Friday, December 11, 2009

I have been having the longest college dilemma ever. Perhaps, it is due to the fact that I have not given it (college) much thought until entrance exams drew near. And to think it was not much of an issue, I never really daydreamed about myself attending college somewhere, some time in the near future. (Well, don't get me wrong here. Yes, I plan to get into college but all the itsy-bitsy tiny details aren't well thought of. I will be pleased by knowing that I get into a good school then the 'planning' ends there.)

Usually, whenever I watch teenage chickflick films (with all their usual themes and topics; issues and dilemmas), I would encounter scenes where they feature one of the stars receiving a letter of acceptance-- or better yet, scholarship-- from some fancyschmancy school they applied in (most often, their dream school).

I never really thought that that same instance I would encounter soon. (And by "soon", I meant this year... just yesterday, to be exact.) Since I wasn't eyeing any particular college here (abroad I have this dream school named, Loyola Marymount University in California-- in which, as I've recently learned, my cousin studies. Oh how envious I feel. But then again, I have decided not to take SAT's any time now. I will wait for that bang of assurance and maturity before I engage in such major decisions involving living a life of independence.) I've got not much worries except that I wish to pass any (or if possible, all) of the three colleges I've applied in-- UP, Ateneo, and UA&P. What actually matters to me is that I pass a college entrance exam so that I will have a college to study in (duhh). That's all, really. And anyway, I have no objection whatsoever with these three schools. They are convenient (with regard to travel time), hold good reputations, and offer a nice set of curriculum. Any of the three can be my dream school, I guess.

Yesterday, after all the stress, pressure, and drama we had in school because of the numerous tests and quizzes we took (which seemed endless, mind you), I went home really tired and eager to rest. Not long though, I was handed a letter by our helper and she said it just arrived that morning. Upon looking at it and reading from whom it came from (University of Asia and the Pacific), I did not much feel any excitement since I was already somehow assured of passing when I got myself interviewed for a full merit scholarship which they considered me a candidate. During the interview, I was accommodated warmly by a lady (of whom I forgot the name, or maybe she didn't mention LOL) whom I had an easy time conversing with. She asked me if I knew why I was there-- why I was considered a candidate for full merit scholarship (along with perky bonuses of 6k stipend and 5k book allowance per semester). Of course, I couldn't help but answer a sheer "no" since as far as I was concerned, I cancelled all my scholarship applications. In other words, I didn't apply for any. In response, she told me that I was considered for such because of my good high school grades and my performance in their entrance examination. And really, that blew me off. I mean, all these high school efforts composed of sleepless nights, study dramas, and big eye bags topped with peer, family, and teacher pressures have finally, FINALLY, paid off. Just plainly knowing that I got considered was a big thing for me-- a really big thing. It was an honor, a privilege, an opportunity which I never thought would come across my way because I know that there are still a whole bunch of other girls way, way smarter than me. Of course, after the peak, the downside was presented. We were, in totality, 21 students considered for the spot, however, only ONE will get the spot. No, my whole world did not collapse after being introduced to the reality. I was still overwhelmed by the thought that I got considered, that I got in, and that this is such an instance which I never thought would exist in my life, which I thought would just stay in the chickflick movies I watched. And like what I mentioned earlier, the fact that I got myself as a candidate is already a big thing for me. Whether I get it or not, I am happy because I got myself this far, and I proved to myself and to my family that I really can do it. I really can excel.

As far as I know, the interview went on smoothly. Of course, there was the usual "i-feel-nervous" syndrome-- cold hands, slight panting. (Ha, I could never get rid of 'em.) But the lady who interviewed me was so pleasant and fun to converse with. She had that comforting tone of voice which eased my anxieties and helped me get through this 'ordeal' which can either break or lead my path towards THE GOAL. Afterwards, I felt really good! It was that elated feeling which overwhelmed me and for the rest of the day, at least, I was at the peak of happiness, something which I haven't really felt for a long while since I've been tangled up with schoolwork.

Before it was over, however, the interviewee told me that they'll keep in touch as to the status of this endeavor, whether I get through or not. Weeks passed by and I was not really expecting any because for sure, there is great competition and yes, the interview itself made its way to my history-- something which I will forever treasure.

