surprised Father noticed it for I do not know how he came to recognize that I was so) and hardly, hardly will I have ample amount of faith in myself-- I am mostly veered toward putting myself down which, in all cases, is a bad, terrible, tragic thing. I realized that everytime I put myself down, I withdraw huge amounts from my self-confidence account and at the same time, draw myself to expensive debts which would take years to make up for. It was not a good strategic plan because it is good things and bad things in a ratio of 1:2 and the gap in between just gets bigger and bigger by the minute. Useless, one can say.

On the contrary, I am a hard-to-please student specially when it comes to my own set of grades. I set myself to tremendously high standards which I cannot achieve or can achieve only if I stupidly sacrifice one whole schoolnight of sleep (to me, it is equivalent to 6 hours at most) which, obviously, I will not do. Sometimes, I push myself too hard and expect too much in return and once I find out that the result is inferior to what I had expected I pout and feel awful as if the end of the world is near. Then, this is followed by a long list of, "If only I had........I could have done better."

As you may have noticed "contentment" is nowhere in my vocabulary. But I wish to incorporate it soon. I do not want myself to grow up as some bratty, materialistic girl who gets everything she WANTS in life nor do I want to be someone who feels so unsatisfied with what she gets or what she has. I just want myself to learn to live simply and to learn to accept whatever comes my way. Likewise, I want to learn how to juggle experiences alongside trials. Yes, simple dreams for a young lady like me but I am challenged to exemplify my contentment to all facets in life. Afterall, I have my basic necessities: Food, Clothing, Good Education, Loving Family, Understanding Friends, Forgiving God.... What more can I ask for? At the moment, perhaps a little more self-love.

Stained Hands, Cluttered Mindset

2007-08-05T14:20:00.000+08:00

I had no idea how barbaric Filipinos can still be. The recent article (published in the newspaper) about 14 marines killed-- 10 of them beheaded, others mutilated-- is simply unreachable for my little world of child-like imagination. It brought me once again to the novel we discussed during Freshman year: Without Seeing the Dawn. Believe it or not, others were tortured before putting an end to their dear lives. Mind you, if I was in their place, I would have opted for the instant decapitation process (but God forbid, may it not happen now.. soon.. or whenever). I know we are ultimately far from where this horrible incident occured but it promtly sent shivers running up and down my spine. Just imagine how scared to death the residents must be. But who are we to blame, this is life-- Life that is bittersweet and tragic. Just another angle of what we used to dub as sweet, sweet life.

May it not be that foreign countries christen us as the "unlikely" Filipinos. Yes, as barbaric as we may be, I am sure we ultimately share the desire of being one as country and nation. The only thing that hinders us is our mindset-- our wrong mindset. Most of us think that we are or we have to be superior than others. Sadly, this leads to competitive thinking which later results to feuds. We close our doors to possible mistakes and drive ourself insane by thinking that we are correct and perfect ALL THE TIME. But then again, who are we to blame? All these competitive thinking root out, at times, in our home and later develop in school. For instance, if you have the capacity, pressure just builds up on you without you actually noticing it. Then, slowly but surely, you are driving yourself insane.

Whatever causes us to be what we are now is blamed on the influence of the wrong surroundings and how we basically succumb to it. If we could patch things up peacefully, we still desire revenge: usually in a cruel, brutal manner that equal to what was done to us or at times, even greater. Revenge just results to revenge-- forming an unlimited chain of "revenge." How come we disregard peaceful attempts and proceed to more ferocious plans? If you come to think of it, one peaceful talk between two opposing forces may result to regaining harmony once again. But no, we skip these "peaceful" processes and disregard them as if they were events in fantasy-oriented happenings. Blinded by too much thinking, I suppose. We cannot anymore see the simple things-- so we look straight ahead to the horizon several miles away. No wonder that we cannot achieve our common goal.

On the contrary, who would even put much effort into attaining the desire without actually letting the other experience the same thing? It is the kind of thinking which somehow goes, "If you do this to me, I will also do it to you (sometimes, at greater expense)." We cannot blame anyone for this way of life because it is the product of a misinterpreted "Golden Rule." And at the now times, who would be courageous enough to face troubles free-handedly and in a calmed, peaceful attempt? With all these fueds going on among the nations (particularly religion-related ones), there are few souls who are willing to hold back their barbaric ways. But even so, I think that if you stand in the middle of a lush-green forest, if the opposing force knew that you were the enemy, you are going to be down in a second-- without being able to recite a heart-felt prayer.

Truthfully, as barbaric as we may seem, I think we are good Filipinos at heart. It's just that, we allow all these wrong doings to accumulate within ourselves and build up pressure between our good and bad habits. It is just a matter of self-discipline, if you ask me. I believe that if a person can control her own mindset, a wrong environment would not easily penetrate within. Everyone has their flaws but we should not let this "tao-lang-naman-kaya't-nagkakamali" thinking to get into the way. Sure, we cannot be perfect but we must veer toward attaining excellence. After all, it is only once that we get to live, make a move, affect a change-- it only happens once so better do your part.

You've Got to Have Faith

2007-08-04T09:33:00.000+08:00

Two thirty in the afternoon I jumped in the car and Mom drove me to Kumon for I was scheduled to take the queen test of all tests-- the Completion Test in Kumon Reading, that is. I arrived much earlier and the proctor did not come until quarter to four. So, I was blessed with ample time to browse through my previous L worksheets. But then, I also ended up accomplishing half of my three-page worksheets in math. Once the proctor arrived, I put down everything and she demonstrated how the test would work. She gave me an "untimed reading" which allowed me to understand all the test items but not answer yet. It took me about 10 mins to do it and finally, I held my pencil in one hand, started jotting down the required fields of information and stated my time. Once the digital clock flashed 3:57, I flipped the page and started.

Frankly, it was hard and confusing. Yes, half of it was based on my past L worksheets which sad to say, I have not reviewed. The other half was kind of revised so I had to think real hard while answering. It had a variety of literature ranging from Pride and Prejudice, Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde up to Macbeth. There was actually no smooth transition. Also the directions varied from page to page. My mind was spinning-- I was getting dizzier by the minute plus confusion surrounded me. Who thought it would be all easy and smooth-flowing? Not me. Definitely. Not. Me.

My time duration was somewhere between the line of thirty to thirty-five minutes. The moment I wrote the finishing time, I handed my paper to the proctor who was, the whole time, beside me. While she was checking it, I bowed my head and started to pray. I prayed that a miracle would happen to save me from failing this test. And true enough, after some time, she (the proctor) held out her hand to congratulate me. I got a mark of 51/60. Good enough for a shallow LitNerd, eh? Truthfully, I wasn't expecting myself to do this well but as to how results point out, I think I underestimated my own capabilities too much. I may have done a little bit better if I just had faith in myself.

Going off to the brighter side, I am officially a Kumon Reading Completer. This step actually motivated me more in finishing my Kumon Math-- in which I still have six letters to go. I know it may be another long, rough road but it will surely be an incomparable experience. And, as how many people point out, Kumon will help me in the future. (Hopefully). Now, I am grateful that I successfully torn down the thought of giving up. And I congratulate myself for that.

Likewise, I am divinely inspired to do well in school. I am compelled to pushing myself to extremes at reasonable accounts. Moreover, strive or rather aim for excellence because I believe in myself that I can, now, handle things.

For all those who have insecurities and feel that they are inferior to majority, I think it's now time to get out of your comfort zones and really work on things which you do best. As they say, you never know unless you give it a try. And, if moments come wherein you tend to give up, just think of how many people you may inspire by a single, good deed. There is no opportunity that must end up as a waste. We all live for a purpose and our mission is to discover them.

Reality Check

2007-07-30T11:04:00.000+08:00

Hello. I am once again unsatisfied with my self-made blogskin so here I am renewing it all. Maybe, I need MORE inspiration because the former looked dull and the more I try to revise it the more it ends up looking duller by the minute. Adobe is playing tricks on me. I can't manage to manipulate my brain and I believe that I've knocked out all creative cells inside of me. It sucks, I know. School projects are to blame, no offense dear teachers. Our Environmental Education project is useless because we do not know how to actually go about building an aquatic biosphere made of scrap and considering that all my creative cells have vanished, I cannot direct myself into thinking how the whole thing shall go. So at this very moment I am wasteful of my time-- yes, I regret it but I can't make myself live a school life that is all planned out. I want it to be spontaneous and frank so that I learn to be flexible to changes and adapt to them quite easily. But in this case, I don't think it is appropriate. Bitter truth: DEADLINE IS ON WEDNESDAY, JULY 31. Cramming buddies, here I coooome!

Yesterday, we watched "Florante at Laura" in AFP. It had me thinking about the plot of the storyline which is, for my case, outright fantasy in some points. Frankly, I am not a Francisco Balagtas enthusiast nor a filipino classic fanatic. (Yeah, screw me!) I find it hard dealing with those heart-felt Filipino lines, which in some cases are as cheesy as can be (and dull at times.. sorry :D), because they feel too fake. But truth be told, I want to open up myself into these Filipino classics and dig a more appreciative literary buff within me. No, the story line was not too hard to absorb but the involvement and presence of excruciatingly-hard-to-translate-vocabs are at fault. I know I am Filipino and everything but the language is difficult for me to comprehend. Whoever thought Filipino was easy? Nah, not me. NOT.AT.ALL.

Reality check:

I am gaining weight once again. This sucks. I think my no-rice diet is not working. DARN.
I finished Ramayana already and I am a wee bit fascinated by the imaginary scenes involved. It was goody-good but not too much. Shallow plot, that's it.
Monday again. Mondays are my most disliked days of the week.

Distraction and Newspapers

2007-07-25T09:32:00.000+08:00

Since I cannot fully condition myself into doing "productive" research about Indian Literature, Narcotics, Basho and Li Po, I decided that maybe (just maybe) my inner self feels the urge to write, at least. Truth be told, I am too distracted that I cannot even manage the twirling of other thoughts inside my brain. In simpler terms, I cannot clear my mind and this, as you all know, is a bad habbit because frankly, I will not be able to accomplish things which I need to do at this very instant. Take right now, for instance.. I should be doing research on several topics but no, I am blogging. (Hehe!) Hm, let's put aside school for a moment. Maybe a break from dreadful school-related activities is what I need.. Yeah.. maybe.

*Good thoughts in, nasty out*

Talking about newspapers, (call me a freak if you want to) I read them, as much as possible, daily. I think my Mom's constant nagging paid off. Now I am sorta-kinda a newspaper devotee-- exclusive for Inquirer, dear-- but I do not read much about "business" since I infer that it is useless for a person my age. Anyway, I got another fact about Mr. Harry Potter. His book was actually a BIG BREAK in the literature world selling 83 million copies within 24 hours in the United States alone. Talk about.. chaos! And imagine, it is just ONE country.. what about the others?! (And, just think about how much J.K. Rowling earned!!) If I am not mistaken, a series would be sold some time September (books 1-7) and most likely, I will just hit the bookstores then. For the moment, I will be busy filling up my dusty wallet since I wish to buy it from my own money. Whew, I think it needs a lot of "sacrifice" on my part.

Going on, newspapers are sorta-kinda my best buds at home. (Eww. But true!) I read them to keep myself updated with current events but not really those which are talk too much about dirty politics. Dirty politics suck and the more I read about what's going on within the government, the more I get pissed off. Dirty minds+Dirty politics=Dirty Ruling which also wholly equivalent to Dirty Philippines. No wonder. It is for this reason that I try to focus much on other aspects specially lifestyle because it teaches a lot about everyday living covering up topics from family, school, physical and emotional facets.. and they are NOT boring at all. In fact, I feel a pang of excitement in reading issues of it everyday. Also, Young Blood's opinion section is such an attention grabber. There are basically a lot of great essays and good contributions from young writers. Nonetheless, I never fail to check out Sports section as well as Metro (which includes World).

I never expected my interest in newspapers to flourish. I used to dislike them because they contained real hard words which I cannot understand. But, as time progressed and my interest grew from pre-school vocabulary to a well-reformed (in a way) one, I got the grasp of how stimulating these printed account of news could be. So, yes, I am happy to be called a newspaper devotee. And one day maybe I could be a great essay writer.. just maybe..

Wanting To

2007-07-24T10:03:00.000+08:00

I am not an avid fan of the Harry Potter series (author: J.K. Rowling). Sure, I do own hardbound copies of books two and three but never, never did I give myself a chance to sit and read it. Yes, it was a useless purchase because it is now collecting dust down in the basement book rack. Seriously, I was a money-waster (and I am not proud of that!). Well, I tried to read it before but after finally figuring out that it was too long and I probably could not stand it any longer, I'd give up and place book on the shelf. Every now and then, I tried to recondition myself into actually giving the book another try but it eventually ended up as an unfinished, unread book. (If I am not mistaken, I only got to read book two up to Chapter 6.) But looking at it now, I am amazed at how many fans it had drawn world-wide. Frankly, I think there is more to the book itself that makes people hooked to it. And that is what I attempt to figure out.... some other time.

Recently, newspapers were actually covered with articles about its upcoming release (which was incredibly a BLAST) and now (yes, as early as now), there are published reviews. I just cannot imagine how much these people were devoted to reading Harry Potter in a span of like, two days (or even less!). If I were them, I would have drained my eyes too much that they'll probably have eyebags as dark as a black eye. No kidding. And another thing, if I were them I'd not drool on some J.K. Rowling book but rather, another Sophie Kinsella series which btw, I am currently hunting in bookstores.

Harry Potter is more veered on witchcraft adventures of "The-Boy-Who-Lived" and if you know me, I am not fanatic about those types of fiction. I am more inclined toward novels which are conversational in tone and easily understood. Also, its characters are someone I could relate to at the moment or maybe, some time in the future. Take Sophie Kinsella's Shop-a-Holic series for instance (which I actually am proud to say that I completely read); another would be Anne Brashares' "The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants." Needless to say, I am (maybe) a boring type of literature enthusiast. (No, I am not offended if you dub me so because I respect your opinion.) I stick to what is common (for me) and seldom (seldom!) tries out something new when it comes to reading.

I do not know exactly why but there is quite an excitement going on deep inside me. I am drawn to much of Harry Potter reviews without knowing the actual reason/s behind it. Yes, I am NOT an avid fan (to prove that, I haven't even watched the movie) but there is something deep inside me practically trying to pull my inner self outward and somewhat saying, "Hey loser, why don't you try out something new." I do not know where this inner calling is trying to lead me but I do feel that it is to a road I am not familiar of.

At the moment, I am completely sharing doubts on whether I should give Harry Potter a try (even though it is TOO late!) or mainly just ignore it. Hm, I guess a little more push and you'll find me in the bookstore trying to squeeze in my way just to get a grasp of the whole series. Hello bookstore, I am here to raid you once again. And Hello Harry Potter, welcome me to your world.

I did not know

2007-07-21T17:25:00.000+08:00

I hadn't but a slightest clue on how fun the class encounter would be this year. It was better in terms of activities lined up. In fact, I regret the fact that I was not totally up to it at first. And since it was one of the sponsored school activities, I was quick to dub it as "boring." (Who would have said I was right?) But frankly, I was trying to cut the negativity going on inside my head as early as the day before it. I did not want it to linger long enough and affect the very few optimisitic, party-mood cells I have (which were most likely lying dormant for quite a while). I did not really grasp on the idea that it was something to look forward to, not even during the day itself.

True enough, to prove my utmost hard headedness, I only packed my things the night before. And what I put in my green luggage were clothes I first saw and thought might be good enough to wear for a school event-- casual and cool. Sadly on my part, I did not stick to what the class chose as theme: retro. Truthfully, I am not vintage-retro-ey born and the fact that I don't have clothes that can be classified under "retro" is another thing. (You might now be saying that leggings are possibly easy to wear. Yes, it is. But I have fatty theighs so I do not think it would be widely appropriate. Yes, I am concious about how I look but I do not do anything about it. How ironic, isn't it?) On the latter part, I am just too KJ and probably didn't have time enough to do "reasonable" packing.

The start of the event was kind of delayed but we did not dare wait any longer for late comers because it would just push the schedule farther even more. Some were dutifully dressed retro-ey complete with leggings, pretty loose graphic or striped vintage tees and flipflops. To top it off, many brought their own accessories which are composed of shades, bangles and those long, colorful necklaces. While I, on the other hand, wore my usual comfy tees with capri and flipflops, sitting in one corner trying to reflect on the fact that I was too dumb not to even try bringing even just an accessory (because it would have probably worked). And so, I tried to squeeze in and just drool over how the others put their heart into their costumes and mind you, they perfectly fit the theme. Yes dear, perfectly. At that moment, I would have wanted a teleport so that I could have gone back home and not long be back with a handful of clothes which would fit the theme as well as accessories. But no, there was no teleport.

The night seemed cool. Cool and breezy, in a way making it pretty hard for us to keep awake. But just in time to save us from the moment of closing our eyes permanently and saying goodnight to the busy day, the 8 center activity emerged. (If not for that, I would have permanently given in to my drooping eyelids.) It served as a wake-me-up-because-I'm-sleepy activity since it required a lot of running around and thinking and talking. [EDIT]No, slash out lking, it was more on YELLING.[/EDIT] What made it different was the fact that we were composed of members we never actually knew much about. In other words, it wasn't our usual set of barkada in the class. Quite challenging? No, not at all. It was so much fun that it came to a point that we were acting like close friends already. We bonded so much that we seemed inseprable. These simple things proved to me that there is so much more behind each of my classmates-- so much more which I did not know of because I did not give myself the chance to get to know them.

There were also other activities but I would not mind emphasizing on all of them. (I will just select some parts to share). Another that I liked was the Chocolate Game wherein the number of nips we had was the actual number of "secrets" we had to spill. The secrets may be anything under the moon. And yes, you got that right, it was ultimately pure hardcore fun-- for my groupmates and me, atleast. It was shocking to embrace realities which you did not expect from a person and usually it all deals with L-O-V-E. Hm. On the contrary, it was thrilling to spill things which you yourself only knew. Well, it was like some form of truth or dare but this time what you are going to talk about or admit is something not forced.

The night was calm and it was the soothing haze of the moon which allowed me to take a sleep after a tiring event. It took me past 2am to sleep. I did not have a comfortable night sadly because I kept on waking up in between and (I do not know exactly what brought me to do this) I kept on looking at the window outside. That time I did not think about spooky things which would have had freaked me out somehow.

Believe me, I learned a lot from an event which I first dubbed as boring. Wrong inference, I admit. More or less, I gained a better understanding about myself and how others thought about me. It made me realize my own potentials and weaknesses and how much people trusted me. Their affirming words were unexpected and I am happy to know that they appreciate my help. Though I may not be able to please everybody (and I do not expect to do so anyway), at least I know that I have done my part to help. Truly, it is again another memorable experience which opened up my sheltered life. I am not the shell anymore but the turtle itself trying to take a peak at the colorful world outside. And yes, I am thankful for all these. Very much.

Little Things

2007-07-13T11:43:00.000+08:00

As you all know, school has been hectic-- I am pertaining to the extremely high demands; demands of all school-related facets. At times, I can't help but give up. A point wherein I sit back, relax, clear my thoughts and get a good night's sleep: making the most of the 5 hours left before I wake up once again and do morning (schoolday) rituals. Believe me, I am suffering much than I had expected. Half of this I have prepared for; the other half was just a shocking reality. Shocking enough that it can actually eat up my grades and give me a failing mark on the test if I just wasn't that tough enough to condition myself that late night studying can be equal to good grades.. atleast. True enough, I have dark skin under my eyes for proof. Blech, Pah.

Bitter truth: if you do not study, you'll fail. It's kind of basic actually-- basic enough that a first grader can understand. But, the challenge comes in once you "do" the actions. The actions which are synonymous to endless studying and devotion of time to analyzing. HUMUNGOUS SUFFERING. Period.

Maybe, I am partly going ga-ga over school-- I think 90% of my life surrounds it anyway. Sounds too geeky? Yeah. Too geeky that I, myself, cannot even fully process. The thought of surving sophomore year is quite an evil-ish dream. It is NOT the easiest. You always have to study, and there's barely enough time for everything. I am such a nerd that even on weekends, I seldom watch tv. Good enough, the internet is here to bring me back to normal life-- if it weren't for this, I would have fallen into the school's hypnotizing realms. Ack.

Start of the day. I usually devote time to attend early morning mass. I know that this may sound too religious, but it's the one that helps me survive the challenging experiences I have to encounter throughout the day. It works as some sort of energy-booster, really.

Well, the simple hi's and hello's lighten my burdens in a way and thinking that people care about me or better yet believe in what I can do, is a huge thing already. I do not know with you guys, but the "thank-you's" I hear from my classmates (whenever I help them) are one of the simple words that create a big impact. I am satisfied that I put my knowledge to good use. The smiles-- yes, even these simple gestures-- are worth seeing for a person who is always held back and trapped by school pressure. FRIENDS, the most precious gift school could offer.

Little things are what we usually take for granted, (wrongly) associating them as useless and "..just not a big deal." But if you come to think of it, these little things are a way for acquiring bigger and more exciting surprises in life. What these little things do is motivate us-- motivate us and inspire us to undergo a change which will, in the end, benefit us: personality, way of life, values. Simple things= simple joys= enjoying life.

third week and i'm suffering

2007-07-02T05:24:00.000+08:00

I am sparing some time to blog because frankly, I cannot understand a thing. I tried to do the pile of homeworks and read some books but my brain cannot fully process them yet. I guess it all shall be blamed for the overly-joyous weekend I had. And for my part, I did not have enough time left to give attention to school-related torments (homeworks, research, reading). Pardon me if I am blogging to much about school but really, it's the only thing that's keeping me busy lately.

Anyway, reading Florante at Laura is a huge challenge for me. It's like 7th grade "Ibong Adarna" which pissed me off because of the added, not-really-that-important events and resulted to boredom in the end. In other terms, the plot was twisted too much that you do not know where you are really heading. Going on, F at L is not my type of reading material. It's a bit more sophisticated and complicated because, for one, it is written in Filipino. And you know how Filipino writers get to invent some words when composing specially literatures in the form of awit. Believe me, I am trying my best to appreciate F at L but the main problem is I have a difficult time understanding. And the vocab?? They are pain for the brain.

Better yet, I will be signing off because I have to accomplish school work. Tomorrow will be another day and the start of another hell-ish week. Indeed, it's hello reality again.

crawling all the way

2007-06-29T11:29:00.000+08:00

Sophomore year (so far) has been the most surprising year ever simply because of its high demands and requirements when it comes to studying. (I am not a patient person and it's hard for me to stay put at times, so this thing is a big, big challenge on my part.) I cannot imagine how devoted I am though because I seem to put my perspectives in the right place and actually, managed to keep up with time, school and study pressure. On the latter part, I am still able to find time to enjoy other activities even though I seem too tied up with schoolwork and Kumon. Surprisingly, I think I am climbing my way up to success but this time, it's ten times slower. Well, what the heck, at least I am improving.

Schedule's been tied up lately. Lectures demand all-ears attention and books require further reading. Oh yes dear people, I also share the common complain against endless homeworks. Every week, it just gets worse, and worse, and worse-- one day, I wouldn't be surprised if I wake up flooded by a huge pile of homeworks. I tell you, nothing is impossible (specially in the crazy, little school world).

Surprisingly, I also devoted time for early morning mass at school almost everyday. Surprisingly, I listened to the slowly-dying religious self inside of me. Surprisingly, I am amazed at how all these turned out to be a refreshing new start of the day. Yes, I am not as religious as you may think but now, I really make it a point to allot time for a short prayer every now and then. And the mass? Well, it kind of made its way to being part of my school agenda and I hope to keep it up all throughout the schoolyear.

Anyway, I am proud to have surpassed a greatly exceeding challenge for me. Though I am still crawling my way to success, I know that studying would pay tribute in the end. My little crammer self seemed to have slowly dimmed, little by little each day-- and even that simple thing, is a huge step for a better me.

As early as now, I am trying to put out all that I can to survive sophomore and the rest of my high school years. I know how much grades matter these days and my ultimate desire is to basically be successful in the future (and who wouldn't anyway). I want to be able to make a good out of my education because it is a way of paying back all the thousands my parents spend for tuition. And yes, this is just one of the many things I am willing to crawl and undertake even though it may require severe pains somewhere in the middle. Afterall, you cannot gain something instantly, can you?

i cannot believe

2007-06-26T10:02:00.000+08:00

I cannot believe that this is yet our second week in school only.
I cannot believe that we are already flooded with endless homeworks.
I cannot believe how others have the ability to say that sophomore year is the easiest.
I cannot believe that I am stressed out.
I cannot believe how our biology book scares me a lot!
I cannot believe that we had our IP groupings already.
I cannot believe that it's just the start of another hell-ish week.
I cannot believe that we will have a presentation tomorrow in Filipino.
I cannot believe that I am so lazy at the moment.
I cannot believe that I am having a hard time understanding Statistics.
I cannot believe that I do not have faith in myself.

There are a lot things bugging me right now; the ones listed above are just one part of it. I have a lot of things to attend to and the stress just won't wear away. Anyway, I have to attend to:
A) Bio Homework
B) Filipino presentation
C) English Quiz
so I better buzz off.

God, please help me survive this week.

I am tired but I will not surrender.

of too much excitement

2007-06-25T14:58:00.000+08:00

First week of school is over and what I can say is that it is exhausting. Well, too much for my excitement! By Friday, I was feeling as if it wasn't our first week anymore because for one, we were flooded with homeworks; and two, we were discussing lesson topics seriously already. It was indeed a working business week.

Sophomore. I guess, I have adjusted to High School life. More or less, I got acquainted to the endless homeworks, dreaded pop quizzes and study, study, study all day long. (Though, I have yet to get used to the late departure everyday except Thursdays: 4pm.) True enough, I have reactions towards our set of teachers. Hm, let's just say they aren't that good but I hope it works well all throughout the schoolyear. You see, we kind of lack teachers so some play 2-part or even 3-part roles. Just imagine how many times we see them in a day!

So far, it's all good. I turned down being class head because of valid reasons and the fact that I have to pull up my grades. Because of last year's tied up events, I left little room for studying and that reflected in my overall report card grade. I do not want the same thing happening to me and I want a shift in all these things. I am a crammer, in case you don't know, and a professional at that, but this year, I am hoping to perfectly obliterate every percentage of it so that I get to pass no mediocre works. Right. I also wish to get to study always or better yet, in advance. Call me a nerd, I do not care. In fact, I have accomplished neglecting my phone for the five school days and I did survive. Then I guess, that is what will happen for the rest of the schoolyear. Hopefully.

Yes, yes. I do have complaints. And a lot of them. But then again, I know that whining about it will do nothing at all. So, I guess I have to stick with it and work with it so that I can achieve something atleast. Managing my time has never been this difficult. I get tied up in between events and have been held up in a line of endless homeworks.

Biology. I cannot believe how thick our book is! And I cannot believe the fact that we will study it all, or rather, study most of it. Everyday homework. What the hell?! I am not a science lover.. but I hope I can survive.

Anyway, putting aside my school-related life, let's talk about my new dog, PJ (Pirate Jack, derived from the movie sequel, Pirates of the Carribean). PJ's a Belgian something. (Haha!) Well, he's the type you see in malls and airports. They're the ones who sniff a lot! He's still a pup, turning 4 months this July 15, if I am not mistaken. He's sharing the cage with Roxy, my Doberman pet who has grown humungous. Anyway, he's the one who's keeping me distracted and always tempts me to veer away from school. Tsk. But hell yeah, he loves to play a lot so in a way, he takes away school pressure and stress. (P.S. He does not bark. What the heck?!)

hello reality

2007-06-16T10:02:00.000+08:00

I never have really given much thought about how fast time flies these days. But as to how it turned out, our world is spinning way, way faster this time. I'd have to brace myself for the fact that school resumes in just three days. Three days, and *poof*, summer 2007 will be part of my archives. I just can't believe it. I will be a certified sophomore high school student too.

For my part, I read four books which are part of the summer home reading program: The Time Machine, The Merchant of Venice, Things Fall Apart and By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. I thought that I might as well make good use of the rest of my summer since almost all the time I just wasted precious golden time-- mind you, the summer heat was just unbearable.

Anyway, I have nothing much to talk about. I will write something more sincere once school starts. Hopefully. Ciao.

2007-06-01T18:35:00.000+08:00

extreme hangover

I am surely going to miss summer, specially now that it is the first of June. It means, we only have, more or less, two weeks to enjoy the rest of our vacation. Then *poof* we are all dragged back to reality-- back to the 4-corner walls of our classroom; butts glued to our armchair; pen and paper will be my ultimate best buds. NOT.

Well, I will be an incoming sophomore. What's the big deal? That is the big deal! I do not think I am well prepared for what is to come this year. I have to really put an effort into pulling up my grades. Last year was not really a good year for me, so hopefully, sophomore year would give me the chance to improve. Afterall, I've got a year of adjustment. *crosses fingers*

Sad to say, I am constantly delaying the accomplishment of the Reading Response Sheet. Truth be said, I have not actually given myself time to read the required materials. You know me, I am an expert crammer and I dislike classics because I cannot really relate to them. Good thing, there are reliable websites so I do not actually have to read Shakespeare's works which are, frankly, mind boggling. I mean, I survived first year English without actually reading the book. It's just 100% Sparknotes. So, maybe this year would be the same. Terrible me, I know.

Anyway, I am sure I will be having some "summer hangovers" once school starts. I am going to miss the hot, lazy summer afternoons and all the free time I get. Because once school starts, I have some serious work to do.