Yet my fate took a strikingly good turn yesterday. As I read the letter, it mentioned that I got accepted in UA&P but that the letter itself was not just an acceptance letter-- this was in caps, btw. As I read on, I realized that I got offered 100% merit scholarship with 6k stipend and 5k book allowance per semester. At first, I could not really believe it. I had to read the important sections over and over and over again just to make it sink in. Once it did, I was stupefied (thanks Ms. Raquitico for this word; partly thanks to Les Miserables as well) and again, elated. I was overwhelmed by mixed emotions-- sheer shock, happiness, and the I-can't-believe-it look topped with paralyzation (LOL). But really, I couldn't couldn't believe it. Then Mom, after noticing my weird reaction to the letter, asked me to read it aloud to her. She too was overwhelmed by a feeling of shock and happiness, but it's more of the latter. Much to my excitement, this letter was my 'surprise' to dad. It was the first time ever that both my mom and dad congratulated me together. I felt really good; I felt on top of the world, with both my parents standing beside me, I felt like as if nothing will get in my way.

Yes it is true. After all the hard work, after all the pains, you will be rewarded. And this reward is something I will never ever forget, for the longest time, I suppose. I have until January 15th of next year to confirm my acceptance of the scholarship they offered and really, I will think things through. (A little help friends? UP, Ateneo, UA&P) As of now, I am just so happy to know that these movie scenes can also occur in my life. Perhaps, perhaps, the next chapter will be a love story? Ha-ha-ha. As they say, it's not bad to dream ;-)

Sunday, February 22, 2009



Months of preparation, a week of pressure, a two-day intense preparation and one full night of culmination. Yes, finally, we have had reaped out the rewards of all our hard work during this mystical evening ball, we'd fondly call as Prom.

The night before, I made sure I was going to have ample of rest-- "beauty rest" if that's what you call it-- because I know that the next day was to be one of the this-is-it moments of my life which happens only once, or very seldom. So I might as well recharge my body to be able to completely enjoy an evening of party. As time passed by, I began to feel pressure upon myself. Perhaps, I am worried about how successful--or unsuccessful-- the event will be. Knowing that I am one of the heads, made me recognize how much liable I am if there is something wrong or inappropriate that happens. Another thing is the fact that it is my first time to be all prepped up, head to toe. Also, considering the fact that I opted for a really simple dress, it was all up to me on how I should carry myself. Maaaan, that was one of the toughest parts.

As the clock ticked, I got all the more nervous. I was not ready. Emotionally, perhaps. I did not really feel that evening yet, my spirits weren't up either. Taken in all, I was not ready to let go of the months of hard work and preparation-- I can't believe it's already the culmination.

Anyway, meeting place of My Date and I was non other than the school. Yes, that's how my parents wanted it and I had no other choice. As I entered, it was all shock to me. I couldn't believe how we were able to pull up such a big event. It was amazing! Unfortunately, the weather wasn't all that cooperative. It was hot inside the multi and no fans were turned on. Just imagine how much sweaty you could get if you move even just a bit. I was unsatisfied and bothered that I might get all sweaty, icky and sticky and be messed up once we have our group pictures taken. But then, I was all the more worried about how My Date was coping up with the hot atmosphere-- they were in coat and tie, after all.

Well, there was the usual flow of events: opening prayer, welcoming remarks, opening remarks, singing performance, introduction of awards (to be given that night), dinner, AVP, etc. I was happy enough that somehow My Date and I were comfortable with each other. We talked during the event itself and even did the "awkward" slow dance wherein we just laughed at ourselves, for neither of us knew how to dance well. Good thing the lights were dimmed at least people wouldn't see how funny we were dancing. Ha!

I couldn't actually elaborate more on the event itself. You already know what happens if you've had your own prom, and well, if you haven't, you'll have your turn-- just you wait. For now, I am just happy that all the months of hard work paid off and yes, it was a success.

Kudos to all the Year III ladies who looked beatiful last night!