2007-05-31T07:17:00.000+08:00

swinging by a pageant

Miss Universe 2007 was indeed the most watched television show yesterday; featuring beautiful, witty women all over world, straight up from Albania down to Zambia. All 77 contestants were truly beauty and brains (and legs). I can say that (among the top 15) Ms Brazil, Ms Thailand and Ms Japan caught my eye-- they were true extraordinaires. Sadly though, our own Ms Anna Theresa Licaros wasn't able to bag a spot. But, true enough, God works in different ways and as the show progressed, I was happy enough to boast that our Ms Philippines did indeed win as Ms Photogenic-- and this is the second time around. I believe she was one of the prettiest ladies on stage (I am not siding with her just because she's a Filipina) and fit enough to be representing our country. As the show went on though, I was able to witness one of the tragic parts wherein Smith, Ms USA, was walking down the aisle (in her evening gown) and actually fell on her butt. The crowd went "awe" and Mexicanos (I think) were trying to put her down. But, she still got up (so quickly) and went through the runway. Surprisingly, this embarrassing moment didn't get her to feel too much insecurity. Just imagine tripping down in front of the thousands watching you live and the millions watching you through the television. My, oh my! If I was in her place, I would have even run backstage. So, I completely, completely admire her for still bringing up that smile and who would have known, she emerged as a fourth runner-up.

What really captivated me that night was the fact that Asian women kind of hit the spot this time. I mean, Korea got in top 5; Japan won Ms Universe 2007; Ms Congeniality was Ms China; and Ms Photogenic was Ms Philippines. So, why all Asian? No idea. Maybe, fate has turned to us this time, allowing the citizens of the largest continent to bag a title. True and fair enough.

behind its success

Yet, there are controversies behind the success of the Miss Universe 2007 Pageant. As the newspaper stated, there were indeed protests going on and one contestant backed-out-- complaining that it was against what is right.

I have had the chance to read something about all these pageant shows-- how unnatural and cruel it is because it gave an altered meaning to the word beautiful-- thin, tall, pretty-looking face; and if you are the opposite, then you are not pretty. How cruel indeed! I do not know whether I am to agree that pageant shows are inapproriate or whether to contradict the theory others proposed. Maybe, it is a point stated on each other's side. Pageants may have been, in a way, a source of insecurity because really, women featured in these types of shows are THIN, TALL and PRETTY. So, who would then make way for women who are neither thin nor tall? (I am part of that group)

Well, pageants may have their way but people should not allow themselves to be swallowed up by media influences and neither should they let themselves down. All people are created differently for varying reasons. We each have our own distinct personalities which make us unique from others. And what about being beautiful? OH C'MON, who is stupid enough to believe that beautiful means tall, thin and pretty-looking only?!? Better look at yourself first because true beauty comes from within not from without.

**Photo Courtesy of Miss Universe 2007

2007-05-26T04:42:00.000+08:00

rain, rain go away

The rain is simply getting in my nerves. The thunders just shriek like crazy in the clouds. And the lightning-- they're like huge camera flashes up in the grey, grey sky. Freaky, I know. Better yet, I have to get used to it. Afterall, summer is almost officially over, rainy season is tremendously due. But don't you think it is a bit too early to bid farewell to summer? Nah, I don't think so. All these raindrops clanging on my windowsill makes me feel a bit emo and lonely-- especially now that I am in fact alone at home.

randomly blogging my heart out

Right now, I have my hair tied up in a pony and completely trying to concentrate on what I want to snitch about. The cool weather makes me feel totally calmed down. For once, I do not feel the sticky sweat trickling down my back and face. For once, I had the feel of rainy season and the cool breeze blowing against my entire body. For once, it all makes sense.

The scorching sun may have gotten tired of shining its harmful rays and I am grateful for that. If not for this part-time "rainy" season, I would have collapsed. Yes, I do use the aircon but I try to avoid as much because our bill has greatly increased and you know how I guilty I feel when I think I've spent too much of my parents' dough.

I think this day would have gotten better if I got my lazy ass moving off to SM with my two Ice Princesses and Queen Mother. But then again, my fatty ass held me back from doing so. And now, I am ungratefully stuck here at home, alone. Trying to deal with boredom and hold on as much as I can.

Well, there's nothing really good to watch on TV and I've gotten sick and tired of tuning in American Idol (Season 6) Finale on Starworld. Believe me, the rerun is being played all over again, all over again, all over again. Oh c'mon, who would even watch a two-hour finale over and over and over again (unless you're totally into one of the performers) because you can actually just check on what's happening on the net. And yes, I think every American talkshow covered it: Sparks won. That's it, that's all they needed to know.

Anyway, I am constantly banning myself from getting out of my room because basically, all I will do, is open the ref and grab something to munch on. Now, don't wonder how I got my fatty theighs, drum-like tummy and puffy cheeks. You see, my new hobby now is plainly, opening the refridgerator and grabbing a bite (well, a LOT of bites). I do not know but I am partly blaiming it to my Mom who just buys a lot of great stuffs from the grocery lately. I cannot find out exactly why, whether she is trying to fill me in "good and sweet" stuffs or just trying to test my self-discipline (when it comes to food, atleast). I am completely having a hard time dealing with it because all these good food make my tummy cry and grumble. Even if I am full, I tend to push myself to limits, promising to myself that it will be last bite but ending up eating a whole platter. Beat that! To my surprise, I really gained a tremendous amount of weight. I need to and have to do a lot of exercise. On my part, it is a true burden because aside from sports, I do no other exercise. I abhor these stationary bicycles and treadmills and the like. I do not like gyms.

Oh well, as soon as summer finishes anyway, I won't have to stay that fit because obviously, there are no bikini requirements-- you know, beaches, pools and the like. School will soon be taking over and stress will soon be my number one enemy. I cannot really believe how fast time flies and I am incoming high school sophomore. Just a couple more years before I go and graduate. Then, swoosh, off to college. My, oh my, I am getting older. Getting older by each damn second.

Room Full of Strangers

2007-05-25T10:10:00.000+08:00

[Edit] I want to start off mentioning about the loser who's been spilling dirt in my tagboard. Hello there. We all know that good people have stalkers right, so I'm officially part of that club. Big thanks to that lunatic loser. [/Edit]

Today was a big day for me. For one, it's the American Idol (Season 6) Grand 2-Hour Finale and I have to watch it live. Eight in the morning, I was already tuning in Star World (Thank God for cable and live-via-satellite technology) and watched various performances from my Mum's type of music up to today's biggest hits. But sadly, on my part, I did not have the chance to finish the live 2-Hour Finale because I had to attend the M.O.V.E. FORWARD: G/J GATHERING sponsored by Kumon. At 9:35, I had to hit the streets on my way to MMLDCI, Antipolo. Once I got inside the lobby, I had some sort of andrenaline rush (the one you feel when you see your crush pass by you) because of too much nervousness. I mean, what the heck, I am going inside a room full of strangers. Beat that! [EDIT] Only two representatives per center are allowed to attend-- one for reading; one for math. Fortunately, I got to represent math. [/EDIT] True enough, there was no single person I know. Good thing though, they had the groups arranged before hand, so all I had to do was take a seat in the table I'm assigned to. That was the good part of it. I mean, at least I did not have to make friends or start a conversation with a complete stranger. Whew.

So, it started with the registration (duhhh), opening speech by Ate Jacq, then came the "Getting to Know You" activity. It wasn't really some grand ice breaker, but for a starter, it was pretty good. Afterwards, we had the break. Had some Filipino Native Food served-- sapin sapin and the like. Then came the "Team Building Activity" which was in the form of an "Amazing Race." We were provided with maps but the thing is, no one in the group knows how to read it. Hah! So, we just ended up looking for facilitators because (obviously) where there is a facilitator, there is a station. Unlike the other groups, we did not run.. well, we did but just a little bit. We were so calm and did not even think of finishing first. What we had set in mind is that: "as long as we finish, we succeed-- it doesn't necessarily have to be first." So, we walked all the way from the entrance to the other end of the campus, slowly taking note of the landmarks we passed since it indicated where we were in the map. We hopped from one station to another, desperately finding one that is unoccupied. Well, that was the tough part of it because there were only ten stations and there are about thirteen groups.

I guess I really enjoyed the station wherein we had to jump rope, three representatives in the group [EDIT] I was part of it ;) [/EDIT]. All the three of us had to complete three consecutive jumps. According to the facilitator, we did a great job because we were fast. Well, maybe, if we just ran instead of walk, we could have reached about 3rd place instead of 5th or 6th.

After the tiring Amazing Race, we had lunch break. Fortunately, by then, our group has already bonded so it was not really hard to converse with any member. We had a satisfying meal during lunch (or were we just too hungry?:P) consisting of fried chicken, bland tasting mixed-veggies and rice. There was soup served and chocolate cupcake for dessert. After all the eating-slash-bonding moments, we had the Group Discussion. We talked about everything that happened during and after the "Team Building Activity." Then came the Open Forum, another break, speech (by Mr. Nakamura) and the most dreaded, "Commitment Ceremony."

Overall, I cannot believe I actually enjoyed this event so much and this allowed me to develop more confidence in myself and the things I am capable of accomplishing. Moreover, the room full of strangers became a room full of friends.

2007-05-24T09:30:00.000+08:00

After a day of no computer, I am happy to have my CPU back-- I think I got it busted because of over-use. Hehe. Well, don't blame me, it's too boring here at home; there is nothing much to do instead of eating, watching TV, internet, reading and the cycle goes over again. Talk about being saved from boredom.

As I am typing down my thoughts, my ears are listening to something else-- American Idol. Blake's and Jordin's performances are incredible, I don't know who'll win between them but I am hoping for 17-year-old Sparks to bag that American Idol title. Please, oh please. I will be needing big support over here because obviously, Blake has gotten most of the crowd. Still again, tomorrow will be the finale, so it's a must for me to watch.. I need to know who will win and so do you. :)

Last night, I got a chance to watch a part of ETC's "Search for the Next Doll." It was one of the harshest reality shows I've seen. The comments of the choreographer came as a hard, cold slap on Chelsea's face and there was a boiling anger between her and Melisa S. (I don't know if this is scripted or pure reality.) Wow, too much for being part of the Pussycat Dolls-- they do get too competitive and end up hurting each other (emotionally and verbally).

Anyway, sunny summer days are almost completely over-- drizzling rain and thunders take over. Though I'm going to miss the lazy, hot afternoons, I think I'm going to love the cool breeze of the wind. :) A fun week ahead to ya'll.

I am a Lit Nerd

2007-05-19T10:48:00.000+08:00

Let's talk about.. books.

All throughout summer, I've been in good company with some of the latest pop books. I had the chance to add some great authors to my "favorites" list-- these include: Carolyn Mackler, Jessie Elliot and Cara Lockwood. In addition, I also fed my mind with some "self-help" books like "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens" and "The Teenage Book of Manners.. Please"Sadly though, on my part, I haven't started the Summer Home Reading Program which is required for this schoolyear. I don't really have that much interest in classics and definitely, Shakespeare's language is a pain for my brain-- his lines are unbearable. Oh well, here's when a good website comes in handy. On another part, all incoming sophies of our school will also have to read Chinua Achebe's, "Things Fall Apart." Beat that! After everything, completion of the Summer Home Reading Program Report Sheet is a MUST. (Wow, goodluck to me.)

I am just wondering why we don't get a chance to have "pop" books instead of classics, when afterall, they attract interest to most students my age. Come to think about it, would you rather read a Shakespeare original or some book you can fully relate to? Tell me.. Tell me.

Anyway, all this book-reading blahblah just reminds me of how soon school will start-- exactly a month from now. Well, I have done half of my school supplies shopping and spent quite a considerable amount. I am thinking of saving though.. choosing cheaper alternatives because I feel guilty of spending too much of my parents' money. On the other hand, I'm thinking of my "goals" and "aspirations" for sophomore year-- I am aiming for really good grades and hopefully eradicate my cramming habit. Also, lessen my usage of gadgets like this computer and my phone. I am sure it will be quite a challenge but what is life without challenges anyway, right??

Madness

2007-05-18T10:01:00.000+08:00

This day is one of the most disappointing day of my entire life. I just simply cannot accept the fact that Melinda Doolittle is out of American Idol. I used to be so sure that she would be in the finals and successfully make it into being the American Idol. I mean, what the hell, she was too good for the others; it was like she was on a different level: a higher level and Simon even likes him-- what could go wrong. Votes? Votes! Definitely. Well, congratulations to the "Blake" fans out there, he's in the finals together with my secondary choice (after Doolittle), Jordin Sparks. I just hope, desperately hope that this time, Jordin would win-- she has a really big chance into being this season's American Idol. Anyway, enough of the ranting, past is past and even though Melida Doolittle is off American Idol, her singing career is just beginning! I wish her luck on that.

Finally

2007-05-17T07:04:00.000+08:00

After long weeks of hibernation, I think I'm ready to make a decent post.

I don't know exactly where I left the conversation but let me start all over AGAIN. As you can see, I just came up with a newly experimented blogskin-- it was just because of my great facination and excitement to try the new brushes I've managed to download via some website (forgot ;p). Anyway, thank you Cam for teaching me how.

As much as I want to keep this blog alive, I can't seem to come up with appropriate and juicy stories to rant about: simply because of the absence of "fun" &&& "adventure." If you ask me to rate this summer based on vacation trips, frankly I'd dub it as something dull; but if you ask me to rate this summer based on activities I'm engaged in, I'd yell "overheat." Well, this is the only summer wherein I've not maximized the open slots for a family vacation. Everyone at home just seems to be.. boring-- I blame Mr. Scorching Sun for that.. very inconsiderate of him to give out harmful rays. Good enough, activities keep me intact. I didn't go through soccer training this year, and maybe that's what's new. For one, I have no one to go with and two, I just can't stand the heat (when we join competitions). So, my soccer shoes are collecting cobwebs right now (eww.. ;p) and my recently-bought Nike soccerball is deflating. Well, in addition (to the activities), I also have badminton training, piano lessons and dreaded Kumon. Ack. And, here's something new, I'm enrolled to ice-skating lessons. I don't know exactly how I got myself into this mess but I remember agreeing to my two sisters, provided with the condition that I'd only get training for 4 sessions. Whew. If you ask me how is it, I'd say, "it's like dragging my fat a** on ice." Well, it's pretty scary because it is slippery once you get inside the rink and when someone falls, it's like a domino effect. Fortunately, I have one LAST session to deal with and I'm off; last meeting on Monday.

So now, I guess you'd believe me when I say that I'm busy because I really am. I can't believe it but I'm itching for school to start. Maybe, boredom's a good thing-- I mean, it makes me want to crave for something productive to do. Well, for another, I can't believe that I've gained an incredible amount of weight-- puffy cheeks, fatty thighs, drum-like belly. My Mom's even budging me to lose weight and really, really watches out for anything I take in. Sad but true, no pain.. no gain.

Oh well. Hope you guys enjoy the rest of your summer. Ciao.

Barefoot in Zambales

2007-05-01T07:52:00.000+08:00

The previous week was a week full of adventure, bonding and basically, fun, fun, fun! I had the chance to visit Zambales which was a total xanadu. Although I got my ass stuck on the chair for almost the whole six hours of travel, I do not regret (not even a pinch) going to such a place. With all the 60++ people we were with (mind you, it was the whole of my Dad's co-workers and workers), the entire trip was such a superb-- we even got Trinidad Bay Resort all by ourselves. Well, it wasn't really a Boracay-type of beach with white sand and fishes swimming along rather it was black sand, with a few fishes and LOTS of jellyfish (I mean it.. LOTS!). Oftentimes, I would even find one as big as my fist, swimming just in front of me. Well, the place was a long stretch of shore, extending to I'm-not-sure-exactly-how-long kilometers. And lots of crabs (baby crabs) inhabit the shore.

From Trinidad Bay Resort you can already see Potipot Island which was a ten-minute boat ride away-- so you can just imagine how near it was. Potipot was different because of its white sand and clear waters-- a pretty good place for snorkling (but not much fish is found). A circumferencial walk of the island only took about 15-20 minutes. It was really small and no infrastructure was allowed to be built on the site. But then again, lots of jellyfish (even bigger than those found in Trinidad) inhabit the water.

The 3-day 2-night stay in Zambales brought about an indescribable feeling of contentment mixed with wonder and awe as I got the chance to experience a very different angle of what the Philippine waters have to offer. It was indeed a literal turning-your-back occurence from the hustle and bustle of normal city life; and it was indeed a break from the scorching heat of the Manila sun. This one, my readers, is of the perfect moments of my summer life.

Nonsense Scribbles

2007-04-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

Long credit due to my ever abandoned blog. I'm working my ass up on another UNproductive day. Well, the morning was productive but the latter moments suck. I planned a whole new adventure this day but nothing really worked because I just added carbo to my ever-fat body. Right. I just ate my heart out all the way-- always regretting the foods I ate as I finished one meal after another. Beat that, fellahs! I've grown a lot, I believe. Grown HORIZONTALLY that is. My Mom's getting mad seeing me with a drum-like tummy. She said that if I don't suck it in, she'll gladly offer to be my personal exercise trainer. No way, please. I don't want to suffer under the commands of a STRICT (real strict) trainer. Thanks, anyway.

I'm itching to hit the beach. I can't believe that it's about mid-April and I still haven't gone to any beach. I've heard my Dad talk about a trip to Cebu (again) and Singapore with some of our family friends but nothing well-planned came out. As usual, only tentative vacation trips. If these push through, my summer will then start officially some time this May. Oh, how late! Nonetheless, I'm thankful that at least we're starting off with plans already. My, oh, my.

My summer's been more on the culinary side. You know, with all the cooking. I can't believe I'm working my way through the kitchen and I'm midway through familiarizing the art of cooking. I'm not really the type who'd actually want to know the story behind all the sumptuous meals, but look, here I am trying to serve myself (independently) a good, satisfying meal. Kudos to me! At least I've made some improvements on my, let me again say, unproductive summer.

Lately, I've been burning my ears to OPM. It's just been one hell of a summer and so I'd rather just listen to good music. No offense, but Filipino bands do get to progress. I'm starting to love more our own Filipino music. Good starters, if you ask me. Can make it real big one day in the music industry. Well, crossed-fingers on that. Hopefully, though.

It's the weekend once again. A week of nonsense is almost over. Almost. I've been a lazy, lazy lass. I'm not happy admitting it though but that's just the bitter truth. I've been locked up in the house and I'm really itching to get out. Oh well. I just have make the best of opportunities I have right now. Well, it's one hell of a life out there, whatcha think??

A Series of Unfortunate Events

2007-04-12T05:19:00.000+08:00

For three consecutive weeks, I believe I have been experiencing a sequence of "karma attacks." It started out two Sundays ago, when my family and I were busy spending quality time with my grandparents (mother's side). We started the day right, heard mass; ate out; did shopping; and from there, I didn't even feel a tinge of unpleasant occurance coming my way. But reality then struck. My "feelings" weren't even that close to safety. Some time past three in the afternoon, my Dad (since he departed ways, stating that he just had to meet someone in a cafe) called Mum and said that someone broke into our house. My heart pounded five times louder and ten times faster. My knees were even trembling and my hand shaking as I reached for the bag containing the eye masks I bought from Velvet Rose. We raced back to Figaro (if I'm not mistaken) to meet my Dad and my Grandparents suggested that we go home right away. On the way home, the car was so silent-- it was like haven. Only, it was a haven of worries and mishaps. Everyone was busy thinking what things were left and whether or not the house, with its contents, were smashed to pieces. AND no one even knew what happened to the "maid." When we arrived, my grandparents (father's side) were there examining the possible evidences of what has caused the break-in and carefully interviewing the maid who was said to be "hypnotized"-- she claimed it herself. Weird thing is, she didn't even apologize for the fact that there was no trace of "forced" break-in because she welcomed the thief. WTF??? Well, good enough, nothing was taken. Obviously, the thief was after the master's bedroom which could not be opened unless you had the right key. It was double-locked, FYI. So, that's pretty good.

Right now, we do not even have the facts for the thief but we surely did fire the maid because there was a second thought seeping into our minds that she might have known the guy for she allowed him to come in the house.

Second mishap was a busted tire (which felt like losing the brakes of our van) as we were on our way to Baguio, ruling the streets of NLEX. The fact that it was past midnight made it sound a whole lot creepier. But then again, the good thing is, we landed safe on the side just exactly at the back of an NLEX patrol. Whew! Twenty minutes was all it took to repair the busted tire. But hours it took to find a twenty-four hour vulcanizing shop-- in Pangasinan.

Last but not the least AND the most recent, was a car accident which involved my brother, his wife, my grandparents (father's side) and my goddaughter, Sam. It occured only yesterday upon the streets of Cainta. A drunken FX driver tried to cut in the way and my brother didn't like it for he was with his daughter, Sam. But then, the FX driver went out and tried to start a fight with my brother and soon took out a "tubo" He used this to hit my brother's back while my Grandpa ran after the "drunkard" and tried to hit him with his stick but then, he was pushed stumbling on the street. My grandma called my Dad but we were still in Starbucks (GreenHills), very far away from Cainta. So, my Dad called my Uncle who immediately went to rescue. Not long, we were also on the way to the Bagong Ospital ng Cainta (I think) wherein we saw my brother with his back bruised and bleeding. My Grandpa had a bruise too on his left wrist. My Grandma was suffering from High Blood Pressure and needed someone someone to cool her down. I saw the drunkard who was also badly bleeding but I did not feel a tinge of sorry for him. If he was just considerate enough that there was a baby in the car, he would have stopped. But, he didn't. It was all stupid of him. And him having hurt my family, leaves a great amount of anger in my blood.

I do not really know whether all this was karma or I was just really jinxed. But I sure hope that nothing this severe would happen anymore. Supposedly, we were to enjoy the night for it was my Mum's birthday but as to how it turned out, it was one of the challenging moments of my life-- I just didn't know what to expect. Maybe, this is all a call. Maybe, there was really some moral behind it. But that "maybe" is surely a great mystery.

Well, this is to the much owed update of my forgotten blog. I get so preoccupied with unimportant activities lately. So far, summer's bored me to death but I'm trying as much to please myself with tv and junk-- just kidding.

Finally, report cards were given out-- a huge sigh of relief. I do know that my grades aren't that pleasing this year but I guess I've done pretty good during my "adjustment" stage. Moreover, I'm trying as much to do a whole lot better this coming school year-- call me a nerd, if that's what you think. I do not care. For as long as I know I did my best and pushed myself to reach my actual potentials, I am already satisfied.

Now, I am OFFICIALLY bidding goodbye to my freshman year!! Enjoy summer, ya'll :)

Retarded Freshie, Aspiring Chef

2007-03-24T09:27:00.000+08:00

For three weeks, our cook and one of our helpers will be out. My parents are frantically searching for a temporary replacement which would fill in her absent slots. And sad to say, up to now we don't have anyone to help out. So, I'd probably be forced to do household chores for three whole weeks. Tiring but maybe it's worth the experience.

Days before our cook/helper left, I volunteered myself to help prepare and cook the food. For a while, I was enjoying the all sautéing and mixing of spices. Well, it was really fun but it kind of makes you perspire since you're exposed to heat for quite some time (specially now that summer's blazing heat is invading the Philippines). Anyway, I manage to cook the two and only meals I know (how to prepare): breaded porkchop and cream of chicken. I also tried to cook breakfast for my two sisters and it went pretty much okay. Good thing they only demanded omelette for breakfast-- nothing really too grand. Whew. So far, I'm pretty much getting the hang of cooking. It's better and more exciting doing the actual thing than just sitting and watching someone cook the food.

Well, I know for a fact that I'm not a pretty good chef-- I mean, in terms of cooking. I'm used to reheating food through microwave and my Mum's kind of getting angry because I would do things almost always in an instant. She wants me to try doing things the other way around-- the harder way. And so, here I am, a retired freshie, aspiring to be a chef. She claimed that since I'm not doing anything that productive this summer, might as well do household chores and learn to cook. My Mum's a really good cook but I don't think I got her genes and it's not really my kind of thing. I'd rather strain my eyes and waste time than do anything productive. I mean, hell c'mon, I've been doing quite "productive" things since June 13 `til March 21. I surely, direly need a break right?? But good enough, this cooking thing is a bit fun. So, it shooes boredom away (but only for a moment).

I couldn't believe that I made my way through freshman year. I couldn't be any happier than this! No more scary teachers, no more homeworks, quizzes, projects. Hell yeah, let's all rejoice. But then again, I have boredom to deal with every single day of every week and every second of every minute of every hour. I AM SO DAMN BORED. Hopefully, everything's going to change once I get control of my dull, messy life. I probably need to get out. Anyone wanna hang out with me??:)

BLANK MIND

2007-03-21T04:49:00.000+08:00

Just approximately 9 months back, I got a first feel of what High School was all about-- new crowd, new people, new stricter teachers, new building, etc. And from there, I knew it was going to be a NEW BEGINNING. True enough, it offered unlimited homeworks and projects even if you do not subscribe to them-- they are like packages which come free whenever you enroll. Thing is, this type of unlimited NEVER expires. It goes on all throughout the schoolyear. And that's what's different about High School. Almost everything you dislike is unlimited. What else are unlimited? Let see.. Count in boring lectures, numerous sermons and yeah, rules, rules, and mooooore rules. I just can't wait to take a break from all these. They simply drive me nuts.

Well, for a fact, HS gave me a new atmosphere to deal with everyday. Once we were like the head princesses of gradeschool, now we are the "babies" of the HS body. But this would soon come to an end too since there's a new batch coming.. we had our turn and they are now next in line.

My freshman school life will officially end tomorrow, as soon as we hear the bell rung signaling the conclusion of the final test. I am so excited and I cannot wait anymore. I can't wait to get a glimpse of this year's summer and just basically, waste my time. No school-related activities to bother me anymore. This would be HEAVEN.

Because of too much excitement and thoughts about what activities I have to engage in this summer, I am not patient enough to study anything related to Filipino or Algeb. I am simply not that much grade conscious because it's the end of the schoolyear, afterall. I do not want to be preoccupied with studies. I let my mind free anyway, and there's no point of conditioning it all back. I already made my share of "good-study-habbits" and their off to rest until sy2007-2008 starts again. For two months, I will officially be free from the chain of torment. I will, once again, experience life the way I should. NO school= fun

*sigh*

I went to school a while ago without being equipped with appropriate knowlede about CLE or AP. I just went on, answering the test with the things I fully remember. For sure, I'd get a "not-so-pleasing grade" but I hope I will pass. If it was 80 something, I'd already be happy for myself. As of now, I am not expecting any grand, line-of-9 grade. I'll be contented with an, hm.. let's presume, 86.

CLE was more on testing one's common sense. But the thing is, I DON'T HAVE COMMON SENSE. So practically, I've got numerous mistakes already. (Don't even bother to ask me how many.) The essay part really tested me-- not actually in constructing, but in the manner of analyzing what it's asking of me to do.

AP was.. simply.. HARD. Well, I guess that's what you get when you spare precious golden time on the computer rather than opening and rereading your notes. I didn't expect it to be that challenging either. But, it simply was. We had questions about topics we discussed during the first quarter and too bad, I have very poor memory so I just made useless guesses. (Useless because I'm sure I wouldn't get it right anyway.)

All this recap about tests just make me feel upset. I'd still go to school tomorrow without studying. Tsk, tsk. Bad, very bad me. Well, I've done my share of being a "good student" so it's basically the opposite this time around. Fair enough. I just wish tomorrow's test will not be as challenging as the ones we took today. If that happens so, I'll be roasted by my grades. Oh well. I hope they're not really "at risk" at this moment.

*sigh*

Life is really challenging. School is challenging. Freshman year is challenging. Tests are challenging. Algeb and Filipino WILL BE challenging tests tomorrow.
I.CAN.FEEL.IT. :

Eek. Last day tomorrow as well as iFour class party. Can't wait to end all these tests.

Ciao.

Indolent

2007-03-20T07:06:00.000+08:00

All these long afternoons make me want to put an official end to freshman year. I don't want to spend time studying anymore-- too indolent to do that. I don't care much about my grades either, it's fourth quarter anyway. Point taken: I'm just too lazy to do anything productive at the moment. Afterall, this hot March afternoon invites me to just doze off to sleep or rather strain my eyes of this computer.

Since I'm not actually getting serious with today's post, let me just give a rundown on what happened between me and my test papers. English was pretty much okay but I'm still not into constructing essays. I mean, it all gets serious when it comes to tests-- you'd have to watch out for grammatical errors, proper punctuation, capitalization, etc. Basically, there's not much room for errors. Anyway, Science was easier than expected. I didn't thoroughly study. I just made a quick scan on my notes and LP and practically went to school without even opening the book. I relied on what I know and remember and frankly, I think it all went well (except on the "True or False" part. I had a pretty hard time distinguishing and analyzing). Well, I do not really expect a good grade after all the unproductive things I've been doing. TeeHee. I just wish all this studying would drift apart and I won't be bothered with grades anymore.

OH WELL. 2 tests down. CLE and AP tomorrow. Cross your fingers. Imma fail, fo sho!:))

Let's Savor the Moment

2007-03-19T09:50:00.000+08:00

Schoolyear 2006-2007 is almost officially over. Break, baby. Summer break. Only six friggin tests are left and three hell days to go. Soon, I'll be off to summer. Well, my mind is not in its proper function anymore and I couldn't focus on studying because I'm preoccupied with thoughts about summer-- the places I have to visit, the activities I am to engage in, the delicious food I'm going to dig in but most importantly, the ten pounds (WTF???) I have to lose all throughout this summer. Can you imagine? I think I'm slowly but surely killing myself-- I definitely cannot stop eating. But I HAVE TO. I really have to. So HELP ME, ya'll. :)

Anyway, freshman year is almost over and I'm so happy to say that there are only three days left. I envy those who are on vacation already but nonetheless, ours will be here soon (and I'm so eager to get a feel of it). I cannot bear with the fact that in just a number of hours, it will be the last Monday for this schoolyear. Yes baby! And for the meantime (just this summer), I'm not going to hate Mondays anymore. (I'm sure you wouldn't either :P)

Well, well, well, there's nothing much more to say. My mind's too blank and I want to do even just a quick browse for Science. I loath Biology so much but my grades for both the UT's will be useless if I don't make a good mark this QT. Hm, English is totally not my thing. I think Science will be worth wasting my time with.