Thursday, January 29, 2009



I cannot believe how much I enjoyed our Integrated Field Trip. Choosing Transportation, Logistics and Distribution as my career cluster for this event wasn't all that wrong after all. I actually went with my grade six choice of career-- aviation. See, I have been loyal to it all this time!

Well, not really. That's the problem. I haven't actually given much thought on what I would want to pursue in college nor what career path I wish to take. But then, years ago, I've set my mind on becoming a pilot. I was so fascinated with planes and wanted to do something extreme-- something which is unusual-- and so, I guess this desire was partly fulfilled by aspiring for a professional career as an aviator. I mean, come to think of it, there aren't much lady/women pilots out there. (Well, if there were, it's not at par with the ratio of men.) So when the time came for this career cluster grouping, I gave aviation a try. After all, it's just for gaining a little more background about what you think you would like to take up in college. And since there wasn't any other career as appealing to me and my interests, I did sign myself up for Transportation.

As weird as it may seem, I am so so so fascinated with the idea of becoming a pilot that even until now, it sends some sort of adrenaline rush up and down my spine and gives me a temporary increase in my level of hope, uprightness and makes me feel happy, generally. I don't know why, or what brought me to feeling such but perhaps, it could have attributed from the lovely ambiance of the airport, the respectable-looking flight personnel (which I admire, btw) or the complicated view of the cockpit buttons or the cockpit itself. Ahhh. Don't forget the smell of the aircraft-- heaven, indeed. For a while, I've had my own share of hesitations too. For instance, I've pondered on the ideas like, what if someone hijacks the plane, what if we'd have to do an emergency landing, what if we ran out of gas mid-air, etcetera etcetera. But then, I guess when you love something and your heart is really in it, there's a big tendency that the good side would outweigh the downside (despite the fact, that in reality, there are more bad sides to it). Yes, there are also the risks involve, but then again, if you love something and your heart is really in it, it wouldn't matter much, I suppose.

So yes, for today we had our trip to PATTS and AIR LINK. Unfortunately, we weren't fully accomodated by PATTS but we were allowed to tour some parts of their school. It was just like a quick peek inside, about 25-35 mins. Then, we stalled in SM Sucat, waiting for the clock to tick 1:15PM for us to be able to hit the road once again on our way to Air Link. Mind you, in was a small aviation school but I was surprised that they had something prepared to show to us-- a ppt presentation regarding their school, the courses they offer and a brief background of these.

During the talk, I was all the more enlightened and inspired to pursue my dream of becoming a pilot. (The simulator machine made me all the more excited!) As Mr Cocjin (if I remember correctly) described all the wonderful details about the airline industry, my ears were dancing to such beatiful rhythm. I cannot believe it, aviation could actually be exciting.

After the very detailed session we had with the director of the school, we were given the opportunity to tour the campus. It was not a really spacious area but I think it was good enough. The people were well-mannered, mind you. When we were brought to the area where their airplanes were parked, I was left with awe: I think (and should believe) that I would be flying one of those soon. Ha, just you wait.

But then of course, with all the good sides/benefits presented, the bad sides tag along with it. For instance, one should give her full effort and attention in order to be successful in this field-- in other words, no boyfriend, not much social life, no girlfriends. Yes, that's the major downfall of this career. Oh, plus, no holidays. Great Joy. Well, for my parents' part, I guess they would give it a thumbs up-- I mean, the no boyfriend part, at least. As for me, it could be considered unlikely but, honestly speaking, a bit reasonable because of the very expensive tuition fee the school requires: it's no joke to use millions of pesos a year for studying.

Well, if budget permits and my will is still there, I would probably pursue this career. But for now, I'll rejoice over that 100 Geom QT score! Boo-ya!!!

Sunday, January 04, 2009



I realized that 2008 swooped by and I haven't grabbed the opportunity to actually say my last words for the past year. I think that it would be the absolute thing to do since it is a new year this time and what a perfect way to officially close the past year with a decent, reminiscent post.