God Bless to all those taking their final exams and for all those free from their school walls, have a happy vacation. Good night, world.

Slipping Away

2007-03-11T10:03:00.000+08:00

School's almost out. Summer's soon going to knock on my door. Welcome bright sun rays; welcome cold icy fruit shakes/drinks; welcome top beach destinations; welcome mouth-watering delicacies; welcome lazy ass me; welcome HOT SUMMER DAYS. Officially, it's soon goodbye sleepless nights; goodbye homeworks/projects; goodbye boring lectures; goodbye scary tea chers; goodbye classroom; goodbye bedtime; goodbye tests and quizzes. NO MORE SCHOOL IN 8 DAYS. I'm counting and I'm always excited as I put 1 finger down.

Since it's almost the end of the schoolyear, I believe this week will be the moment of great pressure. I'm not really armed nor am I ready to face the finals. Scared and brainless is what I am currently. Hopefully, I can pull my grades somehow even just by few points. Just hopefully.

Anyway, this is just a quick update. I'm not going to emphasize. Sunday tomorrow. Monday in a couple of days. Sucky. Whoops. Shouldn't complain, it's Lent. I'll learn to sacrifice. Peace ya`ll.

When School Bugs You Too Much

2007-03-02T11:23:00.000+08:00

I've never, ever in my whole school life experienced great cramming. Last night, I've been up until 12 midnight due to the proposal on Zero Waste Management in Mall of Asia (for Environmental Education) which I believe will just end up as trash anyway. I mean, the mall wouldn't actually use it.. would they? I'd probably be too amazed if they were to do so. Afterall, the proposal kind of seemed too simple (and dull at the same time). There is nothing that can totally interest the management and the costumers. With technology and conveniences offered to people today, the idea on segregating trash, especially in malls, would just be too "ancient old" for them-- in other words, it's not their kind of thing. Yet, I'm happy that there are still a handful who show their deep concern for the current situation of the environment.

After all the hardwork I put behind editing and formatting the proposal; doing another APA research paper version; straining my eyes of the computer; squeezing my brain with the appropriate vocabulary alternatives; and staying up late (as well as waking up real early) the reporting of our group was pushed to next week. Too much also for the cramming of practices during Recess wherein we actually did only the chorus parts, then dismissed. The whole idea was crammed, sad to say. It's the fourth quarter and I'm getting lazier and lazier as the days go by. Mind you, exactly 14 more days left before this freshman schoolyear ends. *Cheers* Now, we're so close to experiencing the heat of the sun and hitting the beach is soon a MUST. God, the idea of all these things make me feel restless. Some days, my mind even wanders into what things I'll be engaging in and where summer will be taking me this time. Hopefully, it will be full of fruitful experiences.

Anyway, it's the first of MARCH. The day was partly good and partly bad. I came to school without studying for our English Mid-Quarter Test and there's no doubt that I will fail it. I'm serious; everything seemed so blurred to me. I had a hard time understanding the vocabulary; recalling the things we discussed in class; and explaining what was on my mind (during the essay part). Totally sucks. Maybe, my staying-up-too-late last night contributed to the downfall of my English Test. I'm going to be doomed. My hardwork for English for this whole schoolyear will be zapped off in just two numbers-- two failing numbers. I'll find it hard to forgive myself if it happens to be so.

Now, down to the good side. Science test results were given out. For the first time of my freshman year, I broke my record of pattern of grades ranging from 89-90. Since the first quarter, it's always been 89-90-89 (for Science Tests UT1-UT2-QT). But this time, I got an awfully good grade. Yahs, babeeeh! Pardon me for being too happy, but it's seldom that I get this kind of grade for Integrated Science I. So, it's still a pretty good start for March-- well, not counting the hardship I encountered during the English test.

So, as you can see, I have a new skin. Kind of similar to the old one too, uh? Good enough, I found time to renew it and exactly did on the first of March. Anyway, maybe, it'll also take a while before I actually make a new one. We'll see how long it can stay.. :)

Oh yeah, SCAA elections tomorrow. I still don't know who exactly to vote. Bummer. X)

Everything is Vague

2007-02-19T16:54:00.001+08:00

It's a real sh*tty world out there, uh?? You don't know exactly what type of stupid experiences life has in store for you. I hate that fact about life. I hate it that you couldn't get the things you wish for all the time. Once karma sets in and breaks into something, it totally makes your life extremely miserable. Like, right now. I don't want to be totally affected by this certain matter but I'm totally squished in the middle. I wish I had a... well... a better life, let's just say it generally. But it's so sucky right now. I wish I HAVE MY OWN LIFE. It's so depressing to think about it. Not only did it affect/strike me, but someone as well. I hope people (and that person in particular) will be open-minded, even just for now. It's true. SH*T DOES HAPPEN and it struck me right smack in my face this time. So sweet. OUCH!

Anyway, while I try to forget about this matter and trash all the drama, let's try to reminisce the event of this day. Good enough, it was shortened periods, and only thirty-minutes per subject basis. Whew. Atleast, not much of tiring Monday.. but still a bit challenging. Algebra was always on top of everyday class schedule. Just imagine our faces seeing Math on the board for first period it the morning. Totally depressing. We didn't do much for AP-- just a few discussions and filling-up-of-LP's and we're off to recess.

Maybe the highlight for this day was P.E. Right, i-four? Well, P.E. is (almost) always the BEST during Mondays especially now that we're having swimming. It's just basically fun taking a dip in the water (although I somehow loathe Practical Tests) and swim your heart out (wtf??;p) with Mr. Sun's totally damaging ultra-violet rays hitting your skin badly (ouch!). We swim whenever the sun is at its peak. Tsk, tsk. I have very terrible tan lines. Sucks.

Well, we also discussed the movie Pay It Forward for Alay Kapwa. Thinking about the events was depressing because of the tragic ending. There was actually a spoiler on the internet. Good enough, I was able to watch it (courtesy of my left-mate: Advento). Overall, it was good and a very inspiring film. I cried. I really cried three times. :')

Unfortunately, I still couldn't forget about the drama and the serious matter enveloping me right now. I am trying as much not to succumb to it. I WANT TO FORGET IT but it is something HARD to forget. I have a terrible life.. I am ALL A MISTAKE. I know I hate being to dramatic. But it's only here that I can confide all these things (aside from my sister, Tania). Well, I'll just pray for that person. I'll pray for him/her every single night. It's all safe here, I'm very, very sure he/she does not read my blog, afterall. >:)

SH*T HAPPENS and it will forever be haunting me.

I just hope you guys had a pretty good start of school week. Forgive me for giving such violent remarks but I'm having a pretty hard time. My life sucks big time, I hope yours is way, way better.

Counting the Days before I Dash Off

2007-02-19T10:04:00.000+08:00

There'll be 23 more days left and it's *drumroll* summer break. My dull life will soon take a shift from the boring school moments and encounters. Yay! I will stay up late for other reasons-- late American soaps perhaps or just plainly watching my favorites, Entertainment Tonight and The Insider. Alongside with this, I have to be thinner and slimmer. I'm kind of gaining weight at the moment, and it sucks big time. I've tried to stick with an all-oatmeal diet which starts from breakfast up until dinner. Sometimes, I'd have cereal breaks in between. But I soon found out, that without meat/fish I'll not be as productive and wouldn't have enough energy to go on in school. I wish someone will invent portable microwaves. That way, I'll be able to eat my Quaker Oats anytime, anywhere. *knock, knock* Portable microwaves anyoneeeeeee?

This was just like any other weekend. Sunday is the culmination of all and the REST DAY. I like waking up during Sunday mornings-- having that bright sunny Mr. Sunshine lighting up your window. But still, towards the afternoon I feel so disappointed because it'll soon be Monday again-- start of another hell-ish devil-ish week. As you know (must know), I hate Mondays. I absolutely hate Mondays. Oh wait, did I say I hate Mondays???

Soon, it'll be back to reality-- back to tragic homeworks, deadly projects and boring lectures. For the previous weeks, I've been trying as much to fight my sleeping habits during class hours. Well, I've actually not slept in class before but ALMOST always on the verge to. You know the time wherein you're eyelids are uncontrollably slipping down and your mind is blank? You slap your face to wake yourself up but it only takes effect for a couple of seconds. You make that "1-sign (the one pointing the ceiling ;p)" indicating that you're asking permission to go to the washroom but you end up, washing your face all over again. That, my friends, is what I do especially during.... Nevermind, it doesn't matter much to know which subject I ALMOST always fall asleep. Conduct a survey in our class, you'd probably get the right answer in no time.

Love month is soon going to be over. We'll be starting March in just a few days. And school will be off pretty soon. *Cheers* I' m itching for long, lazy afternoons just staying at home, doing movie marathons-- one hand holds the remote; and the other then reaches out for a share of popcorn, cheetos or a drink. I love wasting time during summer, especially when there's nothing to do. Well, I sometimes doze off to sleep but that rarely happens. Most of the time, I'm straining my eyes of this computer, carefully updating and doing whatever has to be accomplished. Sure enough, I also grab a good book to read. Oh well. Speaking of books, Carolyn Mackler is such a good author. It's a pleasure to have her series. I actually spent my savings on her books (Vegan Virgin Valentine; Love and other Four Letter Words; The Earth, My Butt and Other Big Round Things) which cost P439.00/book. I know it's quite expensive but you'll really love the way she does her writing. I dig in her characters and it's simply hard to put the book down. In fact, I rushed reading Canal de la Reina (which is a required book for Filipino) just so I could start reading Carolyn Mackler's books. Definitely tempting but it's such a good read.

Anyway, off to previous gigs. I skipped school last Valentine's Day and missed a couple of classes. Good enough, just a couple. I didn't wish to do so but my parents wanted to have this "family-bonding" day with everyone. So, we went out and hung out at Cibo. Afterwards, we watched Ghost Rider which was satan-ish evil movie. But, I fell so inlove with Eva Mendes. Latinas are beautiful and their men are indiscribably H-O-T. I want to have a Latino Boyfriend when I grow up. Yeah riiiiight. I wissssssh! Moving on, the movie was a whole lot freaky than I expected. The characters were monsters-- well, most of them were. But overall, it was nice (because Eva Mendes was there ;p).

Yesterday, Hannah and I went to the LSGH fair. We looked so stupid and funny because we didn't really know which way and where to go. Mind you, it was just our first time to go there. (Yeah, I know. Losers, okay?? With the capital "L" and all ;p) We got victimized by the kiss mark and we had to pay twenty bucks each. Bummer. But, it was okay. In the evening we watched their Variety/Fashion Show. I liked Bloomfields `cause they sang this song which was part of the movie, "50 First Dates." Hm, Sugarfree's lead singer was so comfortable on stage that he did weird and kinda stupid antics but it was all for fun. Well, we watched the fashion show too and it was okay. Nothing really extravagant happened but I was with *him*. Oh well, I don't think I have to emphasize much. It's up for you to find out, fellaaaahs.

*sigh*

Test week this week. Crammed quizzes and boring lectures are to invade. I need a boost to help me get on with school. Just 23 more days and we're off, on a happy (hopefully) and fruitful summer vacation. Eek. No exact plans where to go yet. I don't think it'll be one of the best summers for me. Oh well. Atleast I get a big break from all these exhausting schoolwork. I can't actually imagine being a sophomore yet. Please god, no. Not yet. I'm too pressured here in my freshman year.. what about sophomore???? x__X Oh well. Hope you guys had a happy weekend. God bless us this hell-ish week. Oh yeah, Happy Chinese New Year. Whoo! Go Piiiiiiiig.

Welcome to Love Month

2007-02-03T13:01:00.000+08:00

Oh yes, dear! It's love month already. Wow, time flies so fast indeed. It's the second month for this year and that also means, only about a month or so will be left for my HS freshman year.

Love month and I'm loveLESS. Well, not really. I'm just a little bit confused at the moment. Well, I'm sure February will be the shortest yet most excitng month. Hopefully. I've got three consecutive weekends planned and I hope there will be nothing to interupt my schedule. I would gladly take a break from all the stress I feel in school.

A while ago, we had shortened periods and it rocked. Although we had very short time for recess and lunch, it was a good thing because subjects were cut down to thirty-five minutes each. But I was really challenged during Filipino class because we had to draw "Canal de la Reina" and I really suck in drawing. It was due at the end of the day so I had no choice but to submit a project not even good enough to beat a kindergarten student's drawing. Definitely, no talent in that. English was great. We got a perfect score even though we didn't really prepare for the presentation. Well, I guess the mat did its thing.

Anyway, tomorrow <3 Lunchmates will be going to AHS together. Yaaahs, baaby!:) Sadly, that means, I will be missing training and piano lessons. Well, slash that "sadly" out. I think I will be rejoicing this time. For once...

Have a pleasant weekend, world. Good Night.

Little Surprises

2007-02-02T10:20:00.000+08:00

As expected, we had a grasp of our Report Cards (for the third quarter) today. It was distributed by our last period teacher, which just made a nice day turn out to be a bit gloomy. Of course, scores went down but generally, I think it has been my best performance when compared to the first and second quarter. Although, I actually denied my unbelievable RHGP grade (because I am really so talkative in class), I think I'll keep it for now. Afterall, it's not always that I get a grade like this in High School.

My Math grade never fails to make me smile. I thought I wouldn't make it this year because I had a wee bit of a hard time adjusting with Ms. H's style of teaching. But, as to how it turned out to be, I think my "trying to understand her ways" paid off. Now, English always decreases by a point every quarter. I hope it won't do so this time or else I'll be totally depressed because I've worked hard to maintain such a target grade. AP and almost all the others went down. But generally, it was all good. I never expected my third quarter grades to be that pleasing but God is sooooo Good that he gave me these. I'll really take school seriously this quarter. (God, pray for me :P)

Still, my Dad is NOT satisfied with my grades. Here comes sermons again. He never ever fails to give me that every quarter. God, I'm so feeeeed uuuup. He doesn't know what type of hardwork I'm putting in. Sheesh.

Anyway, I did the reflection for the gospel a while ago. And yes, my knees and hands trembled like H-E-L-L. They were obviously uncontrollable. I have never managed to be confident in front of a crowd and I DO have to put much more effort on that.

Well, as you can see, I'm trying to bring to life AGAIN my previously (quite) abandoned blog. :) I hope I get to keep it updated.