Well, 2008 has been an incredible journey, not only for me but I believe, for others as well. It was the time which allowed every individual to grow richer in experience and live up to maturity needs. It was the break-free moment for a nation blinded by earthly desires wrapped around in greed, fraud and lies. It was the occurrence of simple every day miracle of physical, spiritual and emotional healing. It was His unwavering love and embrace to those seeking comfort. 2008 was a journey-- a journey towards a better world, a better country, a better nation, a better community, a better family, a better you.

As for me, I can personally say that 2008 was a roller coaster ride-- not an absolute haywire but quite a challenge to bear with every day. More so, it was a period of rediscovering and discovering myself as well. I had managed to come to a better understanding of myself, of my function, of what I am capable of achieving. But I guess the biggest thing that I encountered this year was growing up and letting go-- reality.

I had not known how much feelings I've stored within me for the past--almost--couple of years. If it weren't for that special letter, I probably would have been holding on to something which should have been let go way, way in the past. The feelings were immeasurable. They were present for me to reminisce and think about the "good times"-- and also, sulk over what had happened, what could have happened, why it did not happen. It was something which made me feel good that I was loved but it all eventually ended up making me feel like wanting to engage in it all over again. It trapped me into a vast array of "if... only" statements. Not really pinning down and giving up on all hope that is left. I was holding on when in fact, it should have been set free long ago.

Two years may have been ancient and too long to hold on to. Perhaps, I was dumbfounded with this "crazy little thing" that it overwhelms even my inner system, locking my ears up so as not to hear the incessant cries of common sense, "let go, this is not worth the wait." I was left there, hoping and hoping and hoping. Even in the most unusual circumstance, I can't bear the fact of letting go.

Yes. I hated that about myself.

More than once I thought that we'd be on that road again. I was wrong. It was only me. I, who was so crazily infatuated by superficial imaginations, fell into a manhole of unreachable dreams, bombarded by "why" questions. And then again, I did not lose hope. In that manhole, I was still clinging on tightly to the thin rope, hoping that it was that someone holding on to rescue me. There goes again my false hope. I was wrong. The rope, well, it was just stuck to the road up ahead.

When I wrote the letter, I made sure that everything I wanted to say, every emotion I wanted to let go of, and every hope that's left of me, would be written with all sincerity. And that I surely did.

Believe it or not, until now I haven't completely closed my doors yet.. although I would have wanted to do so, I cant. I don't want to rule out the fact that perhaps fate would bring it all back again. On the contrary, I managed to close it little by little-- an inch at a time.

Well, there goes my love story. It wasn't all that good but it wasn't all that bad either. It has proven me a lot of things about myself-- things which I never knew I possessed until I wrote the letter.

For one, I never knew how much capable I am of falling in love and loving someone. I gave my all, meant every word I said and fulfilled that space inside of me which wanted to care for someone. I saw in me a strong person. Someone who, even though held onto deep emotions and an overwhelming range of experiences, managed to stand upright, say my piece and go on with 90% of my life. I discovered how much hopeful I am and persistent not to give up. I learned how to love and felt how great it was to be loved in return.

It's been almost two years and all I can say is, "What a Journey it Was!" I've opened up, finally. And I believe I am a much stronger individual.

And for the record, I am not losing any hope that he'd reply to the letter.

Cheers. Happy New Year to All.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008



I guess you know how crazy households get as Christmas Day draws near. Mind you, even ours was not spared. My Mom has been making deserts since yesterday and our refrigerator is undeniably filled by mouthwatering deserts, which are scheduled to be brought tomorrow to our simple noche buena with my relatives, Father's side. Some of them though will be brought to a Christmas lunch time celebration at my grandparents' place-- Mother's side, this time-- the next day. And, my oh my, how grateful I am for being trapped in a delightful and yummy atmosphere, which is the mere result of all my Mom's baking and cooking. How pleasingly delicious the smell is! I cannot wait to have a taste!

For the meantime, I, on the other hand, have been preoccupied. Ha, well, I suppose you know how much "preoccupied" there was an overstatement. Of course, I have not engaged myself into worthwhile activities ever since break started. Oh, don't blame me. I have been longing for this vacation for quite a while and I am irrefutably happy to be away from school-related facets even just for the mere two weeks. Yes, two weeks of rest and relaxation and I have nothing else to do but to make sure that I will be able to make hay while the sun shines. Anyone care to join?