Oh yeah, a HAPPY FEBRUARY to everyboooody! It's love month. Oh lalalalalala loooove:)

Saved Up All My Drama

2007-01-29T03:09:00.000+08:00

I haven't posted for about a month or so. School and laziness held me back from updating. I hardly even know how to update properly. My ability to write (if there really was) sank down into the negative degree just because I wasn't used to writing anymore. Even compositions in school tend to give me a hard, very hard time to accomplish. I can't properly compose anymore.

Anyway, it's 2007 already and I practically have NO new year's resolution. I'll just feel upset in the end knowing that I couldn't actually achieve a certain degree of contentment. Still, I'm trying my best to be the person I wasn't during the previous year.

So much for my laziness, I have very low grades during the third quarter. Of course, I felt regret because I didn't take studying seriously that time. It sucks to have to study everyday, that's why. Yet, there are still those subjects wherein I sacrificed time just to review, but still flunked the tests. I wish I were still that responsible like last year, being able to achieve good grades. It's fourth quarter now and I'm trying to make up for my nasty grades. I know it's quite late and maybe, it wouldn't even bring much change but hopefully, I'll feel good about myself because I tried. That's what matters, afterall.

Saved Up All My Drama

2007-01-28T10:58:00.000+08:00

It's About Time

2006-12-22T03:35:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the very much delayed December post. I got pretty lazy in updating. Isn't that excusable??? A lot has happened. And when I say "A lot" I mean it. Sadly, my memory isn't fresh anymore. So, I wouldn't be able to get down deep into the tiniest detail.

Let's start off with the school production: Whose Garden Is It?. Well, it was okay. Not really that amusing to watch but according to my Mum, it was. Hm, I'm still not in total favor of that. All throughout though, the production went on smoothly. Of course, I got nervous during presentation and yes, I did make quite a number of mistakes. Whoops. But overall, it turned out well. Unexpectingly, a sister approached me and said that our number was what she liked because of the harmony of the music and she got a little bit fascinated about the instrument. Now I know that a recorder's not really that bad.

Just a couple of days ago, we had our Environmental Scan. We had an awesome trip to Brgy. Holy Spirit and Smokey Mountain. Believe me it took a while for us to reach these two destinations but Smokey Mountain, is way, way farther. In Brgy. Holy Spirit, we got to see vegetables and different plantations but since I'm not really interested in plants or flowers, I wasn't quite amazed by it. Now, Smokey Mountain was "the" challenge. Good enough, it wasn't as awful as I expected it to be. The mountain which used to be dumped with garbage was now flourishing with trees and grass, but still there was this "unidentified" liquid flowing down from the sides and it looked icky. Well, the people whom we interacted with were mostly kids-- my partner was actually only six years old. They warmly welcomed us and after a while, toured us around. We went into this small house where they sell bags which were made creatively by women and then we walked around the marketplace. There, that's where "the" challenge increases. In the marketplace, the smell was just unbearable. As much as I wanted to cover my nose and run back, I just couldn't because for sure, that will just insult them. So instead, I held back my breath and pretended to act normal. But really, the smell was just terrible and very much indescribable. What actually gave me hope during our trip (to Smokey Mountain) is the fact that the people there still manage to find joy and happiness despite sufferings they encounter. And for that, I salute them all.

On our way home, it was (as expected) traffic. Heavy traffic. So, out of boredom, some ifour students requested/made a shoutout on air (97.1) and it was cool hearing it on the radio. Of course, there were also some laugh trips but most of the time, it was quiet because people were obviously tired and exhausted from the encounter.

Yesterday was our vigil. We had to practice our vigil songs in the morning and that bore me. Totally. In the afternoon, I took a quick nap; ate early dinner; and proceeded to the assigned venues. I wasn't actually in the mood for a vigil because I was expecting myself to fall asleep while the others are still praying. Fortunately, that didn't happen so. Instead, I was able to pray sincerely but I cannot avoid the habit of playing with the wax of the candle. I got to sleep at around 1:30am and woke up at 3:00am. It was indeed just another nap. Soon, we had to get up and get ready for the Morning Praises and Dawn Mass. Another accomplishment here: I didn't fall asleep despite the fact that I was already wanting to.

So, today was the last mass for the year and when I go back, it'll be a whole new chapter of my life, again. I hope that there will be more colorful pages and memorable events taken note of. Christmas is fast approaching, I can hardly wait. An advance Merry Christmas to all.

I kiss my grades goodbye

2006-12-01T14:06:00.000+08:00

I feel totally depressed and down because there's no possibility of pulling my grades up anymore. (Now I'm being pessimistic but I guess that's already reality and I'd have to brace that fact.) IP had put much pressure on me lately. It sucks. Why do we actually have to device our own science projects when afterall, I'm too dumb to think of an ideal investigatory project (and after quite a while, it gets too boring to push through with experimentation)? Aside from this, we have countless of projects due and I just can't seem to detach from cramming.

No school today because of Reming-- supertyphoon. I'm hating but at the same time enjoying this long weekend. I hate it because it's going to be one massive typhoon which'll directly hit Luzon, to be exact Manila (I just pray that it'll atleast change direction. Please) and electricity might be down again, just like what happened with that of Milenyo. Sucky life without electricity. Also, I don't want a lot of people to suffer anymore. Plus, my dad's business is quite at risk because of all the typhoons hitting the country, one after another. Blame it to these insensitive typhoons. Anyhow, I feel pretty scared though just thinking about the fact that this (Reming) will be very much stronger than Milenyo and concerning that Milenyo toppled billboards and left uprooted trees, I guess now Reming will have the power to pull out a well-built house. Oh please, not Rizal.

Well, fair went on smoothly. Manning our booth was definitely fun because I get to see those people who have the guts of wearing our costumes. Kudos to you all! I couldn't remember exactly the little things that happened during the fair. Memory loss. But anyhow, it was so much fun because I got to hang out with my dear friends.

Hm, I guess my weekends going to be a little bit jampacked. I have to work manage things well this time. I'll also be praying for good weather and for Reming to be not much of a trouble anymore. I hope for everyone's safety.

Good night world. (Til my next update)

This Day's a MUST Love

2006-11-24T10:45:00.000+08:00

All hail to the ''all-day-for-preparation'' idea. Indeed, it shooed the subjects away and basically, all we did was to set up our booth. Actually, we even played jumping rope and heck, it was a lot of fun, although it actually gave me quite a headache probably because of intense heat. Well, it kind of drizzled some time in the afternoon and that made me a little bit depressed, but Mr Sun was good enough in pushing the heavy clouds away. Not long, it was sunny again.

Booth preparation was really exhausting because even though we had a tent, we still had to face the intense heat and mind you, there was like a sauna in there. I was burning like roasted chicken. No kidding. Anyhow, we managed to deal with Mr Sun. But honestly, I wasn't much of a helping hand today. Instead of preparing our booth, I kind of.. hm, let's say, roamed around. Oops! Was that too loud for everyone to heaaaar? Oh well. Really, I wasn't just that productive.

Most of my time was spent for watching the dancers' practices. And much to our boredom, we painted our nails. Nail polish courtesy of Camille and Gian. Of course, vain moments weren't to be missed. Took quite a number of pictures. But darn, I didn't bring a camera nor a phone so pictures are with my friends. Hm, let's wait. Maybe, I'll post it here the moment I save it in my computer.

For those who know (and still don't know), Assumption Antipolo's school fair, Cirque, will be tomorrow already. Do come if you can, and if you can't (boo-hoo), still try to come.

Well, I don't actually feel any bit of excitement-- I don't know why. Maybe, for one, I'm kind of running out of money so how the heck can you enjoy the fair without sufficient dosh? *sigh* Oh well, atleast the 'rents would still give me allowance. I think.

...

Still no sign of excitement. So, I guess I'll sleep soundly tonight. I just hope that, overall, the fair would be a success-- I kind of feel it will be, because I think it always is.

Oh yeah, I was hoping to get an "Assumptionista" t-shirt but unfortunately, I was too late. They already ran out! Boo-hoo.

Well, pray for good weather tomorrow. I hope it doesn't rain and I pray that it also wouldn't be too sunny for intense heat might just kill me in the middle of the field. I have morning and afternoon shifts but on Saturday, I don't have any (I guess) so that's kind of good on my part-- atleast it wouldn't be too tiring for me.

Hm, I'll hang out with my friends the whoooooooooooole day tomorrow so I know this'll be SO.MUCH.FUN.

And yeah, before I forget, I-2 and I-4's booth is "SHINDIG." Watch out! I will not be a catcher though, I'll be lazily hanging out in our booth doing responsibly my shift: dozing off to soundly sleep. Juuuuust kidding. I'll be the one who'll dress up those who dare to do the task. Yeah boy!

i think i don't care-- oops, think again

2006-11-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

After getting a glimpse of my dreadful second quarter grades, I have the sudden feeling of regret because I know I somehow neglected my studies. There were actually times wherein I'd accomplish a homework (or even a project) just a few minutes/hours before the deadline. I'm a perfect crammer, right? And now, what do I get? The friggin consequence and yes, it totally sucks. All of my grades went down except for Math which only went up by a damn point. Oh hell. This is life. I do something bad, I get something awful in return. I guess I'd have to focus more again on my studies this time because I really, really have to pull up my grades.

Fortunately enough, my parents were okay with the situation. I know that they're somehow disappointed though, just basing it from the smirk they gave me as soon as they made a top-to-bottom view of my grades. So, that puts a whooooooole lot of burden on me again. And I have to work harder, double-time to produce extra load. School really drives me nuts sometimes and my grades make me nerdy, but I feel that somehow I just have to do what is necessary.

I've just started memorizing fifty elements in the periodic table in their actual order. Mind you, I'm putting a lot of effort in this because the elements are like terrible tongue-twisters on the loose. Almost half-way through but I still have a long way to go. Also, I've finished my AP homework (Seeing my AP grade was kind of depressing. I should have done better.) and I'm really making up for all the opportunities I seemed to have thrown away the previous quarter.

Well, third quarter's going to be way, way short because of all the activities. The fair, the school productions, holidays, and the like. Speaking of which, the fair will be this week and I'm so excited. Variety show too. Lurve. For the school production, guess what, our batch will be playing the recorder. Boo-hoo. And for the holidays, I'm looking forward to it. Very much. I don't know why I crave much on vacations this time while last year I actually liked school and I used to love studying. Oh well, people DO change. I just hope I'd change for the better. Imma get my lazy self working.

Good night world.

NO, NO, NO

2006-11-15T11:10:00.000+08:00

Damn. Report Card Day tomorrow. This sucks. I have a low RHGP grade and yeah, actually all my grades went down. Way, way down. Phff.

Anyway, happy one year to my blog. I'd do a proper update as soon as I get rid of my lazy ass. Peace.

After a short-long vacay

2006-11-10T11:07:00.000+08:00

Wow. Time flies so fast. The sembreak seemed to have just passed by in 'whoosh' kind of way (if you get what I mean). I can't imagine we're back to torture and terror again. Demands of the school, you just can't escape.

A while ago, we had the school mass. Unfortunately, there was no long recess. According to Mrs. Aguilos, we didn't follow her instruction and we did quite a mess. So, we just ended up having the regular thirty-minute recess. Sucky, sucky. Afterwards, we proceeded to our venues for the parish thing. It feels kind of weird, really. Just after the saint's name per section plan was announced, here comes another religious event. I think it's probably because we failed the "How Catholic Is Your School School" survey which we filled up, months ago.

Anyhow, we had freaking subjects in the afternoon. Oh hell. But good enough, the day wasn't as hectic as our regular Thursday schedule would have, supposedly been.

Tomorrow's going to be Math Camp. Gotta love Math. Not. Can't imagine. A whole day devoted to nothing but damn numbers and operations. Talk about brain drain. I know I've got to get enough rest because tomorrow's going to require a lot of thinking. Stocked knowledge? Darn, I don't have it. Ha-ha.

We went home with eggs

2006-10-31T12:41:00.000+08:00

Intramurals ended last Saturday. Playing soccer made me feel happy despite the fact that we didn't win any game at all-- we did go home with EGGS. If you get what I mean. Eggs it is all the way. But it was a good experience though. I stumbled and I got bruises but I guess it's all part of the game and I had so much fun. GO FRESHIES!

When I woke up (Sunday morning), my body felt like hell. It hurt so much and I couldn't bend at all. I was feeling weak already but I forced myself to get out of bed because I still had to bring my iPod to Podium and watch my cousin's concert in SM City. And so it happened. We took off at 2pm. Upon reaching Podium, we went to Mobile 1 to get my iPod fixed. The guy there said that I had to bring it to SM Megamall but he offered to try fixing it in case the problem which occured is minor enough to be easily repaired. Fortunately, it only needed to be restored and nothing serious happened but heck, they had to erase all the data and that kind of sucked. Good enough, I was given an offer to upload songs from their iTunes there. And man, their computer was Jesse Metcalfe hot. ( iMac I gotta have you!) Grr. So alluring. But no, I'm going to be contented.. yes, contented-- I can do this. Anyway, after getting it fixed and finished transferring songs, we had time left to do a little shopping. Bought new bags from LULU and my youngest sister bought another pair of Havaianas. Window-shopped in Nike and dropped by Toy Kingdom. We ate a lot too. And that was the best part of it-- FOOOOOOOOD!

Afterwards, we went to SM City. It was my first time to go there and I didn't like it because it was too crowded. The sight of people going to and fro makes me feel dizzy. Well, we headed straight to Cinema 9 to watch my cousin's performance. It went on for about 2 hours. We departed at 11pm. Quite late. Reached home past twelve. Then, slept.

Today, I had piano lessons (since I didn't have it last Saturday because of the Intramurals). It was tiring-- as usual. Finger excercise + note reading= Killer. Then, we dropped by David's Salon since my sister's having her hair relaxed. After a while, Dad picked us up.

Now. I'm updating. And currently tired. I still have training tomorrow. Oh men.

Soccer baby

2006-10-27T10:03:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it! I'm just so, so happy because tests are finally over. I've been held back by my ultimate desire to atleast pull up (somehow) my grades. So, what's next? Intramurals. These two-day intramurals. What's my sport? SOCCER. I'm a sucky soccer player, if only you'd see me. Anyway, I guess I'd do it for the sake of playing it right. The game, I mean. So, see you fellow assumptionistas in the field? HAHAHAHAHAHA.GO FRESHMEN!

I'd be fortunate enough if I get ATLEAST 88 in Science. The test was simply confusing specially the word problems-- talk about Math, only different in the analyzation process. Third quarter chemistry here I come! Woah. I just hope I know where this whole thing's bringing me. And hopefully, I wouldn't be that much of a failure in Science. It just makes me feel like a total loser. I don't know if it's teacher factor or Science just doesn't like me back.

English went on smoothly. I guess. I wasn't able to answer the bonus part though-- that's what you get when you don't read the book. But hey, I survived second quarter without actually reading Romeo and Juliet. Wow. I just simply relied on internet sources and that's all I had-- from quizzes, to our MQT and even up to our actual QT. Good enough source I guess. It worked pretty well for me. Thank you to the inventor of SPARKNOTES.

If you're a frequent reader of this blog, you've probably notice the huge lack in updates and new posts. Frankly, it's only my fourth entry for "sucky" October 2006-- that supports 2 main facts: (1) I'm quite lazy to update-- Sorry blog; and (2) I've been tangled up with all the things I had to accomplish lately. Homeworks, projects-- they're so demanding. Oh well. I just want to get out of this High School terror. Atleast a week of sembreak would, hopefully, be useful enough for rest, relaxation and maybe, a few gimmicks with friends. I don't know what exact plans my family has for this upcoming one week vacation but since I haven't heard any news yet, it'd probably be a stay-at home type of vacation for everyone in the house. I can work out on that, I guess.

Well, first game tomorrow's against the Juniors. Uh-oh. We're going to be sooooo dead. If in case you'd see someone fainting in the field sometime between 12:15-1:00, hey, that'll probably me. Grr. Scorching Sun. I hope Mr. Weather would be generous and kind enough to give us all a "cool" day. Please Mr. Weather. And then again, GO FRESHMEN!

Why the heck history

2006-10-24T10:55:00.000+08:00

How people manage to strap themselves to their seats while patiently reading 80++ pages of Philippine History is a mystery to me. A very tough mystery why others CAN do it and I CAN'T. I try. Really, I try but I don't think it works. Damn history, why the heck can't you just like me back?

So, weekend went as if I were some studious high school freshman student. Saturday afternoon, I started reading my CLE book. I got quite pissed off because my brain couldn't really process everything I read. So I took a break and watched Tyra instead. I tried to pamper myself a bit so I wouldn't let this terrible mood destroy everything. On my right hand was the remote and on the left was a pack of Cheetos. Now, that's what I call heaven. After about an hour, I had to get ready because of piano lessons. I packed some extra clothes in case I'd get sweaty and I also brought with me my CLE book and sheets of paper. I started my draft while waiting for my teacher and good enough, I was able to come up with two paragraphs sensible enough to be read. When teacher came, I did twenty tiring rounds of finger exercise. As usual, went on with lessons and at five, I was dismissed.

Sunday morning, (surprisingly) I was still holding my CLE book and trying to reread every chapter. But hell was I dying of memorizing things that can't even be processed by my weak brain. So again, I took a break. Once I found out that I had to read 80++ pages from my AP book, I was much disappointed and I didn't even have the guts to finish reading one chapter because I had a very very bad feeling that the test would be EVIL. DEADLY EVIL. I gave up.

So today, I went to school carrying only stock knowledge in AP and some information which clung to me while I was trying to review for CLE. Taking the test was hard. Very challenging. AP was a serial killer. Seriously. No chances of getting 90++?? NONE.

I don't want to think much of this anymore. It's sucks-- sucky damn october. Only thing I'm excited about is the Intramurals. Oh c'mon, several days away. Can't really wait.

My nearly abandoned blog may also be near extinction though I don't want to put an end yet because it's almost its anniversary. I just hope I get to update it so it won't adopt to a neglected atmosphere.

No school tomorrow. ALL REJOICE.

The strenous recollection and killer MQT

2006-10-13T10:51:00.000+08:00

Wednesday was ifour's recollection. I was excited mainly because I was looking forward to reading the palancas my friends made for me. Good thing, the palanca reading session was set to an earlier schedule-- if I wasn't mistaken, it was the second activity (before recess).

As I was reading them, I felt a certain degree of contentment because I finally found the "real" friends-- those who would always be with me in times of need. Most of the palancas were actually quite humorous so I looked kind of silly giggling in one corner. Hmph.

Well, we had the usual line up of events during recollections. Even though our facilitator was stuck in traffic (for about three hours), we still went on with the activities trying our best to fit all of it in the remaining time. What I really liked best though was the discussion about the temperaments-- sanguine, choleric, melancholic, phlegmatic.

As always, we ended the recollection with a mass. Though it wasn't really "that" successful due to lack of practice and cooperation, it was still okay I guess-- atleast we were able to get things going. Sadly, it rained hard afterwards. We were dismissed late and all were stranded. Grrr.

Today, we had our English MQT. Tricky Romeo and Juliet-- killer questions. Shoot. Bonus was even trickier. Phff. I just hope I'd get a good grade-- atleast something that'll reward my up-to-midnight studying last night. Hopefully.

Tomorrow's friday. Oh yey. Weekend!! I just love these 2 day vacays :)

Sucky October

2006-10-09T04:53:00.000+08:00

Because of lack of inspiration (even though I'm itching to change my blogskin), I guess I'm stuck with this forever, unless a miracle would happen which would eventually switch my mind to creative mode. Okay, maybe this'll stay for another month. Ha-ha. So to my dear regular readers (if there really are "regular" readers), sorry for the inconvenience. My boring blogskin's going to hang on until I can grasp on a good inspiration. For now, you'll get fed up seeing this. *evil grin*

Obviously, this is my first ever post for October 2006. The start of october kind of sucked. But I know despite it being sucky, it'll eventually turn out to be adventurous. But in three weeks' time, it'll be our Quarterly Tests again and I hope it'd be better this time-- my grades I mean. Lately, we've been having reviews and dreadful scores started flooding my IPR and other grading sheets again. HS is so different. And I haven't fully got used to the changes yet. It's just getting tougher and tougher and tougher each day and I have to hold on.

The past week has been stressful but as always, friday was fun. Club time was superb-- we were playing under the scorching heat of the sun and it felt as if my whole body was baked in the oven. And fortunate enough, it was Kumon-free day. In addition, the 6th is an important day for me. WHY?? Well, I wouldn't dare want to spill. For now, it's for me to keep and for you to find out.

As usual, Saturday afternoons are spent in my grandma's house for piano lessons. But this time, after piano lessons, my sisters and I hung out with Gian in RP to watch FDH. It wasn't that interesting but I guess it was pretty cute.

Anyway, tomorrow's Monday-- oh, how I hate Mondays. HA-HA. And Wednesday's our Recollection. *ehem, ehem* Palanca please.

Wish Granted

2006-09-30T03:13:00.000+08:00

If you remember (in my previous post), I wished there will be suspension of classes as soon as possible. And well enough, there was-- but it was so terrible. I wasn't asking for Millenio but for a rest day. Unfortunately, we were attacked by stormy winds with whooshing rain which brought about a Luzon-wide blackout and that lasted almost the whole day. No electricity felt terrible. Good thing, my phone was with me all the way and even though I wasn't able to charge it, it was able to last the whooooooole time.

Weird thing is the sun's already shining despite the horrible weather yesterday. Guess Mr Sun just can't stop himself from shedding light.

Well, the storm was frightening. The winds were strong and can even overturn trucks/cars and even blow off your roof (wow, imagine seeing the sky); trees, billboards and lamp posts even broke down. Man, that's freeeaky.

*****

And yeah, here's something I got from a previous assumptionista's blog :) READ, READ!:)

FOOD
When walking and seeing a friend approaching,
carrying a drink, the AA girl will always ask for
a sip from that drink.
It is perfectly okay to the AA girl to be walking
while eating.
The AA girl is a master of balancing a plate of
baked mac/spaghetti/carbonara/palabok on top of a
cup of iced tea, and eating it from there while
standing and/or walking. [see #2]
The AA girl will always ask for “a pinch” or “a
bite” of whatever food whoever she is with, has.
The AA girl will in turn, always offer her food
to someone else.
The AA girl will usually go to the CSS bakery
after school.
The AA girl will bargain with the manangs in the
cafeteria to get a larger quantity of food.
The AA girls always look forward to being the
last person to buy shake or iced tea or baked
mac/spaghetti/carbonara/palabok from a manang
because the manang will always give her excessive
amounts of them, just so all the food would be
finished. No extra charge.

GREETINGS
When walking in the hallway and seeing a teacher,
manong/manang, or visitor approaching, the AA
girl will always smile/nod and greet the person
even if she has no idea who it is.
The AA girl especially loves greeting manongs and
manangs. Daily classroom greetings in grade school would
always be:

Teacher: Good afternoon section __!

Class: (start low pitch, one word ang good at
after) Goodafter (pagdating sa –noon tataasan ang
pitch at elongated ang salita) noooon Ms. _____!
It’s nice to see you today Ms. _____!

Teacher: It’s nice to see you, please take your
seats.

Class: (low pitch again) Thank (high, elongated
‘you’) youuuuuuuuu Ms. ______!

In high school:
Teacher: Good afternoon section __.

Class: Good afternoon Ms. _____.

Teacher: Okay, please take your seats.

Class: (mumbling, decrescendo) Thank you Msmmm…

SCHOOL RELATIONSHIPS
The AA girl looooves the very nice manongs and
manangs.
The AA girl’s batch always dislikes the batch/es
lower than them. When the AA girl reaches Grade 7, she will always
hate Sir Ruel.
But when the AA girl reaches high school, she
won’t even care and won’t let Sir Ruel get to
her.
Younger AA girls are trained to see the older
girls as their Ates. Most AA girls address older ones as Ate, even
though that person is only a year older.
All AA girls treat their friends as sisters.
AA girls love to kiss each other’s cheek a.k.a.
“beso”.
AA girls love to hug each other.
Most AA girls have a crush on Sir Louie.
Most AA girls end up crushing on young, new, male
teachers.
All AA girls love Sir Beni.

UNIFORM
AA girls love dengue attire season.
AA girls never follow the 3-inches-below-the-knee
skirt rule.
AA girls never follow the 2-inches-below-the-knot
necktie rule.
AA girls disregard the red-black-or white-only
rule on color of hair accessories.
The AA girl likes the Assumption blue and white
windbreaker jacket.

UNCATEGORIZED
The AA girl will always be ‘game’ to sit
ANYWHERE. The floor… the grass… the teacher’s
table… you name it.
The AA girl hates “taga-bundok” comments.
The AA girl hates “make tusok-tusok the fishball”
comments.
AA girls are definitely not conyo.
The AA girl loves the school campus.
The AA girl has theater etiquette.
The high school AA girl does not sing the
Assumption School Song in its proper stupidly
high key all the way.She switches to a lower
key.
The AA girl knows/will eventually know Jessica of
the first year comfort room.
The AA girl rarely ever enters the LRC comfort
room and the grade school lab comfort room.
The AA girl always enjoys the end of each school
mass.

Regular dialogue between Mrs. Aguilos and
the whole student population, with the high
school girls’ voices drowning out the others:

Mrs. Aguilos: Alright… so did you sing well?

Students: (screaming) YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS! (stop)

Mrs. Aguilos: Did you participate in the mass
well?

Students: (screaming louder)
YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! (stop)

Mrs. Aguilos: Alright. And BECAUSE…(pause)

Students: (cheering) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!! (stop)

Mrs. Aguilos: It’s (place name of special
occasion here)... (pause)

Students: (cheering still) YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!
(softens but is continuous)

Mrs. Aguilos: We are going to haaaave… (pause)

Students: YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!

Mrs. Aguilos: …a LOOONG RECESS!

Students: (extreme cheering, laughing, rejoicing)
YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!

Mrs. Aguilos: Classes will resume...

Students: (loud shhhhh-es, anxious to hear the
time)

Mrs. Aguilos: (consults with someone) ...
_____am!

Students: --ecstacy--

All I hear is Rain Drops

2006-09-27T10:32:00.000+08:00

Recently, all I've been dying to hear was a suspension of classes (due to the 'quite' heavy rain) announced on national tv. But man, was my patience tested! No sign, no sign and still, I'm desperately waiting..

I've been much of a crammer lately-- back to my dear old self. That's the tendency when you get too much of school-- you'd puke. No kidding. Anyway, I'm pretty much doing horseplay latterly. I can't take the feeling of being too serious about school.

Anyway, we've had this Earthquake Drill a while ago. It was so funny. We were trying to get our heads under our armchairs but sadly, it wouldn't fit-- talking about losing weight in the head. Another thing, we evacuated our classrooms and our venue was in the field, under a tree. Wow, I'd see heaven instantly if ever there was a REAL earthquake simply because there is great possibility that branches or parts of the tree would fall. And if it was the actual event already, I believe we wouldn't be that much confident and slow in walking, plus everyone would panic.

Tuesdays are quite terrible for me-- just like Wednesdays. Only, it's not Algebra we're talking about here, but Science. After lunch, I-4 turns into Science Freaks-- double period of Lab, then Health, and then Science. Whoa! It's not going to be much of a surprise for me if one day, one of my classmates will turn into a Science Whiz or even a Scientist. C'mon, who can we blameee?

By the way, intramurals are coming up. Still have no sport-- no final sport. Oh man, have to take quick action.

Another thing, it's Wednesday tomorrow. Aside from 3 Periods of Math, it's.. uh.. nevermind. :P

Dear Abandoned Blog

2006-09-19T09:12:00.000+08:00

Obviously, I haven't been updating for the past week or so. And frankly, a lot of things are revolving around me so I don't know exactly where to start. Well, I do not want to be detailed though but I can summarize previous events as something superb.

Two (or three) weeks ago, report cards were given out. It was deadly-- plain hell. I wasn't really expecting to get, uh, pretty awful grades but I guess it was pleasant enough to see-- well, for a first timer in HS, I believe I did pretty good overall but there's got to be some space for a LOT of improvement though.

Anyway, for all I-4 students please add up our yahoogroups account. IM me if I failed to invite you :) Thanks.

Let's talk Lexi's Language

2006-08-28T05:21:00.000+08:00

Here's what caught my eye this morning:

BarBQ stick, putol yung tulis, draw animal sa stiff cardboard, Missing part of animal, cut the animal, draw tail on board, cut it, bubutasan, punch hole on tummy, bbq stick attach to the cardboard/ back of elephant, tapos step (1) draw a round fastener, push bbq at the back of animal, prepare a DIALOG, make a PUPET.

My sister never fails to make me smile. I love the way she makes things simpler :)

Oh look who's asthmatic now.

2006-08-26T14:17:00.000+08:00

Because of a terribly serious asthma attack I got Tuesday afternoon (the moment I got home), I wasn't able to go to school for two, straight days. Yey on my part, uh? But no, it was deadly boring. All Mom wanted for me to do is: sleep, sleep, sleep. I don't even think she wants me to wake up.

Two days resting at home, nebulizing and trying to manage my breathing pattern despite a very tight feeling in the chest, made me feel a lot better though. Mom rushed me to ER at Medical City, Wednesday night. There was actually a possiblity that I get confined (again) but fortunately, God was so good that he understood that I could do without the dextrose attached to my left hand. Imagine, not yet a year nor half a year later and I get confined again? Damn. Why do I have to get sick very so often? This sucks.