Admittedly, I have been addicted to doing something worthless. (If you want to call it an addiction, you are free to do so.) I have been in the basement for hours and was drawn away from reality. I was so carried away that I was not anymore mindful of the time. Ha, how crazy it does get! But I'm sortakinda loving it. I mean, the feelig of being carefree, not being mindful, and all. Whoo! It is like summer again. Summer with a cool breeze and a cold atmosphere. My summer in December.

Monday, December 22, 2008



A couple of days ago, my family engaged in our yearly feeding program (for kids). It is the second time for us to hold such (as a family) and this time, the venue was our farm and the invited kids were those living around our homestead. We provided for them a Christmas Party (complete with clowns, a magic show, games, prizes, etc.), something which was quite unusual for them, and of course, prepared a simple merienda of spaghetti, hotdogs and bread.

The moment I arrived, the party was just about to start. I saw the kids and my, they were quite more than what we expected-- in number, I mean. The initial counting of attendees summed up to 125 but on the day itself, it magically stretched to god-knows-how-much. In my mind, I was quite uncertain how the food can actually fit the initial counting. My dad, on the other hand, did not waste anymore time and sent someone off to buy additional supplies to be cooked as soon as possible.

Games. Magic Show. And finally, the food was served. Mom and I supervised the serving of the meal. There were kids who were pushing each other, some were even crying (Dad said, these were the kids who were afraid of the clowns) so it was quite muddling. But god, was I happy when it was all over (I mean, the food was all served) and was all the more happy to know that we were able to feed all 185 of them. Some might call it luck that with the additional food, everyone was served but I guess, it was with the help of God, that there came to be the feeding of the 185-- yes, just like the feeding of the 5,000. Whichever it was, I'd still like to believe it was the latter. Indeed, God works his little miracles.



"You see those smiles on the kids' faces? That is what money cannot buy."-- Dad

Sunday, October 19, 2008



My parents are leaving for China in about ten hours and I cannot still embrace the idea that they will be gone for five days. Five whole days without the folks' presence can be a privilege to some but for me, I would have to say that it is something that tears me apart. Apparently, I am quite attached to them, specially to my Mom, that I cannot bear the idea that I would not see them for almost a week. Quite a challenge, I suppose.

As a kid, I was not really used to having my parents away from home for quite a while. I got used to seeing my Mom, most often than not, with me around the house and my dad, well, he goes home before supper and we would all have a happy, family dinner at about 7 in the evening. (This was usually accompanied by conversations recounting how each one's day went. If I had ample time to spare, Mom and I would talk about anything we could think of-- such reduces the amount of pressure I feel when I am trapped with a handful of demands from school.) Before I sleep, I would go to their bedroom and give them each my goodnight kiss and ILY's. Sometimes, I would even catch them tucking me in at night. Ha! So much of a kid I am, eh? Well, it's not that I ask to be tucked in at night by my Mom but then again, it's not against my will either. Perhaps, my Mom still thinks I'm her little girl-- at least, when I'm asleep in the middle of the night. My dad, on the other hand, gives us little pecks and sweetly says, "goodnight." I never actually thought my Dad could break the walls of his stern being and strict ways. Alas, I have been proved otherwise. Indeed, behind his serious aura is a really tender-hearted man and affectionate father-- and for that, I am proud to be his daughter.

My parents are not OFW's and they seldom leave us behind, unless it's a really urgent matter. Most of the time, if budget allows it, we get to tag along their trips. But as for this case, the trip to China concerns only the folks and, unfortunately, us, kids, have to stay behind and take the gruesome Quarterly Tests. Ha, talk about terror! But on the contrary, I guess I will be preoccupied studying and burning the midnight oil-- HOPEFULLY!! It will surely be a good time to get my mind busy instead being overwhelmed by their temporary absence. With all being well, I still cannot say that I wouldn't miss them because, somehow, sometime, I will long for their goodnight kisses and comforting embrace, which I am completely robbed off for these coming five days.