Honestly, I really wanted to attend school yesterday but Mom suggested that I rest or else I'll have to bring this damn portable nebulizer with me to school. Talking about loser, uh? I wouldn't want to be regarded as asthmatic girl or girl with little resistance. Sh*t. But good to know, my Mom bought me a nebulizer which could be brought about almost everywhere if only you weren't as conscious as I am. But hello? Who the hell would want to go to school bringing this thing with her and having to nebulize for every four hours? Do tell me who..
Right now, I'm feeling more relaxed. I believe my body's quite stable already but I still have to get rest. Ms Santiago was even worried and kept on asking if I was really okay. Well, I was okay, only NOT totally okay. I went to school today because obviously, I've already missed a lot. And on my part that means major chaos. I have a hard time catching up with new lessons, that's why.

Having asthma sucks. There are too many food no-no's and you have to really, really be keen on what your eating. From now on, I'm not allowed to eat chocolates, candies, junkfood, cheese, nuts, and whatever yummy food you could think of. From now on, there's a new healthy eater along the way. And no, these are things I'm not ready to give up. I'm too young to not enjoy what teenagers like me enjoy eating. But man, I don't want to ever, ever again have to experience another asthma attack-- the feeling's just terrible because you're simply gasping for air and there's major difficulty in breathing.

Oh look, there goes the asthmatic kid!

2006-08-25T22:45:00.000+08:00

Because of a terribly serious asthma attack I got Tuesday afternoon (the moment I got home), I wasn't able to go to school for two, straight days. Yey on my part, uh? But no, it was deadly boring. All Mom wanted for me to do is: sleep, sleep, sleep. I don't even think she wants me to wake up.

Two days resting at home, nebulizing and trying to manage my breathing pattern despite a very tight feeling in the chest, made me feel a lot better though. Mom rushed me to ER at Medical City, Wednesday night. There was actually a possiblity that I get confined (again) but fortunately, God was so good that he understood that I could do without the dextrose attached to my left hand. Imagine, not yet a year nor half a year later and I get confined again? Damn. Why do I have to get sick very so often? This sucks.

Honestly, I really wanted to attend school yesterday but Mom suggested that I rest or else I'll have to bring this damn portable nebulizer with me to school. Talking about loser, uh? I wouldn't want to be regarded as asthmatic girl or girl with little resistance. Sh*t. But good to know, my Mom bought me a nebulizer which could be brought about almost everywhere if only you weren't as conscious as I am. But hello? Who the hell would want to go to school bringing this thing with her and having to nebulize for every four hours? Do tell me who..

Right now, I'm feeling more relaxed. I believe my body's quite stable already but I still have to get rest. Ms Santiago was even worried and kept on asking if I was really okay. Well, I was okay, only NOT totally okay. I went to school today because obviously, I've already missed a lot. And on my part that means major chaos. I have a hard time catching up with new lessons, that's why.

Having asthma sucks. There are too many food no-no's and you have to really, really be keen on what your eating. From now on, I'm not allowed to eat chocolates, candies, junkfood, cheese, nuts, and whatever yummy food you could think of. From now on, there's a new healthy eater along the way. And no, these are things I'm not ready to give up. I'm too young to not enjoy what teenagers like me enjoy eating. But man, I don't want to ever, ever again have to experience another asthma attack-- the feeling's just terrible because you're simply gasping for air and there's major difficulty in breathing.

Signed with Love from: God, Jesus &Me

2006-08-20T11:04:00.000+08:00

Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."

Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to her son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair.

"Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the university for study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her o n the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.
Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm, sure the food will be great.
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. T he cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from: God, Jesus &Me.

******************

I received this email from my Mom who, unexpectedly, sent it to me. Honestly, I got teary-eyed while reading the whole thing specially during the "letter" part. It was just so.. sweet;')

Puppy Love

2006-08-19T00:05:00.000+08:00

In kindergarten, my youngest sister, Lexi, studied in a co-ed school-- HEdCen, otherwise known as The Little Farm House. And, during her 4-year stay there, she had a lot of friends, a mixture of little girls and little boys. Late last year, she began telling me stories about this little boy whom she seems to have much interest on. (Let's keep him unidentified for now.) And, every time, when I arrive home from school and ask her how the day went, she'd go, "It's okay, we had fun. You know what (name of the little boy here) gave me a necklace. (she'd show it to me afterwards)" That went on for almost a week-- the little boy gave him a different gift each day.

Since Lexi transferred to Assumption Antipolo this year, she would just frequently meet this cute, little boy whenever we'd go to HEdCen for Kumon. Oftentimes, we would see him come in the Kumon Center to make some noise and quite tolerable behavior just to make notice to my sister. Mind you, even the teachers see that and no, we have nothing against them. Truth is, we even invite the little boy to sit close to or even next to Lexi. We just find them cute-- My First Love in Preschool.

If you ask me, these little kiddos do know something about love-- though not necessarily that romantic, they still know something about it, atleast. There was this time when suddenly, out of the blue, I asked how my sister's life was going-- I wasn't thinking about her "love life" but rather, about school. I thought she'd answer something closely related to school. But no, guess what she said. "Ate, ex ko na si (name of little boy here)." I tried my best not to laugh in front of her so I asked her, right away, the reason why. She said, "Kasi, may iba na siyang kasama na girl eh." After this, I had nothing more to say. I just smiled and exited the scene, leaving her staring blankly into an open space.

After a couple of days, Lexi got over with her so-called relationship with this little boy-- if ever it was legal. At home, she would bravely say, "Mom, Dad, ex ko na si (name of little boy here)." The 'rents tried to hide their laughter and Mom explained to her about relationships and ex's. Mom clarified that she couldn't have an ex yet because (1) Dad might have chased this guy with a shotgun once she found out he was courting her favorite little girl; and (2) they weren't in a relationship yet. But Lexi, still persistent, considered this little boy as her ex-- her very first ex-boyfriend in pre-school.

I don't know if she really got over their "break-up" easily but it seems to me she's somehow coping up with the changes both in school and her *clears throat* lovelife. Despite all the things that happened, I know that Lexi still had a special place for that little guy which is (guess where..) in her new, self-painted treasure box (complete with a lock). Once you open it, you'll find a drawing of that little guy with something written under it which proudly states, "I love (name of little boy here)." She happily showed her "masterpiece" to everyone in the house.

The story above is mainly about First Love in Preschool by Lexi and (name of little boy here). I didn't know, that as early as 5 year old, you could get through a lot and learn about love. How inspiring their story is to me. I wish I also had a little crush in preschool who would give me presents every day. Damn it, I'm really hopeless.

Today's the soiree-- only selected people from the batch though. I wasn't allowed because there wasn't any adult's supervision and you know how strict my parents are when it comes to hanging out with unknown people, specially of the opposite sex. Not that their anti-social, they just wanted to keep me away from harm-- if ever there really is. Although, honestly, I would have wanted to come simply because, my friends attended and I'm the only loser who was left behind. Dumm-o.

Nonetheless, my Mom made it up to me. She took me to Galleria today and since everything was on sale, I'm happy to say, we didn't just window shop. We did the actual shopping routine normal people would do during sales. I got new tops from SWNN, Benetton, Kamiseta and the like. Then, we also got toys: I got BopIt and two Tomy car models. (I confess, I really like cars, specially race cars. I really want to be a racer but Mom disagrees. I guess she just doesn't want to see me get hurt.) Mom eventually got hooked to playing BopIt after I first asked her to try it-- now, you'd see it in her hands.

Anyway, I still have no recent updates about the soiree. I'd probably ask Camille or Gian about it some time soon. I'm sure they all had fun. I wish I'd come. Needless to say, we'll probably be having a soiree as a class-- an interaction between AA's I-4 and Ateneo's I-J. No specific date and venue yet but I left Mico to plan all about it. :P So eeeevil.

2006-08-18T13:24:00.000+08:00

I'm making most the most of my time just to feel the length of this day. I mean, c'mon.. it's Thursday today and we don't have school tomorrow. We're actually off to a 4-day vacation (of which I haven't even planned how to celebrate).

Anyway, the symposium a while ago gave me an overview about the Constitution (finally) and this thing called, Chacha (Charter Change). I grabbed the oppotunity of gaining more information regarding politics, the government and the people but sadly, my notebook has all the data, my brain just couldn't register all of it-- they were too many, I should say. Towards the end, I got distracted. I didn't have the enthusiasm to listen anymore. But the last speaker was very good since he kept on citing repretations which made all the things he wanted to say and explain easier to understand. So now, all I have to do is fill-up this piece of paper regarding Chacha-- I just hope I copied the essential parts during the talk.

As expected, the rest of the QT results were given out. Thank God I passed. English and AP were really, really good. CLE, well, it was okay. Overall, I believe I did fairly well. I'm satisfied about my grades. I have no regrets. Anyhow, I would gladly wish that I maintain them or better, improve them-- specially *ehem* Filipino:)

2006-08-17T10:19:00.000+08:00

Nothing beats the feeling you get when you find out that you've not been given homework for two straight days. Yeah baby! As predicted, there are no new lessons today-- how terrible the teacher who would give out new lessons/topics right after the Quarterly Test. For today, all was smooth sailing. Some test papers were given back and I have nothing against them. My grades reflect how much I've studied-- that's the only embarrassing part. Halatang hindi nag-aral eh, no? But, like what I just said, I have nothing against them. Actually, I'm quite happy as of now. Although it weren't the grand scores I used to get in Grade 7, my scores are something I could actually be proud of, atleast. And knowing the fact that I just survived the First Quarter is such an accomplishment already. The feeling is something like you've actually just lifted a barbel 10 times your weight. It's just simply.. amazing.

Despite what Ms. Santiago said regarding our Quarterly Test results (we didn't do well; the results weren't as good as our MQT), I still hope I do get a satisfying mark-- meaning, something not below 84. Please, please, please. But if you ask me, the test was somehow tricky and it requires your ability to manage time and formulate the flow of your essay in your mind. I felt quite drained after taking the test, honestly. But God have mercy, please give me a satisfying grade.

Believe it or not, we're scheduled to a Symposium regarding Charter Change tomorrow. It's going to last about an hour and a half. And I hope, by the end of this formal talk, I'd be well-enough educated about the Constitution. Because from our activity in AP today, I found out that I have no idea what the Constitution is. Bad, bad Filipina, I admit.

And tomorrow, thank God, will be our last day for the week and we're off for a 4-day vacation-- a time to veer away from school-related activities and mainly have fun. Afterall, the Quarterly Tests are over and the Second Quater hasn't officially started yet-- meaning, there's still space for some dilly-dallying and horse-play. Now, that's what I'm talking about! :)

Happy Feast Day

2006-08-16T10:32:00.000+08:00

Alright. Let's get this thing updated. o__O

It's Assumption's feast day today. Happy feast day to my fellow schoolmates. Anyway, the day started with a mass--obviously, that's how our school celebrates special occassions. Then we had about three international Assumption priests. It was cool. Having to hear their accents, I mean. :P The mass was actually different this time. Why? Nevermind. :)

Afterwards, we had the Food Sale, which was totally the opposite of it. I mean, there is truly this thing called, food increase :P Increase in the cost of the food, that's what I meant. But don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it ( a bit) 'cause there were food concessionaires anyway. KFC. Shakey's.

Anyway, I ended bankrupt today. Not only due to the quite expensive food sale, but also due to my two sisters. Their just, uh.. demanding. LOL.

Footnotes:
1) New skin. No more links though. Huhuhu. :P
2) Regular classes tomorrow. Oh men. Test results? No, no, no waaaaay!

There are no Exit Doors

2006-08-07T07:07:00.000+08:00

I've been pressured by school lately. Studying makes me feel a lot more stupid than I actually am. And the fact that my Mom forces me to study harder even on weekends makes me go MAD. Augh. She even got the wire of the tv. Whaaaaaaaaat?! This is really insane!

Monday & Tuesday
I forgot what happened.

Wednesday
We had fun playing Death by Algebra during CAI. I love numbers :)
Got the result of English MQT. Surprisingly, I aced it. Thanks to the bonus parts.
My parents gave me my birthday gift. FINALLY. It's the watch I've been eyeing for lately.

Thursday
We took the deadly Filipino MQT. I have a strong feeling that I failed it.

Friday
Math Chapter Test. Wasn't able to study because I did our AP project. Fortunately, I only got a couple of mistakes.
Science UT2.

Saturday
Got sick.
Colds suck.
Wasn't able to go to Gian's Birthday Party.
Watched tv all day loooooong.
Boring.

ANYWAY. More pressure this week. That's for sure. It's QT week, and get this, we'll be having school on a Saturday. Yey, you loser.

Aug. 4 Happy Birthday Sab and Jaemi
Aug. 6 Happy Birthday Gian

We Want Mooooore!

2006-07-30T14:53:00.000+08:00

The PCD Concert was sizzling hot. It was definitely worth it. I had fun watching.

Well, it started at around 8:15 (or was that 8:30) and of course, there were still performances from various quite unknown artists (atleast to me they are.. except for Sway that is who was part of the recent season of AI)-- there were about three of them: the first one crowned himself as the very first half-Filipino on Canadian Idol which he said resembles AI, only it's not being aired here that's why he still remained anonymous to ~~some~~ most; the second guest was a black, half-Filipino (again) and I don't know much about him but he sang So Sick very well which surely made the crowd sing with him and he gave free copies of his album; the third one is Sway from AI (half-Fil), he's quite small (obviously) and his bald head makes him look more funnier but hey, don't get me wrong, he's quite good only not as skilled as the singers we know. After these three performances which kind of ate up time, the MC's (courtesy of 89.9) still did their job-- interacting with people and mentioning their sponsors. Afterwards, the big event took place. The PCD are hottttt!

Nicole, who is half-filipino by the way, got teary-eyed while singing Stickwitu. Awww. She was probably touched.

Their performance wasn't that long though. They just mixed their songs but it was really nice. So coooooool. And the showdown part was definitely made the crowd go wild. Literally. And when they got the lucky six audience, they made them show what they got. The gay person really was giving his all. I liked him-- I mean, the way he danced in front of hundreds of people; he was just so confident.

The last song they performed was Dont Cha. And after they said their goodnight and goodbye's and exited the stage, the people started saying We want more! We want more! But nothing happened after that. LOL. Too much for being a fanatic! ANYWAY. Seeing that there were no more performances to follow up, the people then flooded the exit doors. Awwww :-'(

Moreover, it is one of the best concerts I've watched. I liked it. And until now, their performance is still flashing in my mind. I loooooooved it so much. Loved it to death. I just hope they do it again probably after they finish their second album-- hopefully.

******
School Issues:
1. My, oh, my. PE Practical Test is on Monday and we still haven't finalized our steps. Good thing this subject's after lunch. *sigh* Atleast there time to cram. Oh meeeehn.

2. We have this project in AP which is also integrated with Filipino. Good news is that we'll only have one project for these 2 subjects, bad news is we haven't started anything yet. I'm not creative when it comes to writing stories. Frankly, I suck at it. And considering the fact that these two subjects is what I dislike the most, I don't have any interest at all.

3. IP proposal is due on Monday. Darn. Finalize, Finalize. We lack time. Uh..

******

P.S. Wait, sabi ni Arisse meron daw encore. Gaaaaahd. Nakakainis naman, oh! Buti pa siya nakapanood:) Ohhh well